when honest feedback goes bad
I have a family memeber who constantly puts everone else down when they talk. She is always talking about what people are doing wrong and how they should change and how they should do things differently and how they are stupid or bad or not thinking right. I find this negative speak really annoying as she always does it anytime I talk to her. Eg she'll always start saying, "have you heard about....... they are so stupid, why dont they do this........" after 30 minutes of her going on and on I get sick of sitting there listening and find an excuse to leave.
I finaly had enough today after trying everything I could think of to redirect the conversation and ended up saying calmly "I find it really hard to listen to you say so many negative things about the people and you say the same things over and over, can we please not talk about that stuff". You have spent 20 minutes telling me about all the things your sister is doing wrong and I am finding it really hard to keep listening". Now I have to tolerate her being quite negative towards me and got a typical blast of why I cant have normal converstations. They seem oblivious that everyone else I know is uncomfortable with them talking like that but I think I am the first to bring it up. as they are part of our family and come to most things their is no avoiding them. They seem keen to blam my AS for not wanting to listen to them critisise everyone. Frustrating
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I finaly had enough today after trying everything I could think of to redirect the conversation and ended up saying calmly "I find it really hard to listen to you say so many negative things about the people and you say the same things over and over, can we please not talk about that stuff". You have spent 20 minutes telling me about all the things your sister is doing wrong and I am finding it really hard to keep listening". Now I have to tolerate her being quite negative towards me and got a typical blast of why I cant have normal converstations. They seem oblivious that everyone else I know is uncomfortable with them talking like that but I think I am the first to bring it up. as they are part of our family and come to most things their is no avoiding them. They seem keen to blam my AS for not wanting to listen to them critisise everyone. Frustrating
I don't see how that went bad. One of my family members is usually complaining about something another one did, but everyone in my family does this. I occasionally wonder what they say about me but I'm having a hard time of thinking of anything they could say that would offend me because I think I've already heard the bulk of it growing up. According to them....
I'm stubborn (true)
Difficult (sometimes)
Impossible (sometimes)
Selfish (no, and I think they know it now)
Weird (yes)
But the important thing in my family is people usually acknowledge their own faults, and don't make a hobby out of putting others down.
As Opal said you're probably the first one to confront her about this RiverNight.
Is there any way you can avoid being around this family member? Constant bile splashing isn't really good to have to deal with. As honest and (it appears) gentle feedback has been harshly reacted to, there seems to be no way (that I can see) to avoid the bile splashing without avoiding her.
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I'm female but I have a boyfriend.
PM's welcome.
Here's a wild idea.
Try accusing her of being autistic!
We come in many flavours, and being judgemental, oblivious, overbearing, superior, with black and white thinking, is definitely on the spectrum!
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Be kinder than necessary for everyone is fighting some kind of battle
-Jaleb
You were a lot more diplomatic and polite than I would have been about it. Constantly negativity is something I cannot be around. I'm not a brimming optimist but an environment where only bad things are being said really drags me down. I think you did a great thing and were very polite and direct. Even though you've made yourself the new target, this is obviously how she deals with the world so there's not actually anything wrong with you. Others might feel bolder to speak up now, especially if they don't want to participate in bashing you just so she feels better about herself. Even if they don't, you did the right thing!
Haha...I got that recently.I confronted someone who has never been confronted and it somehow blew up in my face, and she argued of how she was just being honest.I said that wasnt honest, it was bossy and mean and there is a difference.
u had every right to say what u did.who the hell wants to listen to someone go on and on like that
