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jamiethesilent
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21 Jan 2011, 3:46 am

What does this mean???
Our house is heated by two wood burners.

I was doing the drying up from lunch and mother asked me to put the fire on.
I said I was not cold. Mum then stormed of and said: "Oh, I forget it just your complete lack of empathy...."

Was she being sarcastic or something else????


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nostromo
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21 Jan 2011, 4:29 am

jamiethesilent wrote:
What does this mean???
Our house is heated by two wood burners.

I was doing the drying up from lunch and mother asked me to put the fire on.
I said I was not cold. Mum then stormed of and said: "Oh, I forget it just your complete lack of empathy...."

Was she being sarcastic or something else????

By asking you to put the fire on she was implying that she was cold - often people will automatically assume that you will have implicitly understood their reasons for asking you to do something even though she did not actually speak it.
And so with that in mind, when you say 'I am not cold', to her its like you are saying 'I know that you are cold, I don't care that you are cold, and don't wish to help you' which would be rude.
So she stormed off. But then she thought about it and realised it was a misunderstanding but perhaps her choice of words to acknowledge that was a bit clumsy. I'd need to hear her tone of voice to understand better, but it sounds a reasonably genuine exchange to me.

Wow when I put it like that it sounds complicated, but I'm sure thats it 8O



jamiethesilent
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21 Jan 2011, 9:36 am

Thank you for explaining.


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leejosepho
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21 Jan 2011, 9:47 am

jamiethesilent wrote:
... mother asked me to put the fire on.
I said I was not cold.

Your mother is certainly not required to explain herself to you, but that does not mean it is wrong for you to wonder why she wants something done. So the next time she asks you to do something, just say "Yes" and begin ... and then also ask her to help you understand why she wants that done.


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nostromo
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21 Jan 2011, 6:01 pm

leejosepho wrote:
jamiethesilent wrote:
... mother asked me to put the fire on.
I said I was not cold.

Your mother is certainly not required to explain herself to you, but that does not mean it is wrong for you to wonder why she wants something done. So the next time she asks you to do something, just say "Yes" and begin ... and then also ask her to help you understand why she wants that done.

Jamiethesilent might have thought that his Mum was asking him to put the fire on because she thought he might be cold? In which case his response makes sense in that context.
But in general I agree with you about kids doing what their parents say, sometimes my daughter asks me 'why?' when I ask her to do things and usually I will tell her the reason but sometimes I will just say 'because I asked you to' because she's a clever clogs and often comes up with counter-arguments if I explain why!



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21 Jan 2011, 7:15 pm

Sounds like she immediately matched your response with your AS. I don't know the manner in which she made that statement, but it seems to me that she should not jump to immediate conclusions.



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21 Jan 2011, 8:42 pm

Assuming she knows about your AS, I find it funny she get mad at you for your response. Shouldn't she know aspies take things literal so she needs to be more specific? Same as they also don't know what they are implying when they ask them to do stuff.

Next time I would just do as she says. I have always done stuff for my mother when she ask me to do it. I have always known they were telling me to do it than just asking if I can or not. I think it's just a way to tell someone to do something for you so you aren't sounding so bossy and demanding. But at least you didn't think she was asking you if you can turn it on for her or not and instead thought she was telling you to turn it on because you thought she thought you were cold.


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