"Rules of the game" Shy mens social course

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I bought a book about 2 years ago called "the rules of the game", its a self help book for men who want to improve their social skills. It has this 30 day "challenge" where you have to become more social and outgoing.

Day one was to make small talk or say anything to 5 strangers, anyone young/old, male/female. It said it doesnt matter how succesful the coversation is or if they ignore you, as long as you say something. Day 2 was the same, only you had to look each person in the eye and note their eye colour.

On day 3, you have to call up random numbers or places of business and persuade the person to recomend a movie for you to see tonight (first putting them at ease for talking to a strange person). I wouldn't do this, and I lurked on a forum for people who were trying to do the challenge and it seems most of them skip this one. I could never call a stranger or work in a sales job!

The next day was giving a compliment to four women, 2 of them have to be complete strangers. The fifth day was approaching 4 women or groups of women (who are strangers to you) and asking them to recomend you a clothes shop. The challenge supposedly goes on in this vein untill you're meeting new people all the time, making new friends, finding a partner, and the last day was hosting a party.

The challenges were interspersed with activities - one was writing down goals (like a new job) and fantasies (like being a rock star) for life and deciding which ones to put into action, another one was to record your voice and work on problems like talking too slow or unclear, repeating sentences into the tape untill you sound better. Another one was to look at your own posture, see if needed work and spend a day walking round with better posture. Some of the later activities seemed quite spiritual and hypnotic.

Anyway I did not attempt this challenge myself, I didnt even read through it all. Although i did try to put some parts of it into practise, like being more relaxed in a crowd. I am in a relationship at the moment with someone I love a lot so am not interested in parts that help you find someone. I'd like to see what aspies would make of such a book though and whether such things can help them.

Last edited by Tom on 26 May 2009, 2:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yup. You seem to be a realist. You can't get women when you're shy. I don't read those silly books though.

When I got a couple of girlfriends back in my 8th grade year, I was constantly going to parties and hanging out with friends. The only reason i got with the girls is because their friends at the parties came up to me and said that the girl thinks im cute. Being physically attractive is an advantage that some men have in the dating area of life

it goes

1.Physical attractiveness
2. Social skills
3. making the relationship work (whather just friends or gf and bf)

I seem to suck at part 2, so would just use part 1 to get me over the edge and I just simply ask the girl out. I dont talk much. Girls who like me ask me why I'm so quiet. I cant answer that question.

I didnt try any of that compliment stuff, its bull.

Like my brother said "Guys get too much of that game stuff stuck in their heads, thats why they cannot function right when they talk to girls" he's basically saying that they think too much about the situations. i dont think anymore I just do.

I use my appearance as a tool. I dont use what i dont got. I usually talk about FEET and other stuff I like about women. one technique that I do use is that if a cute girl walks pass, and im talking to a girl, I act like the girl who is walking pass is a goddess so i can get the other girl thinking...."OMG I cant let this cute guy get away, yhe likes f*g sally"

I remember I talked to these 2 girls and there was one that i thought was so cute and little, and I would talk to her more than the other girl and mention how cute she is to her and the other girl. The other girl eventually got self conscious and said, "Why arent you taliking to me, you hurt my feelings".

I make sure that girls know that I have interest in a million girls, and yes so they can get jealous. I talk about weird stuff. Most girls dont mind, some get weirded out, but then i know i dont anna talk to those girls anymore anyways.

I usually like to give girls foot massages and compliment them on their toes. The mature and openminded ones, or the ones who like me usually let me play with their feet, and I go from there. I dont know how to give other compliments, so i dont do it.

I USE WHAT I HAVE

You sound like you are good at creating jealousy though I am not sure whether that is something to be praised. Maybe at your age thats what its about, I never had many girlfriends then so i didnt know.
maybe you could compliment something you admire about your lady's character.

Not a bad idea for the experience. I've done similar challenges & had a lot of fun with them. It doesn't make you a more social person though. You just learn to step outside your comfort zone more; as if that's the only thing holding you back. Your true introverted nature ends up taking back over, & you just withdraw all over again. Felt like I was reliving my school years.

It did give me a new appreciation for being the way I am though.

I am female and always thought half-jokingly to myself that there must be some sort of rule book out there that would explain the mysteries of relationships to me. Lo and behold, I saw a book called " The Rules ". I read it and discovered it was one long discourse on how to play hard to get. I don't have that kind of emotional energy to spare and I resent the idea that I would have to pretend not to like someone I genuinely liked. I don't want someone I have to "fool" to get to know. Depressing.

Yea that is pretty rediculous. You know, at the teen thing in my church, the teen leader. he's like 26 or 27....he told the girls that there is so much out there about playing hard to get, and he told them that they dont need to act like that, and its a form of insecurity. I admire your realness Aimless.

I dont play hard to get, although I dont wear my feelings on my sleeve either. and To the original poster. I believe with older women, you dont have to do the whole jealousy thing, although they are still female and they will become jealous of another girl if you show interest in her, and many will find that attractive.

You dont have to be a player. You can be the guy who never gets girls at all, but act like you like a whole bunch of girls, dont act like they like you, act like you like them 9which u probably already do like many girls), and they might think that maybe its not all about me.

Alternatively, forget about trying to get girls and just be happy with yourself, and a good friend for others. Ok, that's harder than it sounds, but still, confidence and kindness goes a long way.

exactly. Forget about trying to get girls. Tom, i see that you are still having some insecurity problems about yourself (as we all do, but this is why we are here on WP). You continuously post things about women, if you didnt think about it yourself, you wouldnt be worried and you wouldnt even be posting these kind of threads.

Don't worry about it. focus on yourself. Women and sex is overrated.

Wise words, especially from someone as young as yourself.

There does seem to be an inverse relationship between the amount of time someone talks about getting laid compared to the amount of action they actually get. I have a card-playing buddy who constantly talks about all this dating guru stuff. The fact is, he's still a virgin, & the rest of us keep telling him the same thing. To stop pre-occupying your mind with all this game stuff, relax, & just get out there.

jemir I didn't write that ^ ( just to clarify)