Thinking people like you....finding out they don't?

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That's the spirit, man. I just wish I could be like you.

Man alive, why are people so freaked out if you don't talk "enough?" I've had room mates shun me in the long run only because I wasn't always doing things with them. I just didn't have the time in my schedule- it doesn't make me an evil person, or even weird ( or does it? )

I have noticed that in my course, many people are really friendly to me, but they don't respond to my messages on Facebook in the past, nor do they invite me to go out during the holidays etc. I know of 5 cases where lots of people have been invited to a person's Birthday party except for me even though I talk to them. It's as if they don't tell me what I've possibly done wrong or how I could've offended them. It makes me quite annoyed, but I figure that if they're not gonna be upfront and honest to me about myself, then I shouldn't bother talking to them that much anyway...

Besides like and dislike, there is the question of whether they even really notice your existence.

I have noticed that without a non-verbal connection to the "hive mind", my existence within a group has always had far less salience than that of even newcomers and similarly quiet people. This is so even among family.

I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me over the many years now. Basically, I've often come across people whom generally seemed to appear as a friend from the initial start but, eventually down the line would find out that they're were simply hanging around merely cause, it suited them in some emotional manner and all.These days, I'm not that fond of aligning myself to people still, I'm not totally devoid of making friends just find it very difficult as, to whom to trust and whom to clearly avoid and all.

I've started trying to mentally keep like an emotional and financial balance sheet for my friendships. By this method I've identified that, at least from my perspective, a number of my friendships of the last few years have been pretty disproportionate. These "friends" don't treat me with respect, don't reciprocate various favors (often favors requested by them -- not offered by me), and so on. I think I put up with this sometimes because I'm bored and lonely, and it probably even reinforces that behavior.

I have one friend that feels he can pretty much drop by my house unannounced if we even vaguely discuss plans. It really irritates me, and I told him I don't really appreciate that because explaining my plans to my dad makes me anxious and I like to avoid it when I can. I'm 24, so it's not really any of his business what I'm doing on a day to day basis, and he agrees. However, my friend just lectures me about my anxiety and persists in stopping by without even confirming that I'm awake or ready. Even if my parents aren't particularly concerned with what I'm up to, when a friend drops by unannounced while I'm asleep it requires some explanation.

However, if we vaguely discuss plans that don't involve some reward for him, it seems he has absolutely no problem disembarking without even contacting me to let me know that he's left without me.

He's the only person I regularly talk to in person where I am now, so I think my lack of alternatives has thus far motivated me to put up with this (and similar) disrespect, but I don't think I'm going to respond to him much anymore. At least, I hope I have the strength of will to not give in to boredom and continue reward the disrespect with my participation.

There have been times when I've been friends with someone at school who turned out not to like me very much. Usually it's somebody who's sitting by me in class. We'll talk when we have free time, work together on projects, and generally get along well. But then the class ends and the friendship immediately dissolves, and I realize that this person either a) was being friendly out of pity, or b) wanted an in-class friend to work with and I just happened to be there.

When someone gets angry, back off and give him or her space, without the first step of deciding whether they are right or wrong. This is a sign of respect. It is also constructive action for the future of the relationship, even if it ends up being a short-term relationship.

And it took me a long time to figure this out.

Many psychologists and books on psychology actually give pretty mediocre social advice. There is far too much "psychologizing" of a person's feeling, wishes, decisions, as if that somehow automatically provides a reason for going against the person.

Movies generally model poor social behavior, with too much in-your-face. I guess that makes for "drama," of a sort, not very mature drama, not really much depth of character or relationhsip or story.

All in all, it sounds like your friend is pretty immature, not even making an effort to do the basic things to accord you respect. I guess that's where he is at at this time in his life.

Oh yes, I understand this well.

Twice in my life my best friend of that time (both of these people had been my best friend for a year to 2 years when this happened) out of the blue turned around one day and told me they hate me and to stop following them/leave them alone. With one of these friendships we hung out at school and went to each others house on a weekly basis, and the other one we hung out at primary school and she invited me to her birthday party.

In retrospect I realize they might have disliked me/found me irritating from the start, but I was completely blind to the cues. I've had other friends and friendship groups turn on me in the same way too. Hasn't happened for a year or so though, because I've figured out how to read a lot of cues in the past two years.

Mrs. W: Can't you tell that X doesn't like you?
Me: No.

This happens a to me a lot. At wok, people have to be nice to each other, otherwise, everything would go to hell. That doesn't mean that they like each other. There's my confusion: I can't tell if a person is being nice to me because he has to or because he wants to. Obviously, there are signs that people don't like me, I just don't know what they are. My NT wife sure does.

Another situation: A coworker expressed an interest in a certain kind of music. I heard another coworker playing this music, so I told the first and they subsequently went to concerts together. Did I get the slightest bit of recognition from the 2nd? No! Now, she only talks to me because she depends on me. It's not like I've done anything to offend her, I haven't had the opportunity. It's more than her shyness. :sigh:

It took me years to understand that.

Hi. I am new on here. I think I may have asperger's or if not possibly social anxiety disorder and untreated/undiagnosed adhd.

I have never "fit in" socially almost anywhere and have few to almost no freinds at this point. I have been successfully married for 18 years and have been able to hold down a good job but I am very socially awkward and have been so my whole life.

I always assume that people don't like me and I am not dissapointed that way. It takes me a long time to make freinds and then I'm not even sure if they are or not(can't really get a good read on people).

So I just assume almost everyone I know dislikes me and leave things to basically being civil with them and working with them to accoplish whatever task is at hand.
I do not and have never been able to just "hang out" with people like "normal" people do. My associations tend to be task-related. Probably the closest I get to "hanging out" with someone is with my wife. She is about the only one than I have anything to do with other than accomplishing tasks that need to be done.

Again, I have not been diagnosed with aspergers but I have always had trouble socially my whole life.

Amazing that NT's "pretend" to like you when in reality they may very well hate your guts. I am still trying to figure out "the rules." Anybody understand "the rules?" I try to treat other people like I want to be treated. This involves sincerity, honesty, being open about feelings..... DOING what I say I'll do! NT's value clever quips, sarcasm, pop-cultural nonsense, ridicules jokes, social climbing, acting differently according to whom or where, etc. No loyalty, compassion.....Whoever has the most money, influence, number of friends or other socially valued BS wins! In other words, "WATCH YOUR BACK!! !!" If everybody in the world jumps off a cliff- I'm not jumping!! ! If they behave according to faulty value systems forget 'em. Just keep on doing the right thing and being yourself. I like all you socially inappropriate intellectuals! You make sense! They are a mystery to me....

I've just figured out how to have friends!! !!Just act two-faced, inconsistent, selfish, hide your true feelings, "name drop" and flatter yourself alot, have alot of money (be sure and make it "any" way you can and tell people about it), talk ALOT (mostly about trivial non-sense) and PRESTO CHANGE-O.....you've got tons of friends. Especially when "the group" finds out, then the whole herd will "be your friend." For awhile....until some strange unknown variable changes and the whole group shifts like a bunch of dumb sheep...Baaaaa....Baaaaa :lol Don't forget to LIE alot!! !

Yeah, lying helps if you're good at it, but in the end someone will figure you out and then you're screwed. Money, good social lubricant...too bad those get rich quick schemes I seen on TV never helped

+1

Outside of my own family, people rarely even put up with me, let alone like me.