Causes of social withdrawal - Poll

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If you're on the spectrum, what do you see as the main cause of social withdrawal?

Some people think that Aspies don't want to socialize. Personally I think it's more about the failure rate and logical conclusions made therefrom...

A lifetime of wanting to be understood and to have company that understands, but failing repeatedly to establish such relationships, may lead to the logical conclusion that it's just not doable. So, you simply give up on socialization and live a quiet solitary life as much as possible.

That said, don't let me influence your vote.

Thanks.

Wanting to be with people but not being able to work out what's going on in social situations. Repeated failures add up. Also I think it's the unwillingness of others to make allowances for difference. They want to stay in their comfort zone and be surrounded by people who look and behave like them.

Not being able to keep up with the conversation.
Not knowing why people find talking about nothing interesting.
Not being able to work out if a person is being honest or not.
Having to think about what has happened in order to try to make sense of it.

It's discouraging to feel out of it, so I withdraw a lot. It's tiring to concentrate and be sociable.

Sometimes I meet someone new at a job or as a visitor to the house and they seem OK with me at first. But after a few conversations they back off. I don't know what I've done, or if others have told them not to bother.

I feel like I understand everything you've written. Thanks very much for sharing.

People who know me end up being my judge in the end. My quirks drive them crazy and my honesty can be threatening. Seems like isolation is the best thing at the moment. Also, to find someone like me, that has my interests, would probably be futile. I'm too "out there."

Too busy working, realizing that all the talking I was doing is better when written up and sent to the patent office, not having anything to offer to anyone.

Mostly the former choice, but sometimes the latter. Being around others can sometimes be enriching, but often it is draining even if I enjoy myself.

usually choice A), although there are moments where i just want to be alone.

also, in my own experience, i have found the difference between options A) and B) to be one of the main differences between AS and HFA (from talking to several people with AS, HFA and 'regular' autism, some of them i see as friends)

I don't desire socialization. I never have. When I was a child I rejected the other kids who wanted to play with me, as I just wanted to play alone in my head.

with the exception of my square pegs aspie meetup group, i am my own best company. nobody else seems to "get" me.

A bit of both here. Socializing feels like trying to juggle. It's extremely exhausting, but almost a high if I can keep going for a short amount of time. I like keeping it in limited amounts though.

For the most part, I think Aspies are just good people who are a bit confused.

So I don't think it's lack of desire, more just frustration.

i think there is a case for keeping expectations very low, but doing some socialising

because
- it's painful at the time,
but
- longer term if you dont do any you get lonely and sad ; it seems the human needs some, and has some deep inner need for some

Other: Rejection and ridicule

I was the only student from third grade on who aced all of the science-related assignments, but because I sucked at sports in a jock-run school system, no one took me seriously when it came to science-based discussions, even when I was right (which was most of the time).

I wouldn't call it social withdrawal in my case. You have to make social approaches in the first place to be able to withdraw.
Lack of interest would be my reason, reinforced throughout my life by having it confirmed over and over that most socialisation amounts to a lot of effort, only to be rewarded by mind-crushing boredom.

I enjoy being alone a lot. I also have no interest in friendships in most other people my age. But I still want 2-3 friends who I can sometimes do things with.

I do feel offended when NTs say that Aspies don't WANT to socialize. I do WANT to socialize, but I CAN'T socialize well. I often rub people the wrong way, causing people to reject me or bully me.