Physical contact question...

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I have a birthday celebration coming up and as happens at these events, hugging or handshakes tend to happen.

My Apsergers colleague/acquaintance is coming and I know that this kind of physical contact can be uncomfortable for some AS peeps.

Should I ask her beforehand if she has a preference (i.e - to hug or not to hug) or would that be too patronising? How would you feel if someone asked you?

I have Aspergers, and I am very friendly & huggy in situations like those, so I'm sorry, I can't help you there?! !

... But yes, I think it would be proper to ask her before the party! I've known even non-autistic people, who aren't big on hugging or other forms of physical greeting!... So I would

I think asking her ahead of time, what method of greeting would be okay with her is a good idea. I don't care for hugs, but will force myself to go through with it with certain people--some close relatives, also pecks on the cheeks with them. It upsets them too much if I don't, so it is less hassle to go through with it. For some reason, I don't see hand shakes the same way. It is much less personal to me, and is something done typically with someone one has just met, so it doesn't bother me, although I do have trouble sometimes in figuring out if something is a "hand shake" situation or not. However, some aspies may not care to shake hands.

I am all right engaging in physical contact with animals, though, unless it involves something like biting or clawing. I have rarely been bitten by either dogs or cats, but cats often like to claw even when playing, which is a problem for me, as I don't like being shredded. I do like cats, though, in spite of this, but I am more of a dog person.

I would just ask something like- is it okay if I hug you? I would rather not (well depends on how well I know you),and would appreciate the concern

best to ask beforehand.

I enjoy hugs though so I tend to give those pretty readily with those I find decent people. Handshakes are almost always preferred though.

I absolutely hate hugs, especially if they surprise me. On the other hand, there are scant few people (5 right now) from whom I absolutely love hugs. They all know, however, to warn me first. Concerning those five people, they are the small group of people I consider my true friends -- the ones inside my "bubble." Hugging them seems natural, and it seems to communicate mutual affection (genuine affection, not the superficial garbage the NT world seems to thrive on).

I think asking your friend would be entirely appropriate. It shows that you understand she is different, but respect her feelings and desires.