How long would it take for an Aspie let go of resentment?

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Some resentments get smaller with time. They only last a short duration

Some resentments last a long time

Sometimes something happens after the situation, that increases the size of the resentment

For example, my precious lil "parents" had the nerve to tell me off, when I was younger, for looking at them the wrong way

And I did not think too much of it

After that I got an autism diagnosis

And then the resentment got bigger

Same thing about homophobic precious lil "people"

I've had a lot of falling out with friends myself (or perverts who I thought were my friends and I had to get rid of them). The time for each person is a little bit different. On average, I would say it goes from 3 months to a few years. It sucks that you had to go through that, but basically some people are toxic and have their own issues that need to be dealt with (preferably via a psychiatrist). Also, if they treat you bad, it's because they have issues and would treat somebody bad regardless of whether they're an Aspie or NT. I usually find that hobbies, going to school, and listening to music alleviates stress in those moments of resentment. Don't let it fester.

I know what you are saying about the hobby thing because it works to get my mind off the person(s) who hurt me. I have several things that I am passionate about that I have been getting involved with that really help.

Kinetic waves

Going to school costs $$. And sometimes I got grudges against instructors.

And there are zero hobbies I am good at or enjoy having done. Unless loitering and panhandling and Internet count as hobbies

Most days I listen to about four songs on the computer, if the computer works. Characteristic of many autistics I am overly sensitive to sound

The impression that I got was that almost all former "friends" treated me differently and worse than they treated their other friends

And I am in counseling right now. Insurance only pays for counseling until November this year

Sometimes I feel like King of Grudges. And I hold grudges for, what others label as the slightest thing. And I hold grudges easily and for a long time

It is a constant effort to not dwell on grudges



What are other methods to let go of resentment?

I have a grudge against someone I got into a scrap with 9 years ago... It's pretty sick. When I get psychotic I still attack her to let off steam, although I'm trying to stop. It's not good for me or her. In short: We never let it go.



(LANGUAGE.)

Some articles claim that autistics tend to have fewer friends than NTs. And that the unemployment rate for autistics is higher than NTs. And Obsessive compulsive disorder is more common in autistic than NTs

Hence

Thus

So


Someone prone to obsessions, without distractions such as work and friends, sounds more likely to hold intense long term grudges, than someone without OCD, someone with a job, and with friends.


Having said that, autistic is different and only represents himself or herself

When I was first rejected by the friend who I menion, this movie was in theaters and I happened to stumble upon the original "Let it Go" song. It helped me realize that I have lots of cool things about myself that I need to let emerge like math, writing, animation etc and that I could be more of myself after she rejected me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0MK7qz13bU

That is good. And even though I do use hobbies, the feelings sometimes stem up, and it's a cycle of battling them as people with Asperger's, I think. Even though it gets tiring and draining, eventually good things happen.

I don't know what other methods of letting go of resentment are. I just know from personal experience what works for me. And I can empathize with that, because when people hurt us and abandon us, it really hurts. Unfortunately, holding grudges isn't healthy. We're usually loyal to a fault to those we hold closest to us, and then it fails.

I guess one thing that you can do is when another friend comes along hold on to them but don't expect them to stay. Friendships, I feel, are really fragile creatures esp. for people with AS. But when you do find another friend, or at least a group of caring people, it's possible that the feelings or resentment begin to dwindle, and you discover parts of yourself you didn't know where there.

I recently discovered a movie that I can use for comic relief everytime I feel angry or sad about being let down.


Other ways: At some point, you have to accept what happened even if that includes admitting your mistakes and reasons for things.

In the case of the falling out with my friend, she decided to reject me because I kept getting mad at her all the time which I did because I will admit that she pushed my buttons a lot. However, I recently had to accept it that I wasn't happy being with her even though she was someone to associate with.

I have also learned that when someone doesn't want you around because
1. You talk too much
2. You're hyper
3. You have pink hair
4. You're bubbly
5. Just because you walk fast and walk ahead of a group

I am not sure those are the kinds of people who I want to be around anyway because they are miserable people who tend to pick others apart because they have issues of their own that they don't want to deal with. Am I saying that I shouldn't tone it down? No. I am saying that I don't want to waste all kinds of energy getting the same people who complained in the first place to accept us and I certainly don't want to change JUST for them.

Mantra: here and now

Repression

Suppression

Change channel

"There's a thin line between love and hate"

A book claimed that the opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference

So, just trying and failing.... to get on with my dumbfuck "life"

Do you think resentment could stem from the grief process? One thing that people tend to forget is when we get hurt by our families, friends and any types of relationships, you are grieving over them. Think about it, anger is one of the stages of grieving.

Examples- When my friend rejected me I...
1.Denied that my former friend was a jerk "Not not my friend."
2. I bargained- "I should have never got in touch with her in the first place because of some guy who I had a huge crush on. I should have just chased him in the online forums."
3. I got depressed an cried a lot in 2014
4. My anger settled after I realized that she didn't want me anymore after we met along with discovering that she's a jerk
5. I recently accepted it that I wasn't happy in that relationship at all and that the reason her friends and family don't accept me because they were capable of accepting her for have autism. All the while her husband isn't capable of liking me because he's been coddled by a mother who has is probably on the spectrum herself along with being an unhappy person who puts others down to put herself up. This is along with him being clingy with my ex-friend to take care of him along with what he was taught about marriage growing up.

*Barely incapable of accepting ex-friend and other people who are different which is sad and I feel sorry for that whole group of people.*

Guys, thank you for all of your replies to let me understand more about resentment of Aspies. I regretted not to check it soon. My situation got worse, I made a new post about it for if your concern...

You are so welcome because this is an area that I greatly struggle with