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What do you think is the main motivator of social withdrawal?
Desire human contact but can't figure people out; prefer to stop trying 70%  70%  [ 75 ]
Do not desire human contact; prefer to be alone 21%  21%  [ 22 ]
Other (please post) 9%  9%  [ 10 ]
Total votes : 107

namaste
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25 Dec 2012, 1:38 am

I choose the first option
I want to socialise but im unable to
I dont fit in and people reject me outright
I make social mistakes and i am ridiculed


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Ai_Ling
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26 Dec 2012, 1:55 am

First option, most definetly. I have trouble with spontaneous communication in that spontaneous yet natural way. In have trouble with timing, knowing when to say hi, say a brief comment or start small talk, knowing whether to come up to someone, knowing what to say in return to other people.



BlueAbyss
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27 Dec 2012, 12:04 pm

I'm a little of both, but more of a "don't want to socialize." I get bored socializing, and feel that my time is being wasted. It's not that rewarding to me. I find that my time alone is richer and more satisfying.

It doesn't mean I don't like people. I care about people as individuals and about society in general. But I don't think that requires me to be with or interact with other people that much. Most of my interaction is online and with one to two people in my personal life. I'm happy with that.

What bothers me most about what the OP complains of is that people assume not wanting to socialize means there's something wrong with you, either that you're depressed or that you're likely to snap and start shooting people. Nope. I'm a pacifist for the most part. I'm against war, between countries and between people. I just work and live better - I'm happier - with infrequent human contact.

Because I spend a lot of time by myself, I find that I enjoy being with people more on the rare occasions that I socialize - as long as it's not some overwhelming sort of gathering, a mob or a loud party. I enjoy chatting with some stranger in line at the post office more than, say, a birthday party.


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namaste
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27 Dec 2012, 12:18 pm

BlueAbyss wrote:
I'm a little of both, but more of a "don't want to socialize." I get bored socializing, and feel that my time is being wasted. It's not that rewarding to me. I find that my time alone is richer and more satisfying.

It doesn't mean I don't like people. I care about people as individuals and about society in general. But I don't think that requires me to be with or interact with other people that much. Most of my interaction is online and with one to two people in my personal life. I'm happy with that.

What bothers me most about what the OP complains of is that people assume not wanting to socialize means there's something wrong with you, either that you're depressed or that you're likely to snap and start shooting people. Nope. I'm a pacifist for the most part. I'm against war, between countries and between people. I just work and live better - I'm happier - with infrequent human contact.

Because I spend a lot of time by myself, I find that I enjoy being with people more on the rare occasions that I socialize - as long as it's not some overwhelming sort of gathering, a mob or a loud party. I enjoy chatting with some stranger in line at the post office more than, say, a birthday party.


after years of ridiculed even i feel better when i am left alone to my devices
occassional talking with some people at some occassions is more then enough for me


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RazorEddie
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28 Dec 2012, 7:02 pm

I personally don't want to socialise. As a child, I didn't really think about other people. I understood that others people are individuals with their own thoughts and feelings but to me they weren't much different from other objects or animals in my environment. Actually, some of the other kids were little better than wild animals but that is beside the point. While I am not so extreme now I still have very little need to be with others.

I do have a few friends but they are very much from shared interests and it is frighteningly easy to let them slip away.


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StuckWithin
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01 Jan 2013, 7:24 pm

Fnord wrote:
... but because I sucked at sports in a jock-run school system, no one took me seriously when it came to science-based discussions, even when I was right (which was most of the time).

I can so relate to that. The "jock-run" school system.

I think that this is a particular stupidity in the West. I could be wrong, but I sense that the extreme praise lavished on the jock-types (and the disdain for asocial intellectual types - the "square" types) is strongest in the Anglo West.

Can anyone confirm or correct this?

I remember a while ago reading an opinion that in the Japanese culture, geekdom is actually respected (can you imagine that? LOL .)


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MrJudah
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01 Jan 2013, 8:25 pm

I would like to be more social, not entirely sure I want to have people around constantly but being able to participate in "chit-chat" would be nice. The reason I haven't succeeded well is because after the interaction is over (especially with new people) I tend to over think what I could of said differently or if I came off awkward and "strange". I guess I sort of gave up trying to avoid the after effects...



zeroed
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04 Jan 2013, 6:03 pm

when people ask you to visit and start going to outings - saying that literally, but when you do they act like the opposite. caution required, very confusing