fake friends

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I started a part time course in october and started hanging out with these people. Anyway I was invite out to a few things outside of uni and thought will maybe they hang out with people they met before uni so did n't really think anything of it. Recently decided to friend one of them on facebook as they came up in people you may know and my friend request was declined. I found out that they'd been inviting people from the class out and didn't want me on facebook because I'd find out about their trips. I tried to ignore them after that but they kept on asking me to hang out at uni because they didn't want to look bad. So I now make excuses that I have stuff to do. Only prob is as I am busy I can't hang out with other people so I disappear and hang out with my sis. I feel the situation was brought about by my poor communication and that they find me boring. I am still hanging out with my sis because they annoy me. But what should I do in the small breaks? Plus I can't ignore them all the time. I have about 2 months of uni to get through before we have our independent projects and don't have to be there.

Well I'm really sorry that's happened to you. I would say just keep focusing on your studies and spending time with your sister. I often have a difficult time too telling if someone is being rude to me or not. I don't have many friends and I do get lonely but I am very grateful for the small group if friends I do have. I have lots of miscommunication with them too though so I often find myself alone

Please forgive my spelling errors in my last post. I am on my phone and it tends to type out what it wants lol.

If you don't have any investment in congregating socially with these folks, you can always say that an "errand" (floss your teeth, play WoW for hours, study, part-time work, whatever) came up, or that it's a "stay at home day" for you (read a good book, read a trashy book, watch porn, whatever). There should be reasonable ways to deflect requests to hang out.

If they don't really want to anyway, I would think this will make it easy on them, and take you off the hook in an inoffensive manner. You don't have to ignore them to decline their requests politely.

Damn, sometimes I feel glad to be a loner when I keep reading these stories.

What's the point of meeting people that seriously don't like you in any way, it's even worse than not meeting anyone at all.

Being hated always causes more damage than being unknown.

I spent almost all of my junior and senior high years being a loner. It wasn't until a decade after graduating that I tried to expand my social group and try to fit in with others, mostly classmates as you described. I think most people are good at heart, but they are still likely to join in the mob riots. They are good in person and one-on-one, but vastly different when they start kowtowing to the social rules of their clique. I tried to have patience with them, but it ended up being a losing battle. It takes quite a lot of effort to keep up with them, and the benefits really aren't all that worth it.

I'm going to side with the idea that they may actually mean good by trying to invite you to things in person, but that's only short term gains. If you're lonely, it might be nice to have a night out with some classmates, but they probably aren't going to become best friends.

Unfortunately, I've started becoming jaded with the idea of hanging out with people just for short-term gains. I feel like I'm using them, and maybe that's just me over-thinking it, but that's how it feels now. I'm not sure where the line gets drawn there, so it's easier for me to just steer clear of that kind of social interaction altogether. I don't like it, though. I'd like to be able to have more casual friends here and there.

I avoid most human beings. As you've illustrated, they're quite odd. I feel more lonely with people like that than I do by myself. I dunno what I'd do in that situation, though. It's been a while since I was on a campus and dealing with similar issues, but I'd mostly just treat it formally, I think. Like work. I'd basically do what you outlined already... My social outings would be utilitarian (schoolwork related), and if asked to go to a purely social outing I didn't want to go to, I'd just come up with an excuse.

Something I figured out a while back - ok, it took me about 35 years and some coaching - is that one does not need to make any excuse for not accepting an invitation. It works very well to say in response to an undesired invite something like, (in a friendly tone), "Hey that sounds great! But I won't be able to make it. Thanks for asking anyway!"

I know that to us Aspies this can feel like lying. But NT people do it all the time. Think of it as a kind of verbal Akido to deflect the un-wanted with out being confrontational or rude.

I really don't know the situation. However, it sounds like they really are not interested in getting to know you on a serious personal level. They may want have you on a more casual friend to hang out with. As for the facebook thing, that wasn't very nice of them. You could have care less about the trips right? It sounds like you were more interested in wanting someone to associate with.

I am 30 and I attend university myself and I have made some connections but not really had any CLOSE friends. I am here to study and focus on my goals. Not to mention, those people who are clicky like that will probably have bad grades. You on the other hand...

They only invite me to hang out with them at uni, in lessons they arrange trips out and they will whisper if they arrange it when I am around so I cannot come with them.

When I ask them what they did during the weekend they don't really say much then when they don't think I am listening they will talk about their trips out with their class mates.

I am not sure if I more annoyed that they don't invite me out or more annoyed that they think I haven't noticed. I think the latter as I don't have much in common with them.

Also annoyed that I wasted my time on them as they seem set on make sure other people exclude me as well.

Those people are ass-hats. I'm sorry they've been so rude to you.