Friend using me?

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I'm just wondering if he has feelings for you. If so, that could explain his bad mood after you straight-out said no way after he half-joked about you having to date if neither of you find someone by 40... Also, his wanting to stay at your place *may* have been a half-attempt to see if some spark would take place... Also, his chasing after other girls who are clearly not for him may be a half-hearted attempt at finding someone since he can't have you.

Just thinking out loud here. I don't know... Any guys have some insight to what I'm saying here?

Been there done that...I watched a movie one time and the woman said

"he uses you-you use him." That's how it works...

I suppose she is right in a way we all use each other some time or another but if he starts asking for sex or money then its time to drop him

I still have a hard time understanding the idea of using a woman for sex. In my admittedly clueless view, having sex with a friend should only make you better friends, not worse. Of course, I'm assuming noöne is feeling pressured to have sex against their will.

I'm just wondering if he has feelings for you. If so, that could explain his bad mood after you straight-out said no way after he half-joked about you having to date if neither of you find someone by 40... Also, his wanting to stay at your place *may* have been a half-attempt to see if some spark would take place... Also, his chasing after other girls who are clearly not for him may be a half-hearted attempt at finding someone since he can't have you.

Just thinking out loud here. I don't know... Any guys have some insight to what I'm saying here?[/quote]

Nerdy girl: I agree that he is making an attempt, but it appears that his half hearted attempts were towards Summer_ Twilight and not at the other girls, thinking that Summer is a good 'consolation prize' (awful analogy, but it is the only one I can think of.) but than again maybe he realizes that coming clean with his desires would permanently shut the door on their relationship.
Although his motives are unclear, what is clear is he is not entirely honest with his dealings with Summer.

I had talked with someone else a few days ago and from what their understanding he has been chasing me around along with him manipulating me to sleep on my couch.

I let him down today by contacting him in the form of texting by first asking him to text me as soon as he got it. I used my voice texting device to explain that he is a great guy and I had enjoyed hanging out with him in the past. I also explained manipulating me to sleep on my couch and then passing gas like that. I said "I know you can't help it but that is not appropriate." He did not like that. "Stop voice texting what you said was rude."

I also brought up the part where he and his other friends disrespected me at that convention and that he wanted to sweep what had happened under the rug. He also told me to leave his friends out of the matter and they have nothing to do with this. I said "Yes I think it does. When all three of you get together you know how to make others feel really bad about themselves."

He tried to correct my grammar and I said "Goodbye."

Good for you! You set your boundaries and stuck to them. I thought there was another post that you put asking for advice on how to handle it and in the end you stated that you want to only communicatever via Facebook, did you mention that? I was going to suggest several options with pros and cons but hey it worked. I learned in therapy a while ago that using "I" statements helps diffuse arguements. Such as: " I felt uncomfortable when you came to my apartment" (invading personal space) and "I felt uncomfortable when you suggested a romantic relationship whenot I clearly stated that this was purely a platonic one" (changing the rules of the relationship)

I feel really bad for what what I had to and I think he is a good person. On the other hand he is not a very happy one even though he has a career, a car, an apartment and enough money to support himself. He is just a Debbie Downer.

I would try and include him in things with my friends but he often gave me excuses that he enjoyed hanging out with people one on one. Yet he runs a meet up group and gets involved in special interest groups all the time and seems to have no problem socializing.

After we spoke I had seen a facebook status which says that he is pretty upset. All he did was complain about how his life has been so bad for him and how a few of us has rejected him are bad people. I just ignored him and let him vent.

Well happiness is more than the material wealth one can accumulate..I should know, had low grade depression before and all the material wealth would not lighten my mood, but always looked for what would make me happy.. but in reality it does not make much of a difference.
If he wanted more of a romantic relationship it would make sense that he would want to be with you one on one.
There may be a chance that you reconnect with him...just as long as you have your boundaries and he is aware of it.
Sounds like you have a good social group and will be OK missing the drama.

I would love be friends one on one I think he is going to keep on chasing me and will not seem to take no for an answer.

... especially if you start pursuing him for friendship now.
I would back off if I were you.
Find something you enjoy doing,
think about other things.

...

[quote="redbrick1"]I am still a bit confused (common issue with me ). In a pervious posts you made it clear that you were not romantically interested in him but that maybe he may be looking at you differently. You stated that he would only call you when he have exhausted all other romantic options, he had asked if you were interested in a romantic fling and you correctly evaluated through his non verbal communication that he was not really interested.
Maybe it is because you have only pointed out the negative but I fail to see why this guy is on your radar.
If you have a feeling of being used than you might be..why are you hanging with this man?[/quote

I will set the records straight:


In the beginning he had a thing for me but I made it clear that I was not interested in him on the level of romance. He chased me for quite some time before all of the drama which happened at the spring and early summer. Then we didn't speak to each other all summer as a result. After the summer we ran into each other at a party and went to a coffee shop where he said that I could tag along but he was too tired to talk and wanted to pay attention to his computer. After that he dropped me off at home and said that I could text him anytime that I wanted. I did not hear from him until I contacted him a month and a half until I texted him. He led me around on a few things. Then we most recently met up at a holiday party at the beginning of the month where he kept cutting out conversations short to talk to another girl that he liked.

Ok that makes sense....he always was thinking that you might be a romantic partner. Yea, I am sorry it sounds like he was playing it to see if he could get anywhere and you made it abundantly clear that it wasn't.
Now him cutting conversationso short to talk to another girl? Wow, who is the rude one?

During that entire convention he and his two other friends who I shared a room with were very curt. They were also very arrogant too as their opinions mattered. Things were so bad that I had to start avoiding and ignoring them all together while on the con floor along with changing room. They did not seem to care that I didn't come back to the room and nor did they call me to find out and I got not apology either. In fact I removed him from facebook but he didn't seem to get it. Neither did the other two.

Since he had three women let him down and tell them that they were not interested, he has been really depressed. As I said he threw a tantrum.

So you werected friends with all three of them? Sounded like the other two were his friends. Anyway when you unfriend someone on Facebook they may not know unless you were looking for them since Facebook does not notify you that said person unfriended you. When convention was it?

The two girls he chased were from a couple different organizations. One was from a face to face organization and the other was through a dating site where he had been corresponding with her via text.

He is into video gaming and so are the other two girls who I roomed with and he is just friends with them. Both of them are snobbish.

The convention was at the end of May this year.

Sounds like you did not want to be there which could have made the experience more negative than b of you wanted to be there. You may have ignores their bad behavior if you wanted to be there. So you might have not noticed their behavior if you really wanted to be there. But people bad attitude toward me can definitely sour my experience on a trip. I had that happen a couple of times. So if I did my math right that means there was four people to a room...cozy.