"If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at

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So...I'm just learning, at almost 30 years old, that I have Aspergers. Not really sure just what that means yet...but I have noticed that I went from being super shy and socially awkward as a kid...to just being mean in social settings...

It has worked well for me...I just went over-the-top with my natural "anti-social," tendencies. I acted like an elitist dick, and people ate it up. I made friends...I became "popular." That said...in closer personal relationships...it obviously causes nothing but trouble. I've been divorced twice...and am engaged again, to a woman who makes me happier than I've ever been...and who happens to also have Asperger's. She's a lot more reserved than I am, and is generally horrified by my social interactions...and I can't blame her. I can't really claim "this is just me," or anything, since it's really just an act I learned to put on.

My question is this: for anyone out there who has learned to socialize in a more healthy way, especially if you have more natural anti-social tendencies...how exactly have you learned to function around others in a more positive way?

Listen, more than you talk.

I'd say do what works. If it works for you to behave like a jerk, then good for you. I'm always kind and considerate, and despised.

when i was a child, i always responded to peoples inquiries with what i found fault with.
i am not sure why i did it. i think it was because i thought people were asking me for an honest critique of what they asked me to comment on.

i received many hostile reactions to my comments, and by the time i was about 30, i had learned to censor my communication adequately, however i still can not show enthusiasm for what i find to be uninspiring.
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childhood example:

person: what do you think of the color of our new car? (red)
me: i don't like it.
person: why?
me: because i just don't.
person: but why?
me: because i just simply don't like it and that's the end of the story.
person: you must have a reason for not liking it!!
me: i don't like red.
person: why not?
me: because i don't like it.
person: why don't you like "red"?!?
me: because i don't like it!

that was an example of where i told the truth but could not explain in mumbo jumbo terms why i did not like it.
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early adult example:

(with my mother and father at their friends house after the dinner they served).

host: how did you like the chicken ?
me: it would have been better if the breadcrumb coating was crunchy. i think the temperature of the oil you cooked it in was too low.
host: oh. OK then.
mum: (whispering to me) don't say things like that!! the chicken was very nice. apologize to her now!
me: sorry. mum told me that the chicken was good so i guess she knows better than me.
host: oh don't worry about it.
me: well mum reckons i said the wrong thing.
host: no problems.
mum (whispering to me): don't say anything else for goodness sake.

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example of how i am now:

person: listen to my new sound system. (plays song that i do not like and the audio quality is not to my liking). sounds great doesn't it?
me: yes.
person: i like to hear things in the music that i never heard before


(my sound system is 2 studio monitors each with 2x15" woofers and a 6 inch radial horn midrange speaker and a ring tweeter, and an amcron dc300a amplifier and an amcron dc150 a pre amplifier and i have not heard better sound except in recording studios)

me: yes indeed.
person: so you really like them?
me: yes (begrudgingly)
person: yeah! i am so glad i got it.
me: mmmm


i have difficulty congratulating people even if i do like what they show me.

b9, that's finest aspie stand-up comedy, hilarious!!

God gave us two ears and one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we talk.

also

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.


Those are two things I try to live by.

As a kid I went to the rich kid's party and the host asked me how it was, I said. I didn't like the tree swing, it was too scary(it was rope tied to a branch, and everyone at that age could barely reach it). My mother almost had a heart attack in the car of embarrassment.
In my 20s my manager took me to his apartment to show his brand new DTS sound dvd system he had bought. So I told the other guy in the office, the sound was great but the video was slow/tearing/jitter. The guy wasn't impressed with me after that. Not working there any more.

Currently, I just nod and say, oh that is nice, well done. Wait to see if I got off easily. But I think they pick up on it anyway.

They absolutely pick up on it. And they appreciate you all the more if they catch you lying, because it means you care about their feelings.

i always aprpeciate people admire them and i am nice to them...still i am a social failure.

I remember when I was a child we went to someone's house for dinner and it was the first time I ever had anything with parmesan cheese I said out loud "This food smells like someone's been sick in the room" My mum was embarrassed.

cant say nothing nice, dont say nothing at all....

thats why i am so quiet

Keep acting like a dick, it will get you further than being the guy people go to when they are feeling down on their luck and want to talk. I am also outspoken. I don't know how you act but I believe people are too obsessed with propriety and don't look at things objectively which angers me, leading to outburst and a plethora of sarcastic comments.

I remember in kindergarten when another kid called me (son of my moms friend) to ask if I wanted to go to his house and I just said no. My mother freaked out, I can still remember her and my father acting like I had just killed someone. I empathize with all the stories people have told.