Holy crap my friend's suicidal

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My friend's really screwed up (as evidenced by the title of the topic...) and I honestly don't know what to do. She keeps cutting her legs with razor blades and saying how depressed she is. At first, I thought she was just doing this to get attention, because she would say that and then be all happy afterwards (turns out she's just bipolar...) and I mostly don't take things like that seriously anyhow (don't ask me why. I really should.) And I don't talk to her anymore because, frankly, I don't know what to say to her. I have another friend who's suicidal, and she jokes about it a lot (I know how to pick 'em, eh?) Most of my friends are druggies or suicidal or geeky or just plain crazy. I know what most people would say: dump the friends you have now and get new ones. Well, there's quite a few flaws in that plan. 1. Because they're so freaky (and most of them sought me out instead of the other way around), if one of them does commit suicide after I "dump them", I'll feel terrible. 2. I'm not good at making friends. Believe me, I've tried. Most of the time, they either get fed up with me or I stop talking to them altogether because I get paranoid and think I'm bothering them. It's a miracle I have the crazy friends I have now. 3. It makes me seem normal in comparison. I know that's really cruel, but it does. It sort of makes me feel better about my situation and not crazy when I start feeling depressed about something or other. 4. They call me a traitor. I've tried sitting at a different lunch table, and the people at my previous table started calling me a traitor when I switched tables. It made me feel guilty, so I started sitting there again, but I got fed up and now I just don't go to the cafeteria at all. I go to the library instead. And I already have way too many problems to deal with at the moment to even think about other peoples'. I'm reading the post on her MySpace and it says she needs someone to talk to, and, honestly, I don't think that person is me, but I think maybe she would like it to be me. But I have no idea what to say! I might make it worse, and then she really would commit suicide instead of just talking about it. And her committing suicide would be very bad, because she's Wiccan or something like that. She'll end up going to Hell or botching it and end up paralysed or in an institution (or both) and I really don't want that to happen, for obvious reasons. It's just really messed up and I have no idea what to do. If anyone has any experience in talking to suicidal friends and convincing them not to kill/cut themselves, that would be really helpful.

That is why you are here then, so have courage! and thanks for being open!



Ok! ...........



I have met people like that, so I can see your point of view.




HMmmmmm? I am going to pry a little into your mind! I can understand
the distancing, but what else has she done to you? I want to say she
may had a sexual relationship with you and that might explain this
reaction. I AM ASSUMING BY READING BETWEEN THE LINES!
SO FORGIVE ME FOR WRONG ASSUMPTIONS ON BOTH PARTIES!



Suicidal finding magnet you are! Don't feel bad my first girlfriends were mousy
and spineless(controlled by others and didn't fight back) thus that was for a time
what came my direction.



My earlier people I hung around during my Rocky Horror years 1981-1991
were in this same category. I really didn't choose my friends well at the ages
of 15-25, let alone 30.

Dumping friends is hard when there is little hanging out options. Is that your case?



Like I said earlier, and a addition, my mousy girlfriends at the time sought me.
But when you are rejected by most, any attention is good attention, be it bad
or good intent on their part. This is what crossed my mind between 15-25.



Truth! but it was their choice to do it!



Like I said earlier, any attention was good attention for me between 15-25
regardless of the persons intent. So I can identify with this.



That phase came later for me, ages 25-30 when I tried to give a damn
about others. I can definely see this happening to a aspie!



Hmmmmm? Describe these friends or are they the ones who are "winkers"
or ones who cut themselves for feeling something?????



We all need self-empowerment and a sense of superiority. That is a
natural human behaviour. Don't feel bad about it.



As you said very well, we all need a distraction from our own problems.



Ok! Hmmmmm? here comes the questions!

Are you a student?
How many enemies have your directly or indirectly made?



Don't let others dictate how you feel. As you get older you'll
find that friends will come and go and you are still stuck with yourself.

Don't leave yourself vacant for others. Make yourself more fullfilled in
what you do and a can take with you outside years.



Your here now and please elaborate your other problems since
most on the board probly share your feelings.

Hmmmmmm? Any other things addresss?



You have much to say here, but I find how you wrote it
confusing....Please elaborate?



Hmmmmm? Add some clarity here? If you chose to do so?




Thanks for being self-conscious and for adding detail. I hope to hear
more about this soon,
Sincerely,
Ghosthunter

Umm...I'm a girl. Yeah, the nick and the avatar cause some gender confusion. I'm a tomboy so...yeah. You were wrong about the sexual relations...because I'm straight lol. So...umm...*awkwardness*...try again maybe? From a different perspective?

I don't know what to say to her because I don't know if what I say would be helpful. Because she's bipolar, she gets angry very easily, and I usually miss the reason why because of my AS. I said she might want to talk to me because she said she wanted to talk to someone who really cared about her, and not a councelor or someone who's paid to listen to her who doesn't really care. I can't really talk to her, though, because she makes me nervous (possibly because of her unpredictable personality, and because she is very loud...) and I sort of had to jump through hoops for her to be my friend in the first place; she thought I was weird in 7th grade, but she talked to me in 8th grade, found out I had a sense of humour, and we've been friends after that. I feel like I can't talk to her about things that are important to me because I don't want her to totally abandon me.

I kinda feel like she has a degree of control over me; like she could drop me like a hat whenever she pleased and I have no say in it. I think I have that feeling over most relationships, and I developed that in elementary school when I didn't have many friends. I had to do whatever people wanted me to do in order for them to even look at me, and it got very annoying. I moved somewhere else, though, where people don't do that, and I'm a junior in high school, so people are more mature and accepting of differences. I hang out with the wrong crowd at school; the drug abusers, the slackers, the kids that pretty much don't give a damn about anything apart from sex, drugs, and rock and roll. It's pathetic, really, that someone as intelligent as I am would hang out with people like them. I realise that. Many people have questioned this, and I really don't know why I bother with them at all. They annoy me to no end. I don't have anything in common with them at all; I don't do drugs, I've never had sex, and I'm in honors classes (most of them are in special ed classes or go to technical school in order to slack off.) Some of them are mentally ill, and have been in institutions.
That's why I refer to them as crazy; because they would medically be considered crazy. I think most of them are crazy because they are on drugs, more than 3/4 are on marijuana specifically, and they are throwing away their brain cells and futures.
Some of them frequently attack me and bite me. Yes, you heard me right. I have been bitten by my friends on several occasions, and they seem to delight in this arcane action. I have also adopted some things that they do that I did not do prior to accepting their friendships; swearing, thoughts of suicide/self-mutilation, failing to do my homework, and other things. My mom has remarked that I have picked up an "attitude" from said people, and I would tend to agree with this statement.
As to how many enemies I have made avertedly or inavertedly, I do not know. I tend to push people away when they get too close to me, and I have done so with countless people. Some move away, some drift apart from me, and some I have gotten into arguments with in the past. I don't purposely go out and make enemies, though, if that is what you were referring to.

I must admit, I do let others dictate how I feel. That is partly because I can pick up on people's emotions and I am easily swayed by them. Another reason is because I feel like I should feel a given emotion, based on how most NTs would feel in a given situation, so I adopt this feeling in place of the one I would have felt without outside influence. Most of it probably stems from a need to feel accepted, which is something I was lacking in elementary school until freshman year of high school.
The problems I was referring to before are very numerous, but the main problem at this point in time is my dad's being in the hospital. He had surgery and there were complications, so he is being kept in the hospital. This tries on everyone in my family, and my grandmother often wanders around the house like a specter, relentlessly chanting, "What a terrible shame. Oh, what an awful shame." She does this out of a lack of energy to do anything constructive (she has cancer and she's on a new medication.) It drives me crazy.

I had a very important English project on The Catcher in the Rye that I was working on for awhile. Part of it was individual work and part of it was group work; we had to write a paper individually and we also had to make a binder compiling our sources, quotes, and other things that we would include in our individual papers. My group was not very cooperative, and, instead of arguing, which might have done us better, there was an oppressive tension between the four of us. I was unable to meet them at the library the day before the paper and binder were due (my mom and grandmother were both at the hospital and I had to baby-sit my little sister), and when I had failed to make an appearance after two hours, they called me. They yelled at me and said that it was all my fault that our project was going badly and that I had not done anything. I had done everything they told me to. I expressed this to them. I explained the situation, and two of the three understood. The team leader, however, continued to yell at me. A girl I hate took my place in readying the binder, which angered me, so I proceed to yell at her. I know it's not a good thing to do, and the leader reiterated that it was my fault that our project is not going well. I yelled at the lot of them and pretty much gave up. I was chastised for yelling by the other members of my group. The girl who took my place was being falsely modest in regard to the praise she received; they applauded her because she did not have to help. It made me sick. I hated everyone at that point, and when I came home (and before that), I was in a very violent mood and wanted to punch anyone in a five foot radius of myself.

I was also ill for an extended period of time, and when I came back to school, I had to make up the PSSAs, which was a little nerve-racking.
I also have to sell things for band in order to go on the band trip, and my mother was getting on my case about that. She said that I will most likely not attend the trip, and my band teacher really wants me to go. I don't really feel like I'm needed there, and I don't feel like putting forth the effort. I feel like my teacher just wants me to go. I don't want to let him down, though.

Then, of course, my friends' well being is an added pressure I don't really want to deal with.

I hope that was a little more descriptive. I tend to think that people can sort of see what's inside my head and I don't have to explain. Maybe it's an AS thing, I don't know. If you need any further clarification, please point out places where you require clarification.

~Update- There. I fixed it. I was thinking about putting in paragraphs before, actually, but forgot. No big deal.

Last edited by Jekyll on 02 Mar 2006, 10:55 am, edited 3 times in total.

Having been in your boat in the past, I thought I'd post my $0.02 to see if its any help.

Before I get to that, I will say that paragraphs are your friend. Use them! I didnt even finish your second post because it hurt my eyes to read.

But back to your situation, like I said, I've been there before. I know hard it is to make friends, and thus turn your back on one especially in their time of need. I had a good friend in college who was the same way - crazy, suicidal, and lost in a world of drugs, partying and sex. I had so much fun when I was with her, and we went thru a lot together that really made us close. Yet I remember her trying to kill herself at least 4 times, one of which I was there for, and ended up having to take her to the hospital.

Of course there was the additional factor of us having feelings for each other. Never anything official between us, however there were several times stuff happened, mostly while drunk.

In the end we went our separate ways. I still think about her often, wonder how she's doing, if things are looking up for her. But having her in my life was far too stressfull, I was constantly worrying about her. It affected my school, it affected my social life, it affected my ability to sleep.

So some words of encouragement... I have none. lol

You have to decide who you want in your life, and who you dont. I know thats a hard decision. But it sounds like her instability is affecting your life, and thus you need to think long and hard about this.

i don't know what to say... other than to just be there for her and let her know that she can talk to you...

i understand were you're coming from about bothering people... so i tend not to even try to make friends in real life. i find it easier to make "friends" online. b/c atleast that way it is easier to tell if you are bothering someone ie when they don't contact you or respond/reply back.

i know someone who is bipolar and when she's depressed she would rather be left alone.... whereas _I_ much rather have someone at my side when I'm feeling depressed. depending how depressed i am, a simple phone call tends to cheer me up a little.

i guess i too find it easier to be friends with people with "issues" - easier to relate.

i guess the best you could do is let her know you are there for her and care about her.

I'm really bad at talking to her about her issues, because she either refuses to talk seriously about it or she whines about every thing (or at least it sounds like whining to me). It's annoying. She acts like her life is so hard and everyone else's is crap. I'm sick of it. I have a difficult life, too, especially these past few weeks. I don't complain to people about it; I keep it to myself and overcome it. She just walks around saying, "Woe is me. My life sucks. Boo hoo hoo." Granted, she does have a lot of mental issues, and her mom is not supportive at all, but still. I just hate listening to her complain about it all the time. This really doesn't help with communication at all, and I really can't "be there for her", because I don't live by her anymore; I moved. I would talk to her on the phone, but I hate the phone and she talks on it for hours and hours. I can't just drop her like that, though. She would be devastated, and she would do something drastic, I know she would. Then she'd be in the mental hospital again, and probably for longer than a week this time. I don't know. I'm just not good at talking to people with mental issues that differ from my own, I suppose.

Just don't let her kill her self. Try to cheer her up. I'm in and out of being suicidal my self so when she get's that way tell her that there are many people who care about her and that love her. Tell her that you also care for her. Just comfort her that's all she wants. All she wants when she gets that way is well attention. Take care.