FB Overcommenting
I probably commented on, at most, 25% of her posts. But to her, 25 = 100.
And the friendship cannot be salvaged, no matter how much I clarify things with her. She won't listen.
_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!
For me, I only comment on stuff if I find it interesting or funny. And if I think of something awesome to say I comment that too sometimes. If my best friend's post was "I like cats" I wouldn't reply, even though it's my best friend. I might like it, but no comments.
I'm not good at social stuff but that is what has worked with me. You could always make a a funny message to the person like:
"AHHHHH I'm sorry I comment on you're stuff WAY TOO MUCH! LOL" or whatever and then if they reply to you and sound angry or annoyed while agreeing with you then that's you're queue to slow down
If they are like "LOL dude IDC" it probably doesn't matter.
But IDK I'm not super good at being social on FB that's JUST what I do.
And you could send that message to basically whoever you might overcomment on but whatever do what you want, just an idea of mine ![]()
I'm not good at social stuff but that is what has worked with me. You could always make a a funny message to the person like:
"AHHHHH I'm sorry I comment on you're stuff WAY TOO MUCH! LOL" or whatever and then if they reply to you and sound angry or annoyed while agreeing with you then that's you're queue to slow down
If they are like "LOL dude IDC" it probably doesn't matter.
But IDK I'm not super good at being social on FB that's JUST what I do.
And you could send that message to basically whoever you might overcomment on but whatever do what you want, just an idea of mine
That would only creep her out even more.
_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
What if you're accused of overcommenting, but other friends of that person who comment far more frequently are not accused?
In other words, you're singled out?
Then that person is very selective about who they like getting attention from.
I wasn't even told I was overcommenting until *after* I was unfriended by that person, so no opportunity to correct myself. And I would never do anything to intentionally make anybody uncomfortable. That friend is gone forever.
Nearly all of this person's friends were people she'd known for years, or family members. I was one of the few newbies. I think there was favoritism going on.
What I meant was that I thought all her friends, myself included, would be treated equally as far as commenting went. I was commenting on articles, memes, and posts I found interesting. It wasn't like "OK, the post came from her, so I feel obligated to post", or anything like that.
I am sorry you've experienced this: being rejected like this can feel really hurtful.
Unfortunately, not everyone is going to be as accepting as you think. Some people have an unwritten rule that only their clsoe, inner circle of friends in real life can comment/like things they have posted repeatedly. While you see it as simply sharing your opinions and interests, she and her husband saw your behavior as strange, as chances are, you don't interact with this woman much in real life. Because it was unusual, he assumed the worst case scenario - romantic interest. Learning from this scenario, I would suggest that in the future, you either use caution when commenting/liking the posts of others that you don't actively share interests already or who you are not close to.
This is just how I interpreted the situation though, and it's important to rise above it. You are still a well-meaning person who just didn't realize he was making a mistake at the time, and it's important to forgive yourself for this mistake. This rejection hurts, but I think these people were just not accepting of who you are, so they were obviously not good "friends" to begin with. It's best to sever the ties with them and focus on people who are more accepting of who you are.
I'm sure you have other, more open-minded people who you can share interests with. If you'd like more people to do this with who are open to having people comment on the topics they post, finding discussion groups with these topics online or on facebook would be your best bet.
She isn't married. He is married to someone else (separated, to be fair), and she is "the other woman".
I don't focus on who's posting something, I just focus on the post. In other words, I don't single out anyone for frequent posting.
Also, in one conversation, the "boyfriend" told me he had no problem with me commenting, and was even encouraging it. Yet she told me he was uncomfortable with it. It's really screwy.
_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!
That's the difference between your perspective and hers. She would only post on the thread of someone she felt close to, so she has assumed that you were stepping over a line. You didn't mean to, but she read it that way. It would be similar to opening her front door and just walking in like you were a close friend. That is how uncomfortable it seems to her.
I am not that close to my cousins, but we sort of keep in touch on Facebook. I rarely comment on their posts because we aren't that close, but I may add a like for example if my cousin posts that her kid has just taken her first step.
I've noticed in the Facebook world that people only comment on their close friends and close family's posts. It creates an uncomfortable dynamic if somone steps outside of those boundaries. It isn't like here on this forum where anyone can jump into the conversation and add their thoughts if they find it interesting. It's a different type of forum and it is kind of weird. I have alot of facebook friends that I don't interact with, but I added them out of politeness. They don't comment on my posts and I don't comment on theirs, but we like something if we find it funny or interesting.
That's the difference between your perspective and hers. She would only post on the thread of someone she felt close to, so she has assumed that you were stepping over a line. You didn't mean to, but she read it that way. It would be similar to opening her front door and just walking in like you were a close friend. That is how uncomfortable it seems to her.
I am not that close to my cousins, but we sort of keep in touch on Facebook. I rarely comment on their posts because we aren't that close, but I may add a like for example if my cousin posts that her kid has just taken her first step.
I've noticed in the Facebook world that people only comment on their close friends and close family's posts. It creates an uncomfortable dynamic if somone steps outside of those boundaries. It isn't like here on this forum where anyone can jump into the conversation and add their thoughts if they find it interesting. It's a different type of forum and it is kind of weird. I have alot of facebook friends that I don't interact with, but I added them out of politeness. They don't comment on my posts and I don't comment on theirs, but we like something if we find it funny or interesting.
As far as commenting on interesting posts, I do that with everybody. She was the first, and so far, only person to accuse me of "overcommenting." I would be so happy if this friendship could be salvaged, but it doesn't look likely.
If I could do anything differently, and if the friendship could be salvaged, I would request some clearer boundaries and guidelines, so I wouldn't make the mistake again.
_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!
I agree with this, especially if no one else has a problem. She's maybe just a very private person with specific boundaries.
Do you know her in person? Maybe you can just explain you didn't mean to be over-enthusiastic and apologize if you've accidentally stepped over a line.
Thing is as well, maybe she's not feeling in a good place at the moment and it's got nothing to do with you. Maybe it's simply got to do with how she's feeling just now. If I'm feeling down I delete people off facebook and narrow it down to a more family oriented environment. Then I build friends up again, then I get depressed and delete them. She might just be irrational like me.
I agree with this, especially if no one else has a problem. She's maybe just a very private person with specific boundaries.
Do you know her in person? Maybe you can just explain you didn't mean to be over-enthusiastic and apologize if you've accidentally stepped over a line.
Thing is as well, maybe she's not feeling in a good place at the moment and it's got nothing to do with you. Maybe it's simply got to do with how she's feeling just now. If I'm feeling down I delete people off facebook and narrow it down to a more family oriented environment. Then I build friends up again, then I get depressed and delete them. She might just be irrational like me.
She is a former co-worker. I was laid off due to things beyond my control. I did explain things to her, but it has fallen on deaf ears. I've lost her as a friend forever.
_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!
I agree with this, especially if no one else has a problem. She's maybe just a very private person with specific boundaries.
Do you know her in person? Maybe you can just explain you didn't mean to be over-enthusiastic and apologize if you've accidentally stepped over a line.
Thing is as well, maybe she's not feeling in a good place at the moment and it's got nothing to do with you. Maybe it's simply got to do with how she's feeling just now. If I'm feeling down I delete people off facebook and narrow it down to a more family oriented environment. Then I build friends up again, then I get depressed and delete them. She might just be irrational like me.
She is a former co-worker. I was laid off due to things beyond my control. I did explain things to her, but it has fallen on deaf ears. I've lost her as a friend forever.
_________________
Tacos (optional)
