Finding common interests
I am actually pretty decent at approaching a person and talking to them, but after the first bit of introductory conversation, I don't really know what to say. I'm afraid that if I start talking about what I really like (physics, computers, philosophy, politics) that people will get turned off. I don't know how people would percieve me if I were to just talk about this deep deep stuff all the time. I've talked to many people about this kind of stuff, but I know that they can only handle so much deep thought, while I can think like that for hours and not stop.
People do like stories, though, and being in a fraternity gives me a few to tell. I think that I'm best suited to be a university professor so that I can do research and talk about all the subjects that really interest me. But that doesn't help me in social interaction. Oh well.
The problem with talking about physics and computers is that unless the other person is also interested/experienced in those topics, you can quickly get out of their depth, and then they do not understand what you are saying, or cannot reply in any meaningful manner. So then instead of a 2-way conversation, it becomes you delivering a lecture. Even if the other person finds it an interesting lecture, it is still not a conversation. You could try sticking to the very basics in those topics, then you might be able to have a conversation, but it might be boring for you. So I think for those 2 topics, you are probably limited to only discussing them with people who are specifically interested/experienced in them, for the most part.
Not so for your philosophy and politics interests. I am guessing that you would have more success conversing with these because they are probably easier for any person to understand and talk about. So, I am certainly not an expert in the art of conversations, but my suggestion is to try conversations about those 2 topics. They might actually be quite successful.
I'm not sure where you live, but in many areas you can join clubs for these sorts of things. Maybe not specifically physics, but computers definately. Plus with that field you'll find a lot of other people who may be into physics. Or rather than a club, there's always classes too. Even if its just say a night class for .Net or something, you're guarenteed to have a few geeks kicking around in that class.
But I definately feel your pain. My two passions are computers and karate, two things which dont mix normally. After training we go out for drinks and talk about karate - but I would never bring up computers unless someone else asked. Just the same I dont start talking about karate around my computer geek friends. Neither of the two care about the opposite.
The real struggle is when someone is not interested in either. For example, my girlfriend. I struggle to converse with her more than anyone - she could care less about how much ram my computers has, what colored belt I have, what level my rogue is or how many epics it has... When we first started dating I asked a lot of questions, where are you from, what are you into, what course are you taking and all those standard questions. Whereas now that I know her, its more of a how was your day, what are your plans this weekend, blah blah blah type discussion. Not exactly as stimulating as physics or philosophy but its still talking.
People do like stories, though, and being in a fraternity gives me a few to tell. I think that I'm best suited to be a university professor so that I can do research and talk about all the subjects that really interest me. But that doesn't help me in social interaction. Oh well.
What you've got is called an intense personality, and you can't really change it. The good thing you've realised is you shouldn't talk about this all the time.. because a lot of people on this site I've noticed do.
I have the same problems with introductory stuff, but I just say random crap off the top of the head an dstuff taht I really don't want the answer to like "how are you" "what are you upto", or something about work if I know them from work.
CockneyRebel
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Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 51
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I've been looking at people trying to learn how to start conversations and contribute in small talk. I'm still lost atm.
CockneyRebel
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Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 121,305
Location: In my own little country
People do like stories, though, and being in a fraternity gives me a few to tell. I think that I'm best suited to be a university professor so that I can do research and talk about all the subjects that really interest me. But that doesn't help me in social interaction. Oh well.
You can't expect all people to be as interested in the things you like as you are, that's just unrealistic. It's fine to have your own interests that you love, but you can't center your conversations on them. If you read the newspaper every day, and like movies and music, then you'll always have something to talk about, and it'll probably be something the other person knows about/is interested in.
That's very true. Even though someone may have a few common interests, they're not EXACTLY going to have the same interests as you. I have a couple of friends who enjoy videogaming and I enjoy talking to them.
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CockneyRebel
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 121,305
Location: In my own little country
It would be nice if I can find somebody, or a group of people that I share common interests with. I just find out what other people are interested in, and talk to them and ask them questions about their passions. There are many different people in my life, who have many different interests. I must be myself, but be all things to all people, at the same time. It's a part of The Human Condition.
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