Types of Bad Friends.

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Recently I've found myself in a situation where I've had to end several friendships with several different types of people for a variety of reasons and during this time I've reflected on my friendship choices and did a bit of reading as to what a bad friend really is and my expectations of a friend are now more defined but still reasonable.

Here are the types of bad friends we all want to avoid!

1: The Cheater. These are the sort who will flirt with your partner or husband, they are the dreaded "best friend" who may have an affair with your significant other. They are sweet talkers and are generally not down to earth.

2: The Competitor. This speaks for itself, competition and rivalry is quiet healthy in relationships and friendships but when this friend is always competing against your for whatever reason it starts to feel like you're in always in a competition and who really wants that??

3: The Leech. This also speaks for itself, this person is a absolute bludging sponge who borrow money of you and everyone else and rarely if ever does the same in return. In short if you have a friend like this, they are probably using you in someway.

4: The Copycat. This person copies everything you do probably right down to wearing the same type of undies (panties) you wear, while some copying is a sign of admiration and flattery excessive copying can really come across as creepy and scary.

5: The Shrink. This is the sort who not only picks fault with your relationships, jobs etc this is also the sort of person who tries to "rescue and save" people and tries to change people supposedly for their own good. These people are also too eager to give advice even when it's not wanted.

6: The Selfish Friend. This should speak for itself really, this person only gets involved in your life if they can benefit but they're not too generous with their time or even effort when it comes to the friendship and they also rarely put their hand up to help you when it's needed but expect you to put your hand up when they need help.

7: The Wild Child. The usually lovable wild child actually isn't so good for you to have around, they break the rules excessively whether it be drinking, smoking, gambling, drug use or misbehaviour in general these people who we perceive to be fun, games and good times can really get you into all kinds of trouble including legal. If you want to stay on the straight and narrow don't associate with these sorts...I've known a few of these in my time and as funny, spontaneous and cool as they come across I was aware of the unnecessary trouble I could get into and how I could be judged by the company I kept and now I avoid these sorts like the plague.

8: The Whiner. This person b*tches, whinges and complains about everything in life, they never seem to be happy and always put a damper on everything...personally instead of feeling sorry for them like I used I now steer clear of them.

9: The Drama Queen. This person cannot go through a day without drama, everything is a drama and these sorts often badmouth others and over dramatize everything, they're attention seekers, they even start sh*t just to wind someone up so they have a drama....who needs that?!

10: The Mood Killer. This person is always so negative about everything and their negativity often kills the mood so to speak...depressing hey?

11: The Swinger. No not the sexual kind lol, this person is probably a little nuts to start with and they tend to have mood swings at the drop of a hat over trivial garbage usually. In saying that there are some people who have legitmate mood disorders and while empathy, sympathy and support go a long way you also have to look after yourself and set your boundaries with these people if you're going to stay friends with them otherwise steer clear of them...I recently got rid of one of these sorts and it's the best thing I ever did.

12: The Paranoid Friend. It's ok to worry about what people think and it's certainly ok to worry about your privacy but when it gets excessive to the point where they're accusing people of things often without grounds or control everything and everyone around them then it becomes annoying, depressing and you feel stifled...I had an online friend like this and everytime she wrote to me I always felt like I was in trouble for something and furthermore they adjusted their Facebook settings so I couldn't comment on their posts but could still post on their wall, anyway I realised this person wasn't a great friend as I always felt inferior so I deleted them.

13: The Friend You've Outgrown. Ok most of us have childhood friends that stick around right throughout your life but as we go through the passage of life and things change, someone gets married, someone has a baby, someone moves overseas, someone becomes a hippy or whatever and these changes are bound to change the dynamics of the friendship and in most cases that friend can still fit in with who you are and how you live your life however when your contact with them lessens or drops off and you realise that you no longer have anything in common with this friend because you're both become such different people you might need to reassess that friendship and work out if this is something that can be fixed or whether you need to cut them loose and move on. The thing about these sorts of friends while they're good to sit around and be nostalgic with they also tend to hold you back from growing as a person, this may or may not be intentional but it is a sign that you've outgrown this person and need new friends.

14: The Unreliable Friend. People change plans from time to time and that’s ok because circumstances call for it but when a friend continually breaks arrangements, doesn't show up or continually makes excuses for their behaviour then they are being unreliable....I've actually dealt with two people who are like this, both of them have animals which I am qualified to provide a service for so they contact me from time to time to arrange pet minding services only to cancel every single time, while I realise that this particular line of work is unstable dealing with potential clients including those who consider to be friends continually making arrangements and cancelling with some pathetic excuse every time is not only annoying but it also makes you less inclined to take them seriously in the future....I have decided to no longer provide these services for those two people, one I am not friends with anymore and the other wouldn't know whether she's Arthur or Martha half the time but overall they are unreliable in most aspects of their lives.

15: The Gossip. These people love to talk about others and quiet often it’s in a nasty way. If you find that your friend never has anything nice to say about another person or tells you everyone else’s business chances are they’re doing the same behind your back...be careful!

16: The Big Mouth. This person doesn’t know the meaning of the word discretion period!! Tell your secrets to this person expect the whole town to find out, the only way to avoid this problems is to be very wary of what you tell this type of person.

Just remember that all of these people also have good points and what you might need to do is weigh up the pros and cons of keeping or letting go of certain friends.

Oh the irony lol I'm an Aspie/ADDer whose supposed to know the least about this sort of stuff yet I'm writing on it...lol

S

The paranoid one... what your friend did is similar to what I did too. I made things more private because I was being bullied. People laughed at me when I didn't have facebook. People probably still laugh at me because I do have facebook, but it's not like theirs. I personally will vouch for anyone who's been bullied on facebook-- it's not fun, but it's rather humiliating. Not worth it to keep things public.

Have been guilty of being the Paranoid one and Shrink in my younger years, was a confusing time for me, adolescence.
Don't really have friends like any of the above now over time you sort of weed out the bad friends and are left with the good. Likewise, they do the same with you.

I think it should be noted that these categories are not mutually exclusive. I once had the misfortune to be involved with a paranoid, whiny drama queen (king?) with mood swings...whom, luckily, I eventually outgrew.

You're absolutely right a person can fit into more than one of these catergories and I have known such people.

I've been guilty of falling into some of these categories too but I've also had enough insight to know that these behaviours are not that of a friend and to stop doing them, I also now have a better ability to recognise this in other people and act on it.

S

I think it should be noted that these categories are not mutually exclusive. I once had the misfortune to be involved with a paranoid, whiny drama queen (king?) with mood swings...whom, luckily, I eventually outgrew.

It's really a cycle of life and as my mother told me many times when I was younger as we get older our taste in friends and partners change, so the friends we had in high school or in our 20's are most likely not going to be the same as the ones we have when we're in our 30's and 40's unless some of these people grow at the same pace as you do and yes you're quiet right in saying that over time we do sort out the good from the bad in terms of friends and they do the same with us too.

S

Have been guilty of being the Paranoid one and Shrink in my younger years, was a confusing time for me, adolescence.
Don't really have friends like any of the above now over time you sort of weed out the bad friends and are left with the good. Likewise, they do the same with you.

Being worried about your privacy because you've been bullied is slightly different to being a neurotic paranoid idiot who is nothing but a pain in the arse to other people.

I too was bullied relentlessly at high school and just recently I've stopped using Facebook because I don't want to be found by most of the people who participated in making my life a living nightmare at school. Not only that I was abused by a former college friend (for no reason mind you) for simply expressing my views on social boundaries which was written as if it was a note to myself but she managed to delude herself that I was having a go at her and being political for s**t sake when there was nothing political or personal about that status and the others who responded to it didn't seem to think so either.

S

Aspergers itself shouldn't determine whether or not someone has outgrown us and if it does then the person you were friends with probably wasn't even worth your time and effort in the first place.

When out grow one another it's usually due to changes of circumstances in each persons life, for example I had a "best friend" in primary school whose gone on to get married, have 2 kids and I haven't done those things so the dynamics of the friendship changes and now we barely have any contact because of the change of circumstances and the fact we've outgrown one another.

S

Crazygirl79 wrote:

It's really a cycle of life and as my mother told me many times when I was younger as we get older our taste in friends and partners change, so the friends we had in high school or in our 20's are most likely not going to be the same as the ones we have when we're in our 30's and 40's unless some of these people grow at the same pace as you do and yes you're quiet right in saying that over time we do sort out the good from the bad in terms of friends and they do the same with us too.

S

JanuaryMan wrote:

Have been guilty of being the Paranoid one and Shrink in my younger years, was a confusing time for me, adolescence.
Don't really have friends like any of the above now over time you sort of weed out the bad friends and are left with the good. Likewise, they do the same with you.

Yeah, and that would explain the friends we've outgrown do you ever feel aspergers has made friends feel they have outgrown us? Sometimes, I do. So I hope to change that somehow.

Yeah I was sort of hinting towards that. They have gone on to have these things in their lives and I haven't so it's like they hang out with each other but with me not so much now. Still good friends though, and occasionally see each other.

Well I have friends like that too and if they're still good friends then keep them around, circumstances shouldn't end a good friendship and the only time it would is if you no longer have anything in common with that person and if/when that happens it's probably time to let go and move on.

S

So what are good friends? because that kind of there just covered every type of personality but in a negative light.

You forgot the Fair Weather Friend.

These types of people have other wonderful personality traits and attributes but when you get someone who has one of the traits/behaviours mentioned in my first post which happen to overpower and outweigh the good thats what I mean by a bad friend.

Heres an example, I had an online friend (a person with ADHD) who was rather protective of her privacy which I understand and respect but one day I did something on Facebook that most people wouldn't worry about and I got a private message from her telling me the ins and outs of how she likes to keep everything private which again I understood and respected however I also felt like I was being controlled and that every time she wrote to me I felt as if I was in trouble for something all the time and later down the track she must have set her Facebook profile to ensure that I did not comment on any posts or like any photos but I could still post on her wall, for the most part she ignored anyway so after a while I decided that I didn't need someone like that around whether it's online or in real life.

When someones paranoia starts to impact and interfere with your own life thats when you have to weigh up the pros and cons of that particular friendship, personally I don't think anyone should have to tolerate that kind of thing in extremes and while it's ok to accommodate people it's not ok to change who you are to suit that person to that degree, it's excessive on their part, they have the problem and they responsible for their behaviour and the impact of that behaviour and these things can be very stressful, who wants stress from high maintenance friends??

Another example is I had a friend from college who I did my animal care course with and she has Bipolar and she fits into the swinger and unreliable friend catergories, quiet often on Facebook she would suggest that I visit her but never came through, she would also write to me to make arrangements for me to do pet minding and that never came through, I was understanding of that as I am aware of the nature of Bipolar despite the fact I was slightly annoyed, anyway more recently she became abusive towards me during one of her episodes and I let it go for a day or two before taking her off my friends list and I recieved several private messages telling me that my comments were personal, political and thoughtless and she also accused me of having a go at her and looking down on other people mind you this was all because she misread a status update that was about redefining social boundaries which was not personal, not political, not thoughtless and I wasn't having a go at anyone. She went on about being sick of following the post and I said to her if she didn't like what I was writing then don't follow the post or comment on it and that I live in a democratic country where freedom of speech is allowed. She couldn't respond to that really but did apologise which I accepted but I decided not to continue that friendship because enough was enough. Her behaviour was having a negative impact on my life and I had to do something about it.

Marshall: I see that you've mentioned the fair weathered friend, they fall into a lot of these other catergories that I mentioned about but yes those sorts aren't the greatest to keep either.

S

I have had many such types of so called friends..........and its only after the damage is done we realise what they actually are

The Big Mouth- my sister in law she goes around telling all my private and personal things to the whole world out there

The Gossip- My aunt she is heavily into it and i know for sure she gossips about me when i am not around

The Unreliable Friend.- she was fun we we worked together but then she became unreliable and would not keep promises

The Friend You've Outgrown- my college friend i have outgrown her we have become too different now to share the same boat

The Swinger,The Whiner,The Drama Queen- defines my mom in every aspect

The Selfish Friend- reminds me of my building friend who always borrowed things from me even money and finally disappeared after taking a huge collection of my personal books

The Competitor- some of my son's classmate whom i call up to ask about notes are like this its a headache but quite a lot of them are like this

The Shrink- this describes my personality well.

well if we judge people when will we love them..........because most of the people are like this we hardly have good people left to interact with.

Wow I really want to read ur blog.now that was an excellent piece! I am. Sorta the shrink but not entirely I like to think of myself as the sage I love giving advice and people come to me for it but I know how to respect others lives and not solve everything I see as a problem because to them it Amy not be a problem PLUS people also need to learn some lessons on their own by failing first...