I don't understand why...

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In the past, whenever I asked NTs, "Why do you seem so upset?", none of them replied me politely. Nearly all of them screamed stuff like "No! I'm not upset!! !" I stopped asking such questions since I blamed myself for causing all these NTs to experience meltdowns.

A NT tried explaining to me that NTs only want others to acknowledge their positive emotions, but I still don't understand what she means. If you have any clue, feel free to explain why "Why do you seem so upset?" offends NTs so often. Thanks!

Something about not wanting to appear 'weak' to others. If you have even a moment of weakness, they believe that their friends, their associates, and everyone whom knows them will view them differently forever. Sort of like Josie's situation in Jodi Picoult's Nineteen Minutes. If you do anything that is unseemly, people remember you for that more than they remember you for doing them a kindness. Or at least, that seems to be what's popular among those kinds of folk these days.

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The NT said it correctly - NTs only want others to acknowledge their positive emotions - because negative emotions = weakness, and in NT society weakness is invariably a perjorative term. Now, in my Aspieness I would never equate being upset to being 'weak', and neither would I stigmatize any and all weakness. Isn't it just human to feel upset? What's wrong with not being strong?

NTs have this innate Japanese countenance (no offense to the Japanese); be strong, and be the same as everyone else. It's not even a sign of these hard-nosed egocentric times; my grandmother used to say to me "Chin up!" and "Never let anyone see you cry!"; sentiments echoed by family members, teachers and peers alike. I never understood why, even now I still can't get my head round it. I can understand the need to keep negative, often counterproductive emotions such rage or hostility in check, but to be upset? That to me is a whole different ball game. To NTs however, all such negative emotions are grouped together. You have to be unfalteringly strong and thick skinned, otherwise you won't belong to the group..(which paradoxically in itself is weak; not having the courage to simply be yourself and acknowledge your life as a human not a damn robot).

Yup, it's all about not appearing weak. There are few situations worse than crying in front of a bunch of people. It's humiliating.

I would ask that only if I were alone with the person. I would not ask if front of others because it might embarrass them.