peace & quiet vs social group annoyances

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NTs have a different idea of what is funny. Annoying other people seems to be a very common activity they enjoy in groups -- including college professors who still want to be ‘one of the guys’ but is clearly way too old for it (yet still participates).

I graduated college a few years ago, but still live in the same town (smallish town). One of my professors/advisor knows where I live and every time he drives by my house he honks his horn. I believe he has recruited other people to do the same. I can’t prove it, but it can easily be found out just by asking a few of his students about it (he tends to brag about things like this to his upper class).

He is well liked by most, so it might not be easy to get them to admit it and expose him for his childish behavior.

This might not seem like a big deal on the surface. It is just a car horn after all. It honks a few seconds and then is quiet. However, I experience this sometimes several times a day – in increasing frequency. Add to this the other annoyances of loud engines reving at the stop sign, people squealing their tires, … etc. I live in a rural area for a reason – I want to live in a quiet place. The occasional jerk making a racket is one thing, but purposeful targeting me to annoy is another.

Maybe I am over reacting and should try to ignore them and maybe they will get tired of the game. If I don’t react it could die down eventually. I just don’t know how long it will take. It has been 2 years and the auto noise passing by my home seems to be getting worse. Not all of it can be his fault, but I don’t appreciate him adding to the problem.

I sent an email telling him to stop. I doubt he will admit to doing it though. I was wondering if anyone here has been in similar situations and knows how best to deal with it successfully without a lot of drama involved. The last thing I want is to have to go to the law for help – they probably won’t/can't help much anyway. It seems that whenever people know something annoys me, the more they want to do it and make me angry/uncomfortable/mess up my peace. How do I get them to leave me alone?

I have to ask: prior to this e-mail, had you told him that it annoys you?

The reason I ask is that I live in a small town too, and honking when you go by the place of someone you know is actually pretty common. It's not done with the intent of annoying the person - it's intended as almost a kind of friendliness - they're basically saying a friendly hello to the person by honking the horn as they go past. I know many people that do this - the intent is never to annoy amongst the people I know that do it.

If you have asked him to stop and he's ignored you, it's a different story. But if that's not the case I think you may be taking it the wrong way and overreacting - I wouldn't be surprised if he replies to your e-mail by apologizing, saying exactly what I just said: he didn't mean to annoy you, and he's sorry for the misunderstanding.

Be careful not to overreact - and most definitely don't try to call the cops on him.

Yes, I have addressed his other annoying behaviors even when I was a student. I'd tell him it isn't right to annoy someone on purpose just for a laugh. He was bothering an Asian assistant professor in his department just because she was very conservative and thought it was funny to offend her by placing lewd pictures in her mail box (like a guy with his shirt off). No big thing really, (on the surface) but to do it specifically to offend someone is just wrong. He walks a fine line between being a joker and being a bully. One day he is going to do it to the wrong person and he will get more in return than he planned.

I don't want to overreact. I wish I could just ignore it. I have to a great extent -- it bothers me but I don't react outwardly. My insides do some uncomfortable things though and at times I feel like I'm on the verge of a heart attack. My chest gets tight and I have a harder time breathing. I feel physically stressed and all I can do is try to relax, take deep breaths and wait till I feel better. He probably has no idea he has that effect on me (most extroverts can't understand it). The auto noise is just one of many things that stress me out. It is all additive.

I know the world around me is not responsible for my body's reactions -- it isn't their problem or fault that I have a hard time. I need to find more ways to de-stress so that I can deal with people who do annoying things. The problem is the ways I HAVE been using to de-stress are working less and less. My methods are less effective many days. I spend more time trying to de-stress than actually living my life. It sucks.