Bullied in school etc. How do you make new friends?

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minliu
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01 Oct 2012, 2:45 am

I started attending a new school in November last year and I had some good friends at my new school but now they've basically abandoned me and apparently they're tired of me. My best friend lives 175 miles from here so it's really hard to meet.

How do you make new friends? I'm thinking about joining communities etc. since that's where I met one of my friends (we barely talk right now though) but just having friends in school would be great.. How do you approach someone without seeming weird?



BMctav
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01 Oct 2012, 4:38 am

minliu wrote:
How do you make new friends? I'm thinking about joining communities etc. since that's where I met one of my friends (we barely talk right now though) but just having friends in school would be great.. How do you approach someone without seeming weird?


I think you are definitely on the right track by joining communities. I figure that the more people you meet, the higher your chances of finding someone that you have things in common with like shared interests or hobbies or enjoy talking to which are great foundation on which to build friendships.



schleppenheimer
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01 Oct 2012, 7:29 am

I agree with the idea of finding communities. Those common interests are vital, and kind of smooth the way for making more solid friendships.

One of the things that I observe with my son, and I'm guessing a lot of people on the spectrum don't do, is the huge amount of follow-up that is required of a friendship. The reciprocal things -- such as returning a phone call, or commenting on people's pictures on Facebook (appropriately), or listening to their conversations even though you aren't interested -- these are the things that are hard to do, and that cause people to lose interest.

I only began to really observe this in my son as I age and realize how tiresome it is to do all of this work to keep up friendships. It's flat out hard work, and seems ridiculous at times. I'm a highly social person, and even I find it annoying to be the one who keeps in contact constantly with people. I guess it's only worth it if you a) really enjoy the company of a new friend, or b) are truly afraid of being lonely.

What I have found is that the work is worth it, but only with a select few friends who are as good to me as I am to them. Beyond that, it's a lot of busy work without a lot of return. If you can find maybe three good people to become friends with, then it's worth it to put forth the effort required to maintain those friendships.



1000Knives
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02 Oct 2012, 12:23 am

I always just approached people without knowing it was weird.