People Staring

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Hi, I'm new around here, first post of mine. So, yesterday I was at a restaurant and there were a couple teenagers sitting at a few tables in front of me and a girl at the table constantly turned around and stared at me. Is this normal behavior for NT's at restaurants? I was sitting up straight, but I don't understand why else they would be staring at me.

Welcome to WP Lilith

I don't think it's normal behaviour for someone to repeatedly stare at someone else, but I wouldn't think too much of it. Are you sure she was staring at you and not something else? Like maybe she was waiting for another person to show and kept checking to see if that person had arrived yet? Or perhaps she just liked the way you dressed or something or was trying to identify the food on your plate so she could order the same.

I thought she was looking somewhere else too, but I looked up and she was looking right at me. But it could be the way I was dressed, like you said.

I hate that. It has happened to me a few times. When you say you were sitting up straight, do you mean that you were sitting in a rigidly upright fashion? Were you overdressed? Teenagers hate formality and will stare at anyone who they think is stuffy.

I wouldn't really worry about it. Just makes sure you don't sit in a stuffy or overly formal manner in public. Actually, I've never seen anyone with a stuffy mannerism under the age of 35, it's almost as if society expects you to be a little informal if you are a young person.

By the way, welcome to WP

Thanks, both of you for welcoming me, and yeah I was sitting in a rigidly upright fashion, I hate slouching, it hurts my back, I just find it more comfortable, and I was a little bit dressed up I think.

Bingo. You learn these sorts of things after a while. Just try to slouch even a little, and don't be ashamed to dress slightly less formally. I used to overdress all the time when I was a kid, and I remember one school day when people called me a cowboy because I was wearing jeans, a white shirt and boots. (In Australia, almost all high schools have a uniform, even the state-run ones). I don't know, it might be a little different in Europe or America, but one Australian stereotype that is true is the fact that we are very casual.

The whole eye contact thing is a big issue with ASD people and the NT world. You might find this discussion interesting:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp5290673 ... t=#5290673

Cool, thanks!

Another thing, for you to notice she was looking at you, you must have been looking at her, I think us Aspies fail to realise we are not as invisible as we feel and people do notice when we stare at them.

So, she might have been looking at you for the same reason you were looking at her, to see if you were still keep looking at her?

This happens to me at least once every time I go out, and sometimes I ignore and forget about it, and other times it gets me feeling self-conscious. It's usually either girls between the ages of 18 and 26 that stare at me, or older women between the ages of about 56 and 70. Funnily enough I don't usually get stared at by teenagers. I think older women are the worst.

Today I went into a cake shop, and there was only about 2 other customers in there, and I waited patiently for my turn, and when it was, I just asked for what I wanted and said please, and got my money out from my purse, then when the lady said the amount it was I just handed it to her. While she went to get the change, I saw the woman next to me turn her head towards me as though she was staring at me for something. I pretended I didn't notice, and the lady gave me the change and I said thanks then took my bun in it's bag and went, holding the door open for an elderly man who was coming in. As I was walking home I kept worrying about why the b***h next to me was staring at me when I wasn't doing anything weird. All I was doing was asking for a bun in a cake shop, just like any other person would. But then I had to tell myself:-

-Maybe she wasn't looking right at me but was just looking towards the door that was near me to observe what was going on outside or something

-Maybe she wanted to watch the lady behind the thing giving me my change for something to watch while she was waiting for her cakes to come

-Maybe she liked my coat or scarf or handbag (I am trendy)