Invited to a club for a b-day...what the heck do I do?

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Instead of hating yourself for not having the courage to go, be proud of yourself for being honest with yourself. There will be other opportunities to socialize. You were very worried about the club being too much by itself, let along having to deal with the social aspects as well. It's perfectly okay. If you continue to feel bad about it, then think of a way to make it up without going overboard. Something simple. But keep in mind, even making up for it may not be necessary.

Definitely send the birthday girl a Facebook message if you haven't already. Something along the lines of, "Happy Birthday! I hope you have a good time out there this evening. I'm sorry I couldn't make it." Most people are very forgiving, and something nice and simple like this will go a long way. It's probably not necessary to explain why you couldn't make it unless they ask later on, and even then a quick one-sentence answer should suffice.

Something as socially ingrained (I know this isn't coming out right - I mean something that seems to come with a lot of social customs) as a club is still a place where you can be yourself. If you ever get invited to The Men's Club or something, that's where they start becoming unforgiving, but forget those snooty people anyway.

I haven't been to my favorite gothic/industrial club for about 5 years now. I miss it. I like to dress up in long velvet dresses and pretty makeup. My style is FAR from being industrial with leather, and vinyl, and piercings, etc. It's just not me, but I love the music and I love dancing to the music. When I first started attending with a friend I would always disappear to a secluded balcony area, watch the dance floor until a song I liked played, go dance, then return to my "quiet" spot. I didn't talk to anyone, and when someone tried to approach me I was pretty standoffish, not because I wanted to be, but just because that's what made me feel most comfortable. After a couple of years of attending I finally started making some friends, so I started splitting my time between the balcony and the back porch area where I could hear people talking without having to scream in each others' ears.

That took a long time for me. It also required me to feel comfortable with my own style of dress that didn't exactly match what others were wearing. Incidentally, even at the goth club there were people that would walk in wearing their work clothes which consisted of khaki pants and a button-down shirt. They were comfortable and confident, though, and that's what really matters.

If you fancy this particular club, consider talking with your friend about maybe going out when it's just the two of you, and get to know the feel of the place. Start finding your feel within the place. If it's not your cup of tea, then find out what is. Little steps are fine.

same happens with me......

I wouldn't go unless I had a buddy to go with me, you know, to kinda stick together with.

right......someone who is my type and not opposite of me

If you didn't want to go, so be it. That's the difference between an invitation and a demand. It was your call, and if you made one they didn't like, that's something they need to grasp.