Need help to get over something.

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Folks, I need help to get past something.I have something that has been bogging me down for over 2 years.

I once knew a woman, she was a TAFE teacher. I liked her and I tried to make friends with her but it's a difficult story to tell.

A couple of years ago I tried ringing her up, I just found it so difficult to do as I kept ringing up and hanging up. I am nervous by nature but I could barely bring myself to ring her up. I know this woman lived a very private life and I always respected that. People's private lives are not to be questioned, end of story.

Eventually, I got in contact with her by sending a letter and we were able to organise a day to catch up. Me being me, I am shy by nature, I can really find it hard in social situations. I mean we did converse but I was so nervous and shy that I could barely string a sentence together.

I want people to understand something as I will explain the situation I was in.

It is tricky situation when a man wants to be friends with a woman, the conception can be that it's love and that is the first thing that's going to be on people's minds with this matter. For many years, I thought it was, I will be honest, I used to think it was. It was always a tough situation for me as I couldn't understand why I liked this woman.

Heh, looks like I'm going to tell my life story, but I need to explain something so here it goes.

I did this TAFE course back in 1999, about six years after I finished school. As a kid gowing up, I was always put down, could never make friends at school or anything. Instead of being encouraged, I was put down more often than not.

I started a literacy and numeracy course at TAFE where I met this teacher. I'm into Rugby League, I follow the Broncos and I used to write about league in one of the activities. This is where I think this teacher had an influence on me. She gave me a lot of encouragment, and told me that I was clever.

I think this woman was huge in my life for that simple reason, she told me I was smart and clever. Not many people tell me that, I guess it probably sounds funny but I had a lot of negativity in my life growing up.

For many years after TAFE finished, I looked at this teacher's phone number in the phone book. I always knew that she was very private and could never bring myself to actually ring her up, until that night a couple of years ago.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't bring myself to ring her up. I kept ringing up and hanging up, I later found out that she had indeed rung the police. I've always been very sorry it went to that, this is one area I need help with. I can't get past the fact that I caused her so much trouble.

I'm living with a friend at the house I'm in now, I discussed a few things with her and got her to ring this teacher for me and ask her to be my friend. This seemed to "work". I gained a fair bit of self confidence in being able to be this woman's friend. I actually got better at ringing her up as time went on, I didn't hang up all the time and actually went through with the call.

I also sent her letters as I felt it was less intrusive for some reason, I always knew she was very private which is why I always felt nervous about ringing her.

One of the things we discussed was the fact that I don't become excessive in ringing up and such. I know I did though, there was one night when I rang her, this would be the last time I did. She really sounded annoyed, this is another thing I'm needing help with. I didn't mean to make her angry, it was not my main aim. After this phone call, I sent her a letter of good bye and I never bothered her again.

I never deliberately go out of my way to cause trouble for anyone, I really just tried to be this woman's friend. I do think I was trying to build some confidence as that was what she gave me when I wrote those stories about the Broncos.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation, able to offer some sort of advice as to how to get past this.

Thanks folks.

You sound very young in comparison to this teacher "friend"...well, she is not really a friend but rather, an acquaintance since you were both simply in a class together. Is there a really big age difference between the two of you?

Also, your story reminds me of the character played by Emilio Estevez in the film, "St. Elmo's Fire" in his infatuation with the character played by Andie McDowell. Obviously, this teacher "acquaintance" has a life and you are never going to be a part of it.
Learn to let go...and move on. If you don't, you could end up being charged with stalking and harassment by the police.

Ohh, this happened about 2 years ago, the problem too was she also moved to Vietnam so it became even more impossible to be friends.

Yes, there was a huge age gap. I tend to think I may have seen her as a bit of a mother figure. I certainly didn't have a problem in walking away though.

I understand the situation, I certainly respected her privacy at all times. Being a teacher, she is in that profession where she has to be careful. She liked to keep her work and home life separate as we all do.

I know I made a lot of mistakes, I do have a lot of regret and remorse for what I did.

I've held onto all this for over two years so I just want to get on with life. I hurt easily and don't forget in a hurry, things happen to me and they can stick for many years if I'm not careful. I have sought help for this but nothing seems to have worked. It is my own downfall in life not to move on from things.

I went into it not really knowing why I wanted to be this lady's friend. It's only been in the past 12 months that I've begun to understand a lot more than I did.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers in my late teens, so I knew I had it when I went to TAFE. I didn't really know much about it though and I know I acted strangely in a lot of instances. I had a habit of putting myself down, I'd be saying I'm dumb and stupid and other things. I think I did that because I wanted this teacher to tell me I'm smart and clever. To give me a lift. The only thing it did was make her angry and then she'd rouse on me.

I do think she had an influence on me though, she really was one of few people who constantly told me I was smart and clever. I've come to realise that I think I need someone like that in my life. I am unemployed, I have no confidence whatsoever I lost it all as a kid growing up.

I think this woman just gave me confidence, that I think is the biggest reason I wanted to be her friend. Having her there giving me encouragement would have been the best thing for me.

I think I made most of those mistakes in trying to be her friend because I didn't understand why. I couldn't explain anything to her as I didn't know.

I know I went about things incorrectly and I do wish I could have done things better.

I do hope she's well and happy, that's the thing I want her to know.

I think writing these things out is also helping me, being able to use a public forum might be a way for me to finally put this matter to rest.

Thanks folks.

That's almost exactly like something I went through. The difference is that I'm female and my ex-professor was male, and I emailed him instead of calling him. I made a nuisance of myself, for sure, but he had treated me as if I were a friend, or so I interpreted.

I was (am) married, and I always made the assumption that he was gay, but still I sometimes felt confused about how I felt and why. Why was I so nervous and obsessed(?) with this man, and why did I constantly feel the need to email him? All I knew was that I felt very much like we were meant to be friends, and that it was important to not let him slip away out of my life, like people do. I know I made a few little comments that may have suggested a sexual attraction on some level, although I never had any intention or desire to actually have any kind of sexual connection with him, if that makes sense. It was more like I felt a need to be open, because that's what you do with friend. Turns out he never thought of me as a friend at all.

Well...that was about 10 years ago. I actually don't feel as guilty as you seem to, because he really did act in a way that made me think he wanted to be friends. (Calling me "Sweetheart", asking endless, in-depth questions about me and my life, saying, "I ought to have you and your husband over to the house this summer.") It was really hard to stop thinking about him and the whole crazy situation, but I eventually began to FORCE MYSELF to put it out of my mind. I don't know if that's healthy or not, but I had to do it. I would start thinking about him in the old, obsessively analyzing way, and I would say, "Nope. Get OUT of my mind." If he had not led me on (intentionally or unintentionally), then it would be different; I would continue to feel guilty, probably.


Still, I do feel like I can really relate to what you went through. Oh, in fact, come to think of it, there was a guy who I called nervously 10,000 times and hung up. I had forgotten about him. Yep. Been there.

Hey...my phone rings every day, and it's a hang up. Maybe some aspie is obsessed with me! No, actually, I think it's some obnoxious automated thing.

No advice, I'm afraid, but just know you aren't alone.

I know I did wrong by this lady, I am very sorry by what I did.

I do think I tried to be her friend without knowing why. I sent letters and stuff without really thinking things through properly.

I really need help with this, I know I did wrong by this lady, I wish I could apologise to her as I really am sorry.

Please someone help, I cannot get past this.

I've been like this for 2 years, just seems I cannot get pas this.

okay, I am at a point where I cannot go through a day without this being stuck in my head. It is constant, all these thoughts going through my head. All these thoughts are bad, I know I did wrong by this lady.

I'm a person who really can't stand hurting people, I hate the fact that I caused this lady so much trouble. I feel I cannot get past this problem at the moment. I have tried getting help in the past, maybe I should try again I guess.

I am a type 2 diabetic as well, this whole situation is affecting my health as I don't eat properly. I know I am not looking after myself very well. I do feel that I am killing myself but not on purpose.

Help me please.