idle chit-chat?

Post Reply New Topic

I sent somebody an email to find out if they were my friend or not. I have included part of the response:

"it's difficult maintaining a friendship when you never actually see people, and harder still if you don't have regular conversations. Incidentally, by conversations we mean the idle chit-chat that you don't seem able to share very easily, but which is actually right at the core of what we would define friendship to be. A friend is someone you like being around, and that normally shows itself in conversation. If all you do is ask questions, you're not really participating in conversation, you're just requesting information, which is pretty mindless and unimaginative most of the time. You have to understand that this will always be a barrier to you - if you can't make conversation then you will always have problems communicating with the vast majority of people, and thus you are likely to struggle to make or maintain friendships. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is!"

Does anybody know what idle chit-chat is? If so how do you do this?

Thanks,

Android

i consider idle chit chat to be a nuisance.

i figure someone is my friend if we can be comfortable during silences.

if someone isn't my friend, it is an awkward silence.

if someone is my friend, it is a comfortable silence.

I don't like that at all, but I accept handling it myself.

Idle chit chat is conversation about nothing that NTs LOVE. If you want to know how boring it is - I have discovered that besides such classic topics as the weather - gas prices and sales at local stores can also make the NTs swoon with excitement. On another message board there are some women who engage in such chit chat but I have declined several invitations to join them. Don't know if they think I am rude or not.

Idle chit/chat, also known as smalltalk, is trivial conversation that NTs use as filler while they exchange touchy/feely nonverbal messages.

These touchy/feely nonverbal messages, which said NTs are usually not consciously aware of, are what give them the illusion of personal connection, which provides them with comfort.

Does your friend know you have Asperger Syndrome?

When I worked at the bar, there were a few questions you'd hear all the time. ALL the time. It counts as chit chat, which I HATE, so I made/collected snappy answers for each one. Guaranteed conversations killers.

Warning. The last one is TASTELESS. BAD. And purely in jest.

Five Questions.
Q: What do you do for a living?
A: I cremate dead bodies.

Q: Where are you from?
A: My mom.
S: HAHA! Me too!
A: You aint from my mom...

Q: Whats your sign?
A: Octagon, as in STOP.

Q: Come here often?
A: I live here. They let me put my blanket down on the empty beer boxes. Its incredibly snuggly. If you spend the night with me, you'll see.

Q: How old are you?
A: How old do you want me to be? I can be a XX year old with big XXXX if you pay me enough.

Android, who is this person who sent you that cold message? Someone you met in a chat room, or wherever? Not an Aspie presumably.

Their message comes across as putting you down because you don't fit their idea of "normal", and I'm sure you don't need that.

From what I have read of the articles, the point of small-talk is to replace circling around each other snarling and brandisinhing things at one anothere before deciding that they actually do like each other.
I still think it's a waste of time and effort.