Ghosted by (ex-?) best friend

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That's not the case yet (hopefully). I mean it's clear she still considers me her best friend from little Facebook posts etc. We just can't seem to find the opportunity to actually talk. Either because we're trying to get her husband off her back (figuratively) or we are busy. It really seems like she doesn't get something is wrong, although my other really close friend knows all about the situation and would feel exactly the same way as I do, i.e. the need to sort it out.

But until she contacts me for something more than 'hihi so true' on one of my posts... the awkwardness from lack of trust remains.

I hope not either. In the mean time just keep trying to reach out little by little while not worrying about how her husband feels towards you.

Thanks will do!

Ohhhh Derpette!

Anyway...

abusive or not - people often put partners above friends.

If a friend's husband/wife hates you, chances that the friend will side with her/him.

Also even the most strong friendships between two persons often end with marriage of one of them - discrimination against singles is strong among the couple culture, it stings constantly when you are sitting with couples while you're single, they always going to point out you're an outlier among them somehow.

And don't ever put your nose in others' relationships even if he sounds a terrible match: you will always lose.

Source: Life.

Jep, Life is right. Though I never felt out of place between couples before...

I've known the couple for a while (him approximately 3 years, her almost . I never made a big deal about how he treats her, just maybe mentioned it in passing when we're alone. And once I told him maybe he should choose a differen word than the c-word to describe his wife. But that's all. He just gets drunk and angry at anyone nearby. He hates her father, and he and I get along pretty well, so that probably adds fuel to the fire.

But actually I have closed the book on it. If she can suddenly ignore me without any explanation to me as to the reason (disrespectful in my opinion), maybe it's better we aren't friends. I reached out one last time to tell her I missed her, that it hurt not being able to call her out of fear of disturbing her when she was actually the first person I wanted to tell my good news to and that I hoped she was ok. I got a heart-eyed smiley. Over a week ago. No words no follow up nothing else. Even when I replied to her emoticon, thinking we were good again...

My other friend told me she did the same to her once her friendship was no longer 'useful' - before she met her husband even. I feel that I should value myself more highly than a piece of trash to be discarded at random, so I am completely done. That's pretty irreversible (unless there's a good reason).

But thanks for getting me through this! I just wish people could say what they were thinking sometimes. A hurtful statement is worse than infinite doubt.

Aw...Derpette.

Sarah Andersen is my spirit animal
And just kidding, it's getting better with every day I don't hear from her .

I always think:

If somebody wants to "ghost" me, they can just go take a hike.

Maybe in a couple of years' time, that somebody will realize how much was missed by not hanging out with me. Hee Hee

Hear hear!
If she doesn't miss me, I don't matter as much to her as she does to me. So time to adjust my perspective .

MsV, based on her response on Facebook it sounds like she just isn't a good communicator. She may still love you but might not be interested either. Rather she might be feeling that she is in a very different place than you and are which is quite common when someone gets married or gets into a relationship yet she is too scared to let you down because she loves you so much. It doesn't mean that she is a jerk but I do agree that she is being very rude to you. You might send her one more message to confirm as to whether or not she is interested in maintaining a relationship with you and that you are confused.

I had the same thing happen to me two years ago where a close friend invited me over for Christmas dinner one day and the next, I had her over for New Year's brunch where it was clear that she took very little interest in me.

Suddenly
1. She stopped calling, writing, responding to my texts
2. We met up for tea once and the conversation was not only detached and shallow but she also started buying tea for one instead of two.
3. I suggested getting together for an event and she said "I will have to check my schedule.
4. She refused to attend events that when my other friends reached out to her.

I ended up sending her an e-mail and asked whether she was interested in continuing the relationship along with asking if she was mad at me about something.

She was more than happy to respond by stating that "Maybe we aren't a good fit for each other. I am very sorry and very sad but here is why."

I was very hurt too but I have learned to live with her choices even though I don't agree with her silly reasons.

Now she may just brush you off with "You know I love you but I have been so busy. I will talk to you in a few days but I would say go for it."

Thanks for your input! Nope she is a grea communicator, apparently, with everyone but me at the moment. Even went on a girl's trip last weekend.

Wondering if I should just let her know that it's fine if she doesn't want to be friends and that I just wish she could have spared me the roller-coaster ride by just telling me. And that I still think it's cruel to leave me guessing the reason.

I feel I need that closure for myself. But maybe it's one of those messages better written and tossed in the bin than sent...

Not that I'm still very emotional invested, but I am still incredibly hurt by how she had "discarded" me.

Sorry about what happened in Brussels.

MsV- No I mean in terms of being upfront with people who she isn't interested in yet she can go behind their back and tell everyone else.

I think you should let her know in a nice way "Hey get the message that you aren't interested in associating with me anymore and I respect that. However, please know that it was not okay to fade out of my life without really giving me a reason why. I am confused because I thought you were my friend and that I could trust you. However if I did something to offend you please let me know."

If you gives you a brush off with a soothing excuse, know that it is okay to say "I get it that you are busy but if you are going to lie to me then please do not proceed to contact me until you are willing to be upfront."

Nice one! I may use that verbatim .
Yesterday made me even more aware that there is no time in life for people who aren't straightforward and people who knowingly hurt us. So I guess it's time to sort it out and put it in the past in order to live each day to the fullest...

Thanks for being an amazing ghostwriter today Summer_Twilight! You helped more than you know (I'm still halfway stuck in shutdown so words - especially feelings - are hard at the moment).

It sounds like you are dealing with the shock of having who you thought was a friend pull a 180 on you? I would say give yourself time to calm down and gather your thoughts first.

When my friend ghosted on me two years ago
1. I testing things by sending her a text message after a bad snow storm and never heard back
2. When I found out that she wasn't attending a party over at another friend's house of mine, I asked "Are you mad at me over anything?"
3. I gave her a three day grace period to contact me and be upfront in which of course she ignored the text
4. By the third day I sent her an e-mail to ask her again if she was mad at me and wanted to know if was interested in pursuing things or not (Though she replied with a very sad and disappointing response, I was able to get clarity on what was going on from her end).

Believe it really hurt because I was going through a rough time and I feel like she pulled what she did when I feel that I needed her the most since she kicked me when I was down. What was worse is that she told me that she "Loved me like a sister," and then went back on her word.

At the same time things have gotten better for me because...

1. She didn't really treat me very well during our friendship
2. She was very insecure and was envious of me from day 1
3. She always carried a chip on her shoulder because she didn't have certain traits or talents that I have in common with most of her family
4. She had a very negative spin people with autism and any type of disabilities

In time you will discover things about your relationship with her and wonder whether it was healthy.