Don't particularly "get" male friends...

Post Reply New Topic

I don't know if its my autism, the way I was raised (my parents are lesbians who won't admit it, but they're very sexist/fearful of me being around men & bio-mom's probably relieved I'm asexual /demisexual) or a combo of both but I have a lot more issues understanding my male, rather than female friends. The main thing is I don't understand the typical social stuff from them (jokes & comments, etc.) I'll try to give a few examples (of both male & female but I'm naming them by letters A-I & I'll try to keep each as short as possible)... hopefully that's possible & if you read this whole thing have some cake!

A: This guy is a nice guy who literally calls himself an ***hole (b/c of his overall attitude) (at least he admits it) & is very understanding about my issues (never pushes me to far). He has a good chunk of the semester trying to "loosen me up" so I stop freaking when people touch me. He confuses me b/c on one hand he'll endure my weird attempts at conversation & was shocked that I'll listen to combichrist (I like almost all music except rap... not even music in my book) but he kept hugging me every day 'til for weeks 'til his finals were over & he left (but he always makes sure I realize what he's doing so I have the option of declining) & kept making comments 3-6+ times about how I have tiny boobs & an unusually large or nice ass for someone my size (if I had no butt I'd be an almost perfect stick). What's w/ the hugging & comments about my body when he's not into me?

B: This is the guy I actually do call a... (like A calls himself) b/c he keeps pushing my buttons on purpose (jokingly threatening to poke me & stuff when he knows I can't tell he's joking/other friends clear it up). One day he's ok, next pissing me off. All my other friends get when to knock it off, but B doesn't.

C: This is the guy who'd I'd say is my most understanding friend. He's been through some stuff in his past & his ex (E, I'll get to her later, is an aspie). I'll try to keep it short but w/ him its one of those we either have really good intellectual/philosophical conversations (more often if not w/ other "boob table" friends ) & he's very good at listening to me (& I listen to him), gives honest advice & tells me when I should cut a topic (good thing b/c I suck at that ). He's blunt but I don't mind it & am ok w/ dealing w/ his mood swings (he's almost certain he can't come back next semester... ) Why is it the most understanding ones always go away ?! (Good thing is we facebook each other . ) My polar opposite (& he got me into astrology). **

D: 2nd in line w/ being understanding. I don't see him nearly as often as I saw C (he was in one of my classes)/just at clubs & online mostly. But he's also a good w/ listening, always friendly & just a freakin' sweetheart. His advice is gentler but still to the point (psych major kicking into gear) & he's also not been dealt "the easiest deck of cards" (he had a major thing happen I won't get into...) From what I know he's alone... but still listens to other people (I try not to whine but I recognize a friend who does it A LOT & D never tells her to shut up... good w/ encouraging enough to keep you from going nuts. (One of few friends that stimulates my brain/prefer friends who do that). **

E: She's a bubbly aspie whose very attatched to C (I actually helped C understand why she clings to him & he actually thought what I said sounded right (Wow I have good advice/hypothesis! ). We get each other w/ the aspie/autie stuff are friends don't. Can't tell if she really likes me a lot or just tolerates me but we get along anyways.

F: Nice quieter girl/woman (we're all college kids) who likes to draw. No qualms w/ her.

G: Female friend who also has issues w/ her sexuality & buying pants... . We can have every intelligent conversations or compare weird quirks. She loves kanji (japanese/can't spell it). Turns out I'm a good median between her & C (they only click intellectually). Only thing we don't jive on is her obsession w/ asian boy bands & she can think of guys as pretty & I can't (only like personality/my definition of pretty/attractive is good hygiene).

H: He's the other aspie who hangs w/ my friends at anime club & at dinner when he's not working. We don't talk much & if he was not disgustingly perverse (I never want him to show me pics on his comp. AGAIN :eww: ) & only had intellectual conversations (shocked A&D/his roommates that he can have one & not be totally egotistical). Don't talk too much though.

I: He's just another sweety in my grade who hangs around my friends a lot.

General things I get is most of friends say I'm sweet, cute/adorable pretty often & get pissed when B goes too far (when I stiffen up/bolt away, they know its bad). Can't complain too much, they're all great (though B could cool it A LOT...) I mostly don't get B & A (in that order) I hang out w/ a few other people too, but the list would be ridiculous...

that was the whole freakin' thing... THE END...

CAKE TIME!

All in all, sounds a lot like people I knew at that age.

And you will for the next 80 years.
Oddly, the guys are all over there saying exactly the same about their female friends.

Come to think of it, wife and I say that about each other.

Which brings to mind, while it is intended as a relationship book for couples and may a be small percentage "pop psychology"-ish, look at a book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. It might offer some usable info.

Men and women are dramatically different creatures in some ways.
Starting around adolescence some those differences tend to become more wide-ranging and much deeper.

If not already, you will soon notice that while you gals and the guys are speaking the same language, it ain't the same language.

i dont get people who dont get people based on gender

I learned to read females to an extent b/c I have 2 moms & a younger sister. Only having 1 younger brother & a grandfather & uncles I don't see everyday, their are certain things I've noticed men tend to do/say when I've been around them or that my parents complain about which I don't get.

I tend to creat a uniquie file for each pesron, filling it based on obversations

I do the same thing mentally, but if I don't get a particular behavior, it doesn't work b/c I don't recognize it or how to react. Though if something a person does reminds me of someone else I knew in the past, I can make an association that helps me come up with a reaction (hopefully a good one) faster.