To get out and socialise even when you don't enjoy it?

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smudge
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12 Nov 2010, 6:27 pm

I don't hang out with most people just because it's a real effort to be aware of everything I say, because I have to suppress it. I tend to over-analyse things which appears as a rant to most people. Suppressing that and trying to summarise it all is tiring and annoying. I realise that people just don't think the way I do, and that they don't mean to appear disinterested if my real thoughts accidently come out, but I just feel that - people come and go all the time, I could have a social life if I wanted to, and I find people too boring and they find 'me' boring. It sounds snotty, but I'd rather either talk to more knowledgable and open-minded people or stay at home and watch the TV.

If I'm not enjoying the socialising, then what's the point? It's not like making friends automatically means they'll be there for you when you need them. I don't find the situation satisfying, but I don't know how to resolve it, except possibly to make lots of friends who are knowledgable...but they're rare.

Well, if there's anyone knowledgable around London/Essex then send me a PM. I mean, even if we don't share the same interests...not having to suppress what I say to someone is great thing.

If you can give me solutions to my first question, I'd appreciate it.



Amajanshi
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13 Nov 2010, 7:49 am

I'm in the same situation as you. I find most NTs hard to talk to, because my intention for communication is different from theirs. They talk to bond together emotionally and they laugh and joke and talk about stuff which I don't understand. I on the other hand prefer to have a conversation based on conveying and receiving information, more like a factual discussion. I don't blame you for not wanting to socialize with people when they're not talking in the style that suits you.



Sirius
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20 Nov 2010, 12:46 am

I don't have an answer but I want to say 'thank you' to the both of you first two posters because that is how I feel. I find NTs conversations to be too commonly based on bragging or adversarial in nature, where they tell a story about what some other person said and what they said and how they really showed them.

It's just not uplifting or educational and most of the time, I would rather read a book or newspaper than listen to pointless blah. Now there are a few exceptions to the rule but it is few and far between and I am usually exhausted in the end trying to find such conversations,.



Aimless
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20 Nov 2010, 6:48 am

Amajanshi wrote:
I'm in the same situation as you. I find most NTs hard to talk to, because my intention for communication is different from theirs. They talk to bond together emotionally and they laugh and joke and talk about stuff which I don't understand. I on the other hand prefer to have a conversation based on conveying and receiving information, more like a factual discussion. I don't blame you for not wanting to socialize with people when they're not talking in the style that suits you.


Very well put. I'm the same way. I can't stand talking about nothing. I can tolerate typical social interaction if I'm with a group of people who know I'm quiet and tend to zone out and don't press me about it. If I'm accepted into a small group and can both be with people and at the same time by myself I'm OK. I haven't had that in 20 years.



CaptainTrips222
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26 Nov 2010, 2:26 pm

Sirius wrote:
I don't have an answer but I want to say 'thank you' to the both of you first two posters because that is how I feel. I find NTs conversations to be too commonly based on bragging or adversarial in nature, where they tell a story about what some other person said and what they said and how they really showed them.

It's just not uplifting or educational and most of the time, I would rather read a book or newspaper than listen to pointless blah. Now there are a few exceptions to the rule but it is few and far between and I am usually exhausted in the end trying to find such conversations,.


I can relate.



GreatRelief
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27 Nov 2010, 4:59 pm

Amajanshi wrote:
They talk to bond together emotionally and they laugh and joke and talk about stuff which I don't understand. I on the other hand prefer to have a conversation based on conveying and receiving information, more like a factual discussion. I don't blame you for not wanting to socialize with people when they're not talking in the style that suits you.


I feel the same way. Even when I try diligently to be part of an NT conversation, I am often talked over or drowned out. Up until my AS diagnosis, I had the impression I both needed and desired to be able to socialize like the "normal people," and by not doing so, I was missing out. It didn't occur to me until quite recently that I actually don't enjoy such interaction, and that I'm not "missing out" by not partaking.