are they right or not?

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i have not had a job for ages and been living with my parents (not making hardly any effort too get a job).

my uncle has accused me "taking advantage of my parents".

do you think maybe my bro and my uncle have got it wrong in thinking that i am taking advantage of my parents or not? i am just enjoying a long break of leasure time but some of my relatives think i am merely playing my parents for a fool. Personally........ well i am not really sure if i have taking advantage of my folks or not but since they can afford too suppourt me not working i just feel that i can get away with not having a job for the time being. that and i found the work at my old college hard and demanding so thats why at the moment i am just enoying time off.

Well yeah..... I guess. It's hard to argue that phrase doesn't technically describe making use of available hospitality.


But really is there some kind of actual problem going on? That's the real question.


I guess I'd be careful about dragging it on to long. Or if you're staying long try to have a long term goal. In my case I'm also staying with my parents, but it's to save money while going to college.

I do think initially just having a break to get one's self together is okay, but eventually a plan should come together to move out.

Unless your folks are quite wealthy and really have plenty of money.

It's up to your parents for that, if they allow it, then brother and uncle should just STFU.

People can get nosy these days, yikes!

my parents are quite wealthy and do earn money so i do know that since they can suppourt me i don't have too work for the time being. And yes that is a lazy attitude too have but i am not sure if that means i am taking advantage of my parents per say??????

why though might my uncle take offense too that kind of attitude? morals perhaps?

Maybe have a serious talk with your parents? If they are NT, they might not be saying what they really feel, and it would be useful to find out. If they are happy to be supporting you right now, then just stand your ground with your relatives, if they are upset and no one else is, then it it's their problem.

I think some things like this are wrapped up in the term "Work Ethic" which I think is kind of absurd. It sort of combines morality with hard work and discipline.

That somehow not being a hard worker and self reliant is immoral being a lazy slacker.

It's not that simple. If an individual is truly an unnecessary burden and financial strain on others, then yeah they should pick themselves up and contribute.

If you're living with wealthy parents and everyone is enjoying eachother's company it's not quite as big a deal.

I will say the only problem is with getting to comfortable with the situation where you enjoy being a dependent to much. It is worth reflecting on what you want to do with your life. In the mean time having a place to stay while collecting your thoughts can be a positive thing. Otherwise just be able to stay active mentally or physically and don't lounge to much.

Well, I don't really have a problem with the concept of the work ethic, provided it doesn't cause abuse of those who have trouble working as a result of some condition or situation. Everyone should try to be productive to the degree they are capable of being. Sometimes, of course, people have problems and this impairs their ability to be productive - depression or OCD or even AS sometimes. They should try but it should be recognized they have difficulty. But I think dumping the work ethic is tossing the baby out with the bathwater. I'm not comfortable with the idea that it's ok to be nonproductive when you're capable of being productive.

The issue of not being a burden on others is something separate, to me, from the work ethic itself.



The work ethic isn't about money, it's about being productive. If money isn't a concern that's great - people can work at things that are valuable and good but don't provide much money. Volunteer work, art, literature, whatever. They should still try to be productive, if they can. I think today's world probably requires a rethink on some attitudes as to what constitutes art and literature and such things - they could, for example, produce satirical comics to be published on the internet, or game mods, or something like that. But they should be productive and create things that cause a benefit or enjoyment for other people. And, naturally, they should not expect to be supported to do this - if their parents are simply wealthy but not superwealthy, then the parents can't support them forever and then when they need to support themselves, they won't be able to, because they never developed the skills to do so. If someone is being told something along these lines, they should probably listen and not demand support for a dependant lifestyle.

Further there is the issue of dependancy, which I don't consider to really be a work ethic issue per se. For me the work ethic is to be productive, not necessarily to be making money. Dependancy is another issue, it often ruins relationships with people, entraps people, and degrades their ability to be productive; it might seem appealing and comfortable but in the long run it is a prison that harms you and the people around you. People should try to be independant for their own good, if that's something they are capable of doing. If they're not then the situation is less than ideal but it just has to be accepted and managed as best it can be managed i.e. they need to be supported. But if independance is something they might be able to attain eventually, it should be a goal of the support.

I don't know. I find the term and idea of Work Ethic kind of odd but I feel like I'm starting to bring my own tangent idea in here.

But I suppose a person could have simply gotten lucky. They hit a slot machine jackpot or they bought low on Microsoft Stock or they have comfortably wealthy parents. They don't need to work.

Granted it would benefit them to think about working and not get to comfortable and complacent for their own good in the long run. Certain kinds of easy comfort can become a trap. But taking some time to relax within reason doesn't seem like a big deal.

So relating this to the OP a few things might apply to the Uncle and Brother regarding their concern. Maybe they're more worried about James being permanently a dependent and could have problems later in life because of it. I suppose I can buy that.

Otherwise they see this as a lack of "Work Ethic" and a character flaw. I think that almost comes from a twisted kind of resentment. They're working so they think you should be working to.

I think it depends, do you really appreciate it? Because it is certainly not something you can just take for granted even if you parents are wealthy enough. I still sometimes depend on my parents financially, however not because I don't want to work but because I have trouble getting my degree and I am only working part time jobs I'm never able to keep for long. And I really don't like it at all, that I still have to ask for their help sometimes.
Anyway I think if you show them you are grateful for their support and you help out at home, if they need something ect it is ok. However you should probably really have a talk with them about it. If they don't like the situation it is most likely not because they feel you are taking advantage bit more because they are worried if you just declare that you are not working for an infinite amount of time. Parents are like that. Tell them when you are going to look for work again or what you want to do, involve them in your plans.

Yeah, whether or not you are taking advantage of your parents is between you and your parents. If you are unsure, it's best to talk with them about it