abandonment of a friend

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Hi,

I've been in touch with a guy during 1 year, we spoke every days without exeptions by text, and that summer he stoped without explanations, the only thing i remember was after a misunderstanding, he said me Goodbye, i ask him definitly ?, he answered yes. Since no news. I tried to keep contacts sending him news from me, I begged him to explain me but no answer. We are now 2 months later, i was unable to close our relation because i didn't know what game he plays, I'm still attache to him, i appreciate him a lot, he was very nice. Why does he do that ? Finaly i send him yesterday "I take your none answer as "thanks, i don't want hear of you anymore, your exist as no importance for me, what you have done for me has no value, only account what matters for me, and i decide that you have nothing more to bring me, so goodby, walk""
I have a lot of difficulties being in the blurring, that's why i need to give me an explaination he refuse to give me.

What would you do in that situation ? Have you advices ?

Stop trying to contact him. Some people do nasty stuff like this and its hard but you (all of us) just have to accept it and move on. Try to distract yourself from thinking about him by doing other things you like or talking to or seeing other people you like and trust. You will get over it, even though right now maybe it seems like you never will.

Yes, i don't believe it again what happen, maybe with the time... Thank you
I don't know if he do that for good or bad reasons

This happened to me too, one time. I never knew what the person's reasons were. It was sudden and made no sense at all. A truly bizarre mystery.

This happened to me one time as well. It was really bizarre, and I spent so many years after the fact being angry at her. I got abandoned all of a sudden, and I got abolutely no explanation for it, despite all my attempts to reach out to her. What I believe happened though is that she suffered from pride and deep seated insecurity. She had to fake a certain image rather than being real with me. This was the part that pissed me off the most. Rather than explaning to me any issues she had, she felt like she had to cover them up. I also feel like I had a lot good things going on in my life at the time, and I believe she felt like she wasn't able to measure up.

So rather than try to create these awesome things in her life, she just felt like it was easier to just walk away. Then she started hanging out with people more pitiful than she was. I have realized though that if people can't be real with you and if they have to fake a certain image, then they have nothing to offer you. Their departure is actually blessing. How you deal with the feelings of abandonment though is by knowing yourself. This gives you the confidence to understand your abilities and also the truth about yourself. Doing this keeps you from being defined by the insecurities and shortcomings of others. The refusal to know oneself is really a symptom of insecurity and pride. I think this is why personality disorders such as narcissistic, histrionic, and borderline disorder are so rampant in today's society. This is actually a very serious issue, and I think this is the main reason why some people people become bullies. These are just some of the ways the same issue manifests itself. You have no business dealing with such people though as they have nothing to offer you and can't be real with you. So my advice is to know oneself and to continue on with you being you.

This is too common with me...people cut me off without reasons

I got used to it

But in my case there are people who are really disappointing i continue dragging along with them
and finally one day i cut off.

Somewhere they see it coming they know their behaviour is ridiculous

But there are people who cut me off without giving reasons
its ok when they get bored of you they no longer need you

Its better to keep to oneself then jump into social scenario
its rather messy out there

[quote="namaste"]This is too common with me...people cut me off without reasons



But there are people who cut me off without giving reasons
its ok when they get bored of you they no longer need you

I had a situation where someone once made plans with me and never carried through and I just never heard from them. In fact, rather than give me a reason, they led me around a few days and then just fizzled on me. They also never gave me a reason either.

i once called a classmate home to teach me the difficult part of calculation
our teacher had asked him to help us out
he promised he would be coming at 4pm....i waited till 6pm
he said he will come next day
again i waited and called him up
he disconnected the phone
so imagine how easily he fooled me
he could have directly said that he will not help me out
why take me for ride like this[/quote]

I had another situation where I was working towards being baptized and becoming a member of a church. I was in a singles ministry and since I was part of the group, the pastor asked one of the leaders in that group to meet with me about sharing my faith and having an interview.

-On the first affair, they asked for my e-mail and said they were going to contact me that way about getting together. However, I never got the e-mail but got an excuse in person that they tried and it bounced on them.

-The second time, they made plans with me to go to dinner and talk. They gave me their number too. So, I called the next day to confirm with them. They said, "Yeah I think so. Can I call you back later? I am really busy." However, that never happened and they did not show up. I also called their cell a few times and they did not retrieve my call or pick up. So a family member who I was living with at the time said, "I want you to stop chasing them."

The next time I bumped into them it was, "We never did meet did we?" I said, "I know sweetie." I also gave them a Christmas card and a candy cane. Inside the card, I explained that it was truly not meant for me to be baptized there.

Anyway,

This is back to being abandoned.

I had a respite provider reject me because I could have ruined her career because

1. I made plans to go see a movie with her which fell through
2. I went to catch the first hour of another movie which was earlier than our meeting time. I even left her a message about it
3. I did not hear from her at a certain time and kept checking my phone and thought she got busy. So I just kept watching.
4. I got out of the theater and basically was told that I was grounded and taken home because this provider freaked out.
5. She called the mall security, movie theater staff, and the a family member who I lived with at the time. She also nearly called the police and called the state on me.

So she basically told me that because of what I did, she could not take care of me anymore due to liability and possible loss of her job. I tried to apologize and it was, "I'm done."

When she rejected me, I was very surprised because it was basically like she went from being nice to just plain nasty. For instance, I ended up getting my own place two and a half months later and offered to give me a set of china that she did not need. Rather than give them to me with a card, the dumped off a box on my aunt's front porch with no card wishing me good luck. I mean, she did not even call first or knock on the door when she did it either. This was after I had called her up to thank her and she seemed like everything was fine too when I spoke with her on the phone.

I am one of those people who just disappears suddenly for no reason. I have troubles with saying "no", confrontations and any situations that evoke negative feelings. I'd rather be silent or just disappear than face these things. I know it's wrong and that I need a fix...

when people disappear like that... they probably have some personal issues...

This sounds like something I would do to a lesser extant. Because I try to be nice to people, but if they start to show interest, I avoid them because I fear and am bad at socializing.