Types of Bad Friends.

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Yes of course everyone has these kinds of characteristics and in small doses we can usually overlook and tolerate them but when it's in extremes and impacts the life of another person then you need to assess the situation...

S

double post

So we ought to think of abandoning our friends when things get tough.....rather then try to work through the issue as friends and resolve it.


I mean in the situation of the bi-polar person reading a post wrong and going on a rant about it....what might have been wrong with simply letting her cool off and then having explain what was meant instead of treating that she misunderstood as some major offense on her part. I've misunderstood things and over-reacted before, luckily for me I guess everyone is not quick to abandon a relationship with someone when that happens. But yeah in that case I am litterally thinking people are wronging me its not as though I am 'abusing' them more like reacting how anyone would react if what she was paranoid about being done to her was actually being done to them. Now if she litterally was abusing you as in you know like beating you or controlling what your allowed to do or weird possisive stuff like that then I would have done the same. But to each their own I certainly don't expect you to keep people who are bringing you down in your life......but it just seems like you'd assume just abandon friends then try and work things out first. I could be wrong though and even if that is true well I can't tell you how to live your life...but In my life cutting out friends I do have would not do much good.

I used to know the wild child unrelieable friend. Oh, and she was clingy too.... Eventually I got rid of her when I had to move house with my parents when I was 11.

Thank you for your kind words and there is nothing wrong with giving advice to friends as that is different from taking over and solving their problems for them especially without their consent.

I think you have a good idea of what a friend is in terms of giving advice

S

Wow I really want to read ur blog.now that was an excellent piece! I am. Sorta the shrink but not entirely I like to think of myself as the sage I love giving advice and people come to me for it but I know how to respect others lives and not solve everything I see as a problem because to them it Amy not be a problem PLUS people also need to learn some lessons on their own by failing first...

Well she abused me publicly for whoever was on my friends list including relatives to see and still continued to abuse me publicly despite mine and another persons attempts to explain what I meant by what I wrote in my status and a loved one who generally never gets involved in these issues even said they would step in and speak to her if she kept her crap up so I took her off my friends list to put a stop to it then she sends me a private message saying a few nasty things and went on to criticise me further and thats when I fired up and admitted that my comments are sometimes thoughtless and politically incorrect but I also live in a democratic country where freedom of speech is allowed, she didn't have a comeback for that but did apologise which I accepted, I then added her back on to my friends list temporarily but after thinking about it further I realised that she really isn't someone I need in my life as she was starting to bring me down. Generally I am not to abandon a friendship too quickly, if anything I tend to hang onto friendships that really aren't that good for me for longer than I should and now I'm just learning how to balance that out and only surround myself with reasonably good people and move on from the less than ideal friendships...I'm not the same Aspie/ADDer who was desperate for friends and would take on any lame dog anymore, I have changed and I do know a little better now.

What angered me about this woman was that she was trying to tell me in a round about way how to express myself on my own Facebook, what right does she have to do that?? If she didn't like what was written she should simply not have read it and not commented on it and I told her that too not only that I am also like the forth person she's turned nasty on for either no reason or a reason which don't even affect her life like two of her friends getting into a relationship which she carried on like a jealous ex would despite the fact she was never with or even had an interest in the guy involved which is totally illogical.

I am sympathetic to people who are sick with a mental health condition as I know quiet a few people with those as I mentioned before and because I have been heavily exposed to people with disabilities and mental health conditions I am able to tell the difference between genuine illness and bad behaviour, as I said it was explained to her by two people what I meant by what I wrote in my status and she still continued her crap.

S

You generally have to do whats right for you and maybe that move when you were 11 helped you move on from this not so healthy friendship and it maybe helped her in some way too unless she found someone else to cling onto....

S

Okay. But if you find someone who is never any of those things, please let me know. I want to meet this paragon of humanity.

Come on, aren't you being a perfectionist? Some of these aren't really types at all but behaviors.

HUMAN BEINGS HAVE FLAWS. Accepting this means you also accept yourself and all your flaws. Also that people aren't right dismissing Aspies as flawed.

If you've been hurt by friends and no longer want to associate with them as individuals, that's one thing, but to list a lot of very human behaviors as types and say you reject them all means you reject most of humanity.

I'm glad I haven't encountered too many of those. The worst I encountered in the past few months was someone who asked what I was doing several times an hour at times. He's friendly, though, and it's mostly in jest.

We all misread things from time to time and we all lose our cool and need time to cool off from time to time but if we're reasonable people like myself and you by the sounds of it then things can be sorted out quickly and go back to normal but yes when someone continues their garbage despite a proper explanation being given then you have to take the appropriate action.

It was just an upsetting experience and it really felt as if she was trying to wind me up and antagonize me and I told her this too and she didn't make any attempts to deny it which led me to believe that I was right in assuming that she was doing some of this s**t on purpose, basically what I'm saying on here has already been told to her except I didn't tell her our friendship was over as she was in a bad way and I didn't want to make things worse so I blocked her and then later deactivated my Facebook and my decision to stop using Facebook was probably one of the best decisions I've made in a long time, I feel happier, I am more positive and I actually have time to play computer games, write on forums like this one that are worthwhile, spending time with loved ones and living life without all the unnecesary drama, negativity and BS that comes with some people on Facebook.

I think Facebook is a great way to communicate with family and friends but sadly too many use it for the wrong reasons therefore abusing it and ruining the experience for everyone else.

S

If he's friendly and you know it's done in jest you shouldn't worry about it unless it becomes really annoying and then you can probably tell that person to slow it down or if they ask what you're doing several times in an hour or something and if you're still doing the same thing you could say "Same as before" and the like.

S

It's not about being a perfectionist at all and yes I am well aware that everyone has these behaviours but like I've said in other posts we can generally tolerate and overlook most of these behaviours if they're in small doses and don't overpower and outweigh the good in that person however if it's in extremes then it can become a problem like I've also said before.

While I think animals are far better than people I haven't actually rejected humanity itself because I am aware there are good people out there.

As I mentioned in another post I also tolerate too much s**t from other people and I am learning to weigh up pros and cons of keeping particular types of friends, what I should tolerate from those friends, when I should attempt to fix a friendship if it's in trouble or whether I should move on because I no longer want to be a doormat, a punching bag, a scapegoat or anything else of the sort.

S

Okay. But if you find someone who is never any of those things, please let me know. I want to meet this paragon of humanity.

Come on, aren't you being a perfectionist? Some of these aren't really types at all but behaviors.

HUMAN BEINGS HAVE FLAWS. Accepting this means you also accept yourself and all your flaws. Also that people aren't right dismissing Aspies as flawed.

If you've been hurt by friends and no longer want to associate with them as individuals, that's one thing, but to list a lot of very human behaviors as types and say you reject them all means you reject most of humanity.