The jump from "good acquaintance" to "close f

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I have been thinking that the main factor which distinguishes "good" acquaintances from actual friends is the act of socializing (in person) with them outside of the circumstances in which you met. Unfortunately this is also the act which scares me the most and prevents me from making any friends.

I find that I can "click" fairly well with roughly 10-20% of people I meet, but the part I stumble on is initiating contact outside of the circumstance (eg. class, a club).

Some of my concerns:
-Not knowing at what point in acquaintanceship it's "okay" to ask someone to "hang out"- how close do you have to be to the person/just how much social interaction between the two of you has to entail before it is appropriate?
-The possibility that they'll realize or suspect that I'm interested in getting to know them precisely BECAUSE I have no one else to hang out with (which is precisely the truth)
-I have another fear directly related to this, that is completely illogical: I am afraid of letting people know I am interested in them PLATONICALLY, and I guess this is similar to how some are afraid of showing romantic interest. Fore someone I feel like it will make me look like a loser if I act too platonically interested in someone.

I guess my fears probably date back to high school- at the time I was a social outcast, and I never got invited to do anything social with anybody (At least for the first 2-3 years), so I guess I see the act of inviting someone as a HUGE deal.

Okay I don't really know what my intentions are with this post, but I'm wondering if anyone else has or had any similar fears. Encouragement would be nice as well, although I highly doubt any forum post could even come close to curing my fears.

When you figure it out, let me know - because I'm in a similar boat. I think lately I'm too aware that people can say things they don't mean, and imply things that aren't really true, just to be "nice" or even just because they feel like it that moment. So even when someone says they are my "friend" I'm left wondering what that exactly means now. In the end, the only way I can actually tell if someone is a friend or not is when a year or more has passed and we're still doing things together. Other than that, I'm clueless.

I'm being facetious, but deliberately fall flat on your ass/face. friend will help while acquaintance will laugh ass off and take pics on cameraphone...

or is that the other way around? I've confused myself now

no, REALLY DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.

I actually made a very similar thread recently that had a lot of good advice in it (it's in this sub-forum). This is also one thing I've never been able to master socially...I've been able to improve exponentially in many other ways but I still struggle quite a lot with this aspect.

It seems to me that if you have a group of people you can invite to do something with, it is almost always socially acceptable to do so. However, if you, like me, lack that initial "group of friends", then it becomes more difficult to figure out how to go about things.

Hm I wish I could have articulated this problem as nicely as you have
I find the same thing to be true. I know I could ask someone who I'm friends with in class if they want to do something outside of class, but at the same time I'm stopped by several factors:
-I haven't found many people I want to be close friends with so it seems pointless
-I'm too shy to ask if they want to go do something
-They might think I'm asking them on a date
...and basically all the other concerns on your list I'm glad I'm not the only one concerned about showing platonic interest.
I've been unable so far to make any natural progression from acquaintance to friend. I am not sure if there is necessarily a line drawn or if I'm in a muddled area in between.

Intuition would tell you. If you both feel (and I mean FEEL) comfortable with one another, just toss out the invite. If they are interested, they will find the time. Don't pressure them, though.

One way you can help your chances is to give a concrete reason for the visit that is related to a conversation you are having. Don't say "Wow. That is so interesting. Do you wanna hang out?" Instead, say "Speaking of Star Trek, wanna come over and see this one collector box set I have that... etc".



Yeah, don't make that obvious.

Truth be told, you will actually get better about that after some rejections. Some people just flat out are not interested. That doesn't have to reflect badly on you, but it can give you time to reflect on how you make your approach.



There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It is entirely your right to decide if you do not want to go too far in a relationship. If someone does not like that, just remember they do not run your life.