"Pfff, everyone has autism these days" friend said

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Hi everyone,

Lately I've been feeling quite hurt over the way one of my roommates is behaving towards me. He is very much the sensitive 'I'm a future writer so every single thing I feel or think about the world is critically important. Handle with care' kind of guy, and it's taking me quite some effort to not offend him (which is quite an easy thing to do).

Now, since I have AS and I have a high IQ, both autism and the people who have it and gifted people are very important to me, and he knows this. Whenever it comes up, and I've been avoiding it with a passion, he jokes about it, tells me 'everyone has it', 'everyone is gifted these days' and what not. He treats me like he's jealous that I 'have something' to cry over (which I don't) and be philosophical about (or whatever he's trying to do), and he doesn't really, since his life has been not much of a roller coaster ride, and he hates that.

This friendship is clearly over for me because I can never trust him again. I won't be insulted constantly by someone who takes himself as seriously as he does. But how do I cope with that? How would you cope with that? I certainly won't tell him, because that'll only give him the satisfaction he probably needs. I won't treat him like a friend anymore, rather like a roommate (like I do the others).

Thanks for any advice you'll give me, I really appreciate (and need) it.

Any possibility your friend is undiagnosed AS?

Well, he does mention that surprisingly often, but I'm not going to pretend I'm a diagnostic expert. He doesn't seem to know what it entails to be on the spectrum, he doesn't understand it when I talk about it. The amount of planning that a person might need, social inabilities, rigidness, etc. And he doesn't display ANY of those behaviors. If I could say anything he is the very opposite.

It sounds like he was pulling this one-upsmanship by using it as this source of one-after-another criticism of you, which shows lack of social skills on his part. Which does show jealousy on his part. I think you've read that pretty well.

It's just a very difficult situation, a friendship phasing out but you're still roommates with the individual. I guess treat him medium formally, and not let yourself get dragged into any type of intense conversations.

If he tries to make up with you and re-start, that is a difficult situation. Because he has kind of shown himself to be not that mature, and that is just where he's at.

I guess keep those conversations medium short. And use kind of benign, neutral statements that he can't really attack. This is all very unfortunate.

It would remain your decision whether you would be interested in re-starting the friendship.

You just made my opinion of aspiring writers drop...something I didn't realize was possible. Jealous of having something to cry over?!

Nothing against actual writers. But a lot of the aspiring ones are very young and ignorant and seem to have a natural instinct to avoid anything useful.

Are you sure he's not just confused? The aspiring writers I've known were easily confused. Perhaps he heard a tidbit about grade inflation and another about autism diagnoses rising...just enough information to be dangerous. If he's young, he may still be parroting views from his parents.

Just my completely uninformed take on the situation. I've always had roommates I either got along with great or pretty much ignored.

Thank you guys for the tips, this is very nice!

I did not know that was possible, but I can see how the writer thing kind of mingled in with this. It was of course not my attention to cause anything of the sort, Densaugeo. My roommate and I study literary history, so every single one of my fellow students Really Wants To Be A Writer (which is obviously not what university is for). It's usually because they want to write like the great writers they love, not because they actually have a lot to say (judging from all the Facebook poetry-forward mails I receive). My roommate is no different.

My roommate is always overanalyzing things to find out what it means because he wants to write it down and become famous. He doesn't necessarily write, he just wants to be what he thinks is a writer. It makes him VERY sensitive (because that's what writers are, right?). Sensitive towards anything and everything around him. I've tried VERY HARD to work around the sensitive part, because - and on WP I say it with a little pride - others' emotions are very irrelevant to me, bad OR good. I never tell him off (while he does so frequently) when he talks about autism so negatively, or envies people with 'photographic memory' (which might be another point of jealousy), or trips me off in any way because I don't want to make him feel bad.

But he has taken this WAY too far, I feel.

Densaugeo, maybe he's confused, that's a possibility. But should I be bothered by (or with) it? Has anyone ever had a friend talk like that?

You shouldn't have to worry about he will react. The guy is clearly just being a drama queen about everything. If the environment has become too uncomfortable to the point where you can no longer function than you should just move out.

That is sometimes easier said than done esp with crapola leases (yes, you can sometimes get someone to take over your lease, or sometimes a landlord will release you for a one month payment. But it does add another layer of complexity)

it sounds like he is a drama queen and is over analyzing everything you say or do because he probably has nothing else better to do with his time and/or he has nothing else better to say than to throw insults at you regardless of the context or content of the conversation you two are having. he seems like a very loss individual at this time and is struggling with himself in more ways than anyone can possibly understand. being in college does give a feeling of being an intellectual and maybe he is just so wrapped up in that he is reacting due to stress or something. or it could just be you two are complete opposites and are never going to agree on anything. my advice is to end the friendship and get away from him. he seems like a very toxic unhelpful person in your path in life.