trouble interacting when someone is joyous/in grief

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Basically my girlfriend called today because her mom was taken into the hospital to be induced because she (my gf's mom) was pregnant, nearly 40 weeks too. Anyways she called to let me know that he (the baby) was born, and I am starting to think now that I might have seemed like I didn't care because I didn't really say anything...

I mean I'm glad that the baby is born and I can see why other people find them little bundles of joy, but I really was at a lost for words on what to say to someone who just had a baby...as far as I know it was a smooth pregancy.

Dealing with grief is a little easier for me because even if I'm not sad, I know you just say "I'm sorry" or "I'm sorry for your loss." But with a new baby I wasn't sure if I should say congratulations or what you know?

"Congratulations" is usually a pretty good catchall for situations in which something positive has happened, even those times when you're actual internal reaction is more like 'Yeah - and I should care because...?'

LOL yea I know not to say that, even if I don't really care...but it's not that I don't care, it's that i don't not care lol

Basically I'm pretty apathetic about most things, but I had just realized that my girlfriend might have thought that I like didn't care (as I know being an Aspie, NTs can sometimes think we're selfish/@$$holes, when really we just don't know how to interact with you)

So I said texted her congrats after we got off the phone, I just didn't know if other people had a similar situation if they just got a random phone call...because I had forgotten that my girlfriend was going to call me about that lol

So just remember to check in every once in a while and ask how baby and Mother are doing. She'll know you're interested and concerned, even if you're not jumping off the furniture and shouting Hallelujah.

Okiedokie.

She does know that I have Asperger's so when I don't do something she might realize that it's because of my Asperger's that I didn't do anything or whatever, not because I'm selfish.

Yeah. I get annoyed with myself for not being able to reciprocate emotions. If someone is upset and I am not or if I am upset and someone else is not.. wait.. what? Is that even possible?

LOL I've noticed that like subconsciously I might notice emotions but not know how to handle them? Like if I see my girlfriend crying, I might cry too but only because I'm sad that she is crying.

A weird one was that I had helped take my ex and her dog to the vet to be put down, long story but he had a tumor on his back, that one day when just exploded (it was pretty nasty). The weird part was that when they had put the shunt in the dogs leg and brought him back into the examination room to be put to sleep, I saw my ex was extremely upset and I too did start to cry even though my brain didn't think "oh how sad" it actually was reading the posters on the wall...

Having trouble responding to emotions you do not share is not an Asperger's thing, it's a perfectly normal and natural thing.

Grief tends to be easier... it's easy to relate to feeling sad about death or something.

But having babies? The thought of bringing a new life into the world may appeal to many people, but just as easily its terrifying, horrifying, or just plain "meh". Personally it makes me sick to my stomach.

Not knowing how to react is a normal everyday thing for even NTs. Stop thinking that since you have Asperger's every little inconvenience in your life is because of Aspergers and NTs just effortlessly glide through life doing everything social perfectly. It's ridiculous to expect a young man to get excited about giving birth. I'd be more concerned if you were.

All you have to do is say "congratulations". If your girlfriend complains about you are not excited, which I doubt will happen, then she's just being unreasonable.

I'm totally with you, OP. I have problems when interacting with someone who's feeling strong emotions. I will say "congratulations" or "that sucks" or similar, but I must seem quite standoffish and apathetic to people who don't know that it's just how I naturally am. I just don't have the empathy to feel what they feel, even though I usually understand the reasons for their emotions.

At least I'd probably be good in a crisis.

I'd be good in the aftermath of a crisis probably. During the actual crisis there'd probably be too much going on and I'd just be overwhelmed with it all.

Problem is, you have to decide if it's a positive occurrence for THAT person. Rather awkward to congratulate someone for their pregnancy, then find out that "everybody knows" they were getting ready to divorce. Now they will be staying together "for the baby" and feel their lives is ruined, and how could you POSSIBLY say congratulations when their tone of voice and facial expression made it "obvious" they were looking for sympathy?

Yes, I've done that.

I congratulate the person, and leave it, at that.

I'm like this, though I've been dealing more with the grief side lately.

My mother's mother (my grandmother, obviously) passed away over a year ago.
My mom's a very emotional person and will go on long-winded, tear-filled discussions of how she thinks about her every day, and all the unresolved issues from my mom's childhood, (blah, blah, blah, ad infinitum) and I never know what to say except "I'm sorry".

And...this will sound horrible, but

I never cried when she died. I mean... I loved her very much, but she was eighty-something. It wasn't a tragedy.

I dunno, I'm babbling. But I do have a hard time dealing with others' grief.