Observing that I only initiate the contact.

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It's funny that I have noticed this throughout my life, and quite recently it's becoming quite obvious in what I have observed. Out the people I know in my life where I live, I am the one that initiates all the conversations and contact. Noone initiates with me. If I want to hang out with someone, they actually do come along. But not one person ever initiates the conversations or sends an invite out my way.

Anyone else deal with that?

it doesn't seem that i'm able to actually initiate diddly.

Alright.

One thing I am thinking about doing for the book I am writing though since it's about how I work and I am kind of curious to see the responses here. I want to see how I deal with ten days of no initiating contact with anyone. I want to see if anyone will actually call or text me to see how I am doing or invite me anywhere. My parents won't count.

beware! the results might not be what you might like them to be. I can think of precisely ONE good event in my life where somebody else initiated. until that happened I was a hermit in the middle of the woods for the better part of a decade.

Personal conversations with co-workers and social events that I was arranged to go to don't count. I am referring to media such as phone calls, text messages, Facebook, and Skype. I have arranged 8 rules for how this should be applied.

the initial post here struck me.... that is something I too observe for most if not all of my life

the number of times the other person has initiated/ talked first in my life I cld probably count on the fingers of one had.... tho at times I can talk incessantly, many and varied things .''''. I'm well read but football, girls and 'going out' are non-existant to me. too bloody clever I think and another reason we deliberately never had kids, I would never bring anyone into the world that they may suffer the shite I have had to endure..... and in that I count having to go about the day to day stuff.

yup.. they never speak first.... but thats possibly because I'm an active man, I cannot think once in my life that I've stood around idle.

postscript a few days later .... here where I live is as good as its possible to be re environment and ppl .. and thinking abt it there are in fact ppl that wld possibly speak to me first, or put it another way i can think of a couple of regular encounters that have nothing but respect for me and it shows. Its easy and possibly a mental laziness where ones brain keeps conjuring up life when it was at its worst forty years ago and not realise I have grown in to something worthwhile.

Last edited by ablomov on 23 Jun 2013, 2:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

I do know what you mean. For me now, especially due to my unique lifestyle, I am not in any position to be social. Right now I am finishing writing-up my PhD so I honestly do not have discretionary time. I may as well be a cloistered nun. I am close to a few within my lab, but again due to my present status, social events are nearly impossible or at least really limited.

aspiemike, always keep up your efforts because one day you will meet someone who not only appreciates your friendship, but wants to reciprocate. I know NTs have a knack for finding fb friends, pub buddies, playmates and acquaintances, but is theirs truly friendship? Probably not, and maybe you'll find friendship beyond that superficial level.

Same, but i have one friend who invites me out regularly.. other times not really, maybe the odd milestone event but im never asked often by others.

I've had plenty of invites before myself actually. But I have observed it's not a consistent thing. Some just disappear over the course of time or become so infrequent with the invites. You know it's likely to do with the "what have you done for me lately?" logic and the fact that someone owes you a favour and they just don't want to repay you.

I guess the main challenge here is to avoid in the first place, flaky types who would not play fair [IOW return favors reliably].

For me, it's the opposite. My social life depends completely on the goodwill of other people. When I propose something or I try to befriend new people, I get rejected.

this is a good one to respond to. And in turn to the person who gets invited out to "milestone events."
Yes. I remember no one came out for my birthday earlier in the year, and guess what happened when other's birthdays came along? "Oh, sorry. I am busy." Yeah, my attending someone else's three bdays in a row to their zero for mine... forget about it. Don't even ask. You wished me a happy bday, that's all you get in return. No hangouts. lol
I was at a meetup for my birthday and casually brought up that it was my birthday at one point and people actually bought me drinks or food.

Yah, and sometimes I just really don't know what I am supposed to do. I am really shy (and sometimes do not speak at all) and I think it's too forward for me to ask someone &/or I just don't know how.

Once someone I barely knew but liked quite a lot announced they were moving to a new flat and I quickly offered to help.....then I realised it was probably inappropriate to offer help to someone who is just an acquaintance. Geez.