Is being the self-aware aspie easier for us or worse?

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I think it's an individual thing but for me, I'm lucky. I live in a pretty non-discriminatory, stable, regular world where my routine doesn't change much from day to day, people at work are accepting, EEO workplace. I get heaps of time for my Special Interests, not too many stressors, regular... you get the idea so being an Aspie in my world isn't a bad thing. I'm not like other people and I'm glad about that. Being an Aspie certainly gives me special talents like hyperfocus, seeing the world from a different perspective to nypicals.

Knowing or not, I still feel like I'm on the wrong planet (which was how I found this Website).

Don't want to stay here forever though. One day, they'll come and pick me up.

If someone can seem oblivious on the outside are they really on the inside? You can't really see into a person's mind.
I often hide when I've been hurt but I'll later write about it often surprising people.
So I doubt that everyone who seems to not be hurt actually is. There might be some people that are able to brush it off or not be aware, But we must be very careful in assuming that. I don't think people no matter where they are on the spectrum aren't capable of being somewhat self-aware. They will pick up bits here and there and just not know how to change their behaviour or learn new skills so they never change. To you it might seem they have no idea what is going on.

Now I have built up a lot of social skills yet still fail at times and remembering back to my lack of social awareness it was still pretty tough for me. People yelled at me all the time and called me selfish, and that still happens but with less frequency. It still hurts just as much.

I don't think there's any easier way. To me self-awareness means more anxiety but less awareness means you have to be dependent on others who often put you down because they think you are either rude or stupid or both.

Also, my environment can go from really supportive to really hostile. So sometimes it's easier for me and sometimes it's so difficult and I feel like no one truly understands me that I want to run away.

Yes it's amazing how quickly people can go from seeming supportive to angry and telling me I am demanding, rude and thoughtless.

Most of the time i have a long struggle figuring out what they are talking about. And it will turn out they wanted something, did not say what they wanted, thought I should know what it was (and an NT might have), and got angry their wish did not come true.

Not making excuses. Just seems to me I'm supposed to respond in the moment without thinking too much, except when someone doesn't like what I say. And then I wasn't.

I'm not entirely sure if I'm self aware or not. I was bullied alot as a kid but I didn't understand how I came off to others. I'm not good with body language & I don't notice facial expressions at all; I have a low vision disorder that might cut me some slack with people who know that. People often misinterpret my facial expressions or something else & assume I'm in a mood that's different than what I really arm. I'm not good at reading others moods but I can sometimes tell but I sometimes misinterpret tone of voice. I'm in my own world alot especially in social situations where it doesn't matter like going shopping with my girlfriend & I have some habits that come out but I can manage being social pretty OK for a bit when I try but I'd get drained fast visiting or chatting. I don't care how I come off to others for the most part but I'd hate to face negative consequences or embarrass people; for the most part at this point in my life those things won't come up because of the situations where I'm out but in the future like if I start looking for work & at work I could have problems if I'm not very careful depending on the environment. I'd like to learn some better social skills so I could handle situations better for longer when I really have to & if I get in an environment where I can make offline friends because I feel like I rely on my girlfriend too much for social contact because she's the only person I hang out with & really talk to offline(well we sometimes hang out with her sister) but trying to learn skills & force myself to use em would take alot of reminding & effort.