Been to an Autism meetup? How was it?

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Spectrumers Meetups!

After searching for an autism social club I can get to - I just stumbled on one. I'm thinking about it; because although I've been going really well socially in the time I've been away from WP, I'd like to go out more often still.

The problem is that while I haven't met many, my experiences so far with other autistic and Asperger people have not been great.
So I'm worried about going to an ASD specific meetup. Will there be even more chance of saying the wrong thing and looking stupid or offending someone? Will it be really awkward? Will I attract someone annoying that I can't get rid of? Will the guys be sexist, inappropriate or hassle me for dates even after I say no?

Maybe I'll just not go, stay in with my nice safe computer.

But tell me about how meetups went for you.

Did you get hit on or harassed? Did you have a nice time or an interesting experience you weren't expecting? Did you find being with other s made you feel more comfortable, or just more awkward? Could you relate well? Was it worth it and would you go again?

Please post about your experiences; the good, the bad, and everything else.

Hi. I'm trying to help host an aspie social meetup near where I live. I've spent a lot of time talking to the coordinator.

She places a high value on the women in the group. I haven't seen any problems.

We have two groups. One is a food cocktail-style group where people circulate and visit. The other is a sit in a circle discussion group. I attend the discussion group.

We are new, so each week we work through a new set of problems, or try something different. I sense that people enjoy socializing. For my September meetup, I'm hoping to have real food (no sugar) and I'm hoping to show "Mary and Max"...an aspie film I like.

I went to an autism spectrum group for teenagers. The first time I went, there were two cool Aspies who I quickly made friends with, but they never showed up again, so I stopped going. I didn't get on too well with anyone else there.

IME aspies don't usually get along with other aspies in person. Its hard enough doing that online. But one thing you can come out of the experience with is the ability to tolerate others and their odd behaviors.

We aspies do odd and annoying things. NT's will just look the other way for the most part. Aspies will fixate on them to the point where they are ready to explode. For example, some aspies stem, but I don't, and seeing other people do it irritates me.

I haven't been to any autistic gatherings, but I have been to other events where there were other members with aspergers. Dealing with them was always an unpleasant experience. So basically, if you can get along with another aspie, then you can get along with anyone.

Thanks for the responses people!

I was wondering about the AS-AS thing, if the similarity would help or hinder being friends... but what you say about aspies not getting along kind of makes sense.

I might give it a go one day, the activities sound pretty good. But I won't give my last name or where I live, so if anybody at all is disrespectful or starts trying to pressure me to go out with them I can just quit and they can't find me.

There's a lot of great spectrumers, but I've had bad experiences in real life and don't want to meet anybody like a few of the angry blokes I've seen on here. I'll go once to somewhere I can easily leave, and only stay if the people are nice and feel safe to hang around with.

That's my usual rule anyway. If it's not fun, I'll stick with the few NT friends I've managed to make.

I've met over 100 aspies, so I have experience here!

There are all sorts...if you meet enough aspies, I think there's bound to be one or two that you'll really click with, more than any NT (or most aspies). Especially if you share the same interests.

I would avoid angry aspies, or aspies who appear lovely but say they have a real temper and actually hate people. Believe them, because you're likely to have a massive fall out with them at some point. I say this because a lot of aspies can hide their true selves very well, but can only keep it up for so long. Most aspies I think just get tired after socialising, or avoid people on a bad day, but others (angry ones) can suddenly switch from being lovely to being an a***hole. You can usually spot these people if they complain a lot and feel quite strong about their views (not necessarily appearing angry). Avoid bitchy people anyway, just because...this is obvious to me but to most it isn't - if they're bitching so much about people...what are they saying to others about you?

My advice would be to meet lots of different aspies. It can be strange, because some seem more aware than others, and some more "aspie"... and others totally surprise you when you get to know them.

I think observe yourself before judging others. For example, some aspies can appear quite needy. I know I do, yet I hate it when others are needy with me, and can get a bit impatient because of it. As long as they accept a "no" for an answer and respect what you want, I think these aspies are worth getting to know. What I mean is...if they kept asking you out, or were pushy....avoid them. If they just come across as a little needy but accept a "no" as an answer to a date for example, then I don't think it's worth avoiding them for that. I think a lot of aspies can appear slightly too much at first sometimes, but a lot of the time it's just nerves.

I hope I've put that across clearly enough.

No and unfortunately I never would want to.

Basically like any other bunch of strangers you will meet..

Some you will get along with like a house on fire. At the end of the day we are all on a spectrum in differing parts of our social skills and intellectual capabilities so if you meet people who are roughly on your part of the spectrum you will find there like people you've met before in life who became good friends.

Some you may struggle to communicate with initially you learn from trial and error how to accomodate people who perhaps desire to communicate but are inhibited by life experiance, confidence and part of the AS condition that maybe yourself did better at through fortunate positive experiances or interventions. Be patient, give them a chance to speak. Usually you find people worth the time and extra effort.

Some you will meet and realise they have seriously got more problems then you have. Depending on your character you either tolerate and accept such people or you can't stand them and want to run a mile from them. Individual choice

Some you will meet and think they are the antichrist re-born. to put it politely

We are human were not all one big brotherhood who get along great.

I've been to some meetups and I think overall, they were a positive experience. I'd recommend them. However, I'm not a frequent attendee for a few reasons: Most of the people there are a lot older than me (I'm 25), and the "sit around a table and talk" format doesn't appeal to me that much. I'd much rather talk with people while we do some other activity. My best meetup with aspies was when I randomly walked around a city with 2 aspies in their 20's. Good number of people, no round-table thing, and we were at a similar point in life so I felt we could relate to each other a bit more.

My ears are burning! (NT metaphor there)

i've never been to one. Perhaps if i'm ever able to make it out of my house in the future, you can point me in the direction of some WA state groups

Yeah, I have. I have mixed feelings. The first time I went to this 18-30 meet up, I didn't want to go again. They seemed to have it more extreme than I did, and it was just awkward trying to make conversation. I went a few more times, and met some pretty decent guys, but they still seemed disconnected in a sense. Maybe I expected too much. It honestly made me wonder if I have autism, but after meeting aspies through school who are more like me, I probably do.

The one time I went to a meetup, it was all far older people -- twenties and possibly thirties and forties -- who were working, paying the bills, and living independently. I believe the whole focus was independent living -- it was a group for adults with Aspergers. I felt like I was far too young. I still have not returned.

I have the opposite problem-many of the groups are younger than me and I feel out of place sometimes and there are people of different functioning levels and in our case-age is but a number-I learn from those younger about what they go through and they learn from me that you can do many things and be sucessful and when they see someone on the spectrum that has some sort of success it shows that you can succeed-the facilitators at these groups like that it seems-I may have been around the sun more times than some other people in these groups but some of these younger people are probably mentally and emotionally older than me-or maybe not or maybe we are the same age mentally or emotionally-age doesnt matter-we can all learn something from each other. When I got to meetings I feel more at ease talking to others on the spectrum-I dont have to put on act to appear normal-all barriers are down and I feel comfortable speaking and you will find that I don't get offended and understand completely the honesty that people on the spectrum can express-it is very refreshing instead of the NT world trying to hide their true feelings and I try to answer any question you might have of me-I might get embarassed but I will answer truthfully if I can.

i am going to an inake meeting next tuesday (sooo nervous. one-on-one is my weak point) for an adult AS/HFA group that starts up again in september. it is geared toward over-25s especially. i am scared about the whole thing, so i appreciate reading what people have said here.

the group does social stuff every month in addition to a round table support group every week. i have never met otehr aspies IRL, and i am afraid it will be like any other social group - the popular ones, the outcasts, etc... but i am oversensitive - i even feel like that on WP, sometimes.