Some snippets from an overheard conversation...

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I planned to sleep throughout a long bus trip yesterday but in the end I didn't even sleep a wink because two female high school students seated behind me were chatting non-stop. (I could tell that they were trying to keep their volume down, yet I could hear them fairly clearly.) I wouldn't be reproducing the whole conversation here.... Only some snippets. I would like to hear your thoughts.

(Note: Due to some personal reasons, I don't feel comfortable revealing my nationality on Wrong Planet yet.)
(Note: The two girls changed topics frequently throughout the actual conversation, so I had to paraphrase many of the snippets so that they would make sense.)

1. Alpha admitted to Beta that she had always wanted to be "creme de la creme" since young, but even within the high school itself, many students outperformed her. She asked Beta to teach her how to win every rat race. Beta agreed. Beta then gave Alpha several tips. (To all: What do you think of Beta's tips?)

- Beta told Alpha to aim for the sky when choosing colleges. At the very least, Alpha should obtain a college degree that would be recognized worldwide. Beta herself had already done her research on a long list of "dream colleges", including the Ivy League. She told Alpha to come up with her own list of "dream colleges" as soon as possible.

- Beta told Alpha to start accumulating work experience if she hadn't accumulated any work experience yet. Beta told Alpha something like "nobody will hire you if you have zero experience even if you have graduated from some top university". Beta said that she was proud of herself because she had been working almost every vacation. She told Alpha that "vacation jobs will train you to react fast to all sorts of problems".

- Beta told Alpha that even though graduating with a college degree should be top priority, "a college degree is just a piece of paper at the end of the day". She added that the key to succeeding in any workplace is to combine a sweet tongue with fast reflexes.

- Beta told Alpha that her theory why Asia has produced few Nobel Prize winners compared to the West even though Asians are as intelligent as Westerners. When there is a problem, Asians tend to wait for instructions and/or solve the problem step by step. On the contrary, Westerners tend to solve the problem as soon as the problem arises, Westerners often come up with multiple solutions to a single problem and Westerners have the "common sense" to resort to short cuts.

- Beta told Alpha that since every scholarship applicant has excellent grades, the scholarship panel will eliminate those applicants who don't have any experience in leading people. Beta told Alpha that the key to clinching any scholarship is to exude confidence when interviewed by the scholarship panel. Alpha asked Beta to explain what confidence is. Beta replied something like, "Look at how stars conduct themselves on TV--calm, steady and charismatic."

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2. Alpha and Beta started gossiping about some other girl, Gamma. To cut a long story short, Alpha suspected that Gamma might be an Aspie but Beta rebutted that Gamma was just "too stubborn to change herself".

- Alpha first steered the conversation towards Gamma by saying something like, "Gamma is so pampered even though her family is so poor. If she were born into some rich family, she would be some spoilt brat."

- Alpha and Beta befriended Gamma in middle school because they noticed that Gamma was quiet and isolated. Beta later dumped Gamma because... 1. Gamma always asked classmates for their test scores, then she would seem upset if any classmate's score was higher than hers. 2. Gamma openly showed that she was jealous that Beta had been spending most of her time with some other friends. Gamma kept asking Beta to spend more time with her, then Beta got angry because she thought that Gamma "was being clingy". 3. Beta complained that Gamma became excessively chatty when she started regarding Beta as a friend. "Once she opens her mouth, she never knows when to stop!" Unlike Beta, Alpha continued to keep in contact with Gamma. Alpha suspected that Gamma "has some condition that makes her socially unacceptable", so she wanted to "cure Gamma of this condition so that Gamma can fit into society". She admitted to Beta that she would feel good about herself if she ever succeeded at "curing Gamma".

- Alpha and Beta gossiped that Gamma was very timid because she had various phobias. "She even seems timid when she walks!" Alpha told Beta that she had always encouraged Gamma to "take the first step in trying new things out". Beta replied something like, "Yeah, you have been doing the right thing. If Gamma always stays in the same spot, then she is forever stuck in the same old self."

- Alpha gossiped that Gamma once told her how an incident that happened long ago left her with social phobia. Years ago, when Gamma was still in elementary school, no clique accepted her as a member, but at least she had one friend. Their moms were friends too. However, when the moms' friendship soured, the friend dumped Gamma. Gamma had zero friends in elementary school since then.

- Alpha said that she was so frustrated with Gamma's social phobia that she asked Gamma one day, "Come on! I'm your friend! Please don't tell me that you are scared of me too?" Gamma replied, "Alpha, you are one of those people who smile at people while judging them in your heart. People like you enjoy gossiping about people behind their backs." Alpha said that her desire to "cure Gamma" prevented her from dumping Gamma even after hearing such a reply from Gamma.

- Alpha said that Gamma once told her, "Thanks for teaching me social norms because my parents didn't teach me anything." Alpha said that she felt embarrassed about herself because she had never taught Gamma social norms deliberately. She thought that she didn't deserve Gamma's gratitude because she was merely "sharing commonsensical observations" with Gamma.

- Alpha and Beta got into some sort of debate regarding Gamma. Alpha said something like "Maybe Gamma would be socially acceptable like us if only she had better parents." Alpha kept reminding Beta that Gamma's parents as well as her brother had always neglected her because they were too busy working to make ends meet. Beta argued that "Ultimately, we are the ones who forge our lives through the decisions that we make. Being neglected by family members might disadvantage you, but neglect can't possibly be bad enough to cripple you. It isn't too late for Gamma to change herself. The question is whether she is willing to change herself or not."

- Alpha said that she had always envied Gamma's naivety because Gamma's naivety encouraged people to reach out to her and protect her. "Look at me, her naivety makes me feel like curing all her phobias." Beta sighed that people rarely helped her whenever she faced problems because she had always been "clever and cunning" just like everybody else in her mom's family. Alpha said, "People don't help you because they have confidence in you. They believe that you are clever enough to solve any problem on your own." Beta said sadly, "Yeah, but my parents probably don't know how bad they make me feel whenever they tell me to solve problems on my own when I approach them for help."

- Alpha said that Gamma and her are no longer in the same high school class because some high schools assign students to different classes at the beginning of every new semester, but she contacted Gamma one day to find out whether Gamma had made any friends in her new class. Gamma told her that she had been hanging out with boys and doing projects with them. Alpha then told Gamma that "it's good to make friends with boys but not very ideal because you can't discuss certain topics with boys". Alpha got stumped when Gamma replied, "Then teach me how to make friends with girls!"
Beta: Making friends is so easy! Is there a need to teach!
Alpha: But I can understand where Gamma is coming from. How to make friends when cliques have already been established? Some clique leaders will humiliate you if they sense that you are desperate to break into their cliques.
Beta: Who says that you must befriend clique leaders? You should spend some time observing who is the meekest and most easygoing member of the clique that you are trying to break into. This girl's social status is usually much lower than her clique leader's, but at least her personality is much much nicer. Be thick-skinned but nice as you strike up a friendship with her. If she prefers to maintain a one-to-one friendship with you, then respect her preference. If she trusts you enough to introduce you to the rest of her clique, good for you! This is how I join cliques.

I agree with Beta's advice on getting into college and establishing a career.

I don't know if she is correct as to why Nobel Prize winners more frequently come from Western rather than Asian countries. I do know that she has accurately described a common method of problem solving, at least where I am in the U.S. The American idiom for this type of problem solving is "throw a bunch of stuff at the wall and see what sticks".

I also agree with her advice for breaking into a clique. I have used that method many times and it has always worked.

Is Alpha's attempt to diagnose Gamma as an Aspie correct? It's impossible to know. Alpha lists a bunch of traits and behaviours that have been described in various posts by various WP members. But none of those traits and behaviours are exclusive to autism and many of them aren't even part of the diagnostic criteria. They just sound familiar because various posters have described them here and there (such as being clingy and jealous if a friend has other friends).

Perhaps Gamma will benefit from being friends with Alpha. Or perhaps she will become annoyed at Alpha's continued attempts to make her fit in via a social makeover.

In any case, a fascinating conversation.