Handling abusive and hostile strangers
Hi:
I was wondering what would be the best way to handle hostile and abusive strangers in a public setting.
Example:
These are people who make an effort to cause a scene in public with you by acting ugly about your actions that are otherwise no big deal.
How do you act assertive without sinking to their level and fight back? (Using bad words, raising your voice etc.)
This is something that I have always struggled with when someone is been nasty with me because I grew up in an abusive household with lots of bullying. I had always learned to fight back and have the last say. I am getting better at not giving in but once in a while
Former victims of abuse how do you handle nasty people.
I had a stranger yell at my son once, on public transit. My son offered his seat to an elderly woman, who declined, and as we continued with our conversation another elderly woman came on. Suddenly, a man started yelling at my son, accusing him of not knowing his manners .. blah blah. Luckily, other passengers defended him. I asked my son to offer his seat to the woman (since I was blocked in) and she was in need - and then turned to the man, who was finding the "humiliation" rather amusing, and said:
"I don't appreciate you yelling at my son." (An "I" statement in a firm yet calm tone - eye contact.)
He responded with:
"What?! He didn't see her??"
"That's right. He didn't see her. He is always very polite." (Firm yet calm again - eye contact)
Then he swore at me and I could tell his lack of communication skills was starting to get to him and so I repeated:
"He is always very polite." (I hand-gestured (stop) to end the conversation - reduced the eye contact - and after swearing one more time, he left us alone.
I win!
Sometimes, the best response is to say nothing at all and just look at them - but not in a fearful way - in a neutral way. This way, they don't know what to say because you haven't given them anything to argue with.
But the BEST solution is to w-a-l-k a-w-a-y!!
I happened to witness someone earlier today who had happened to walk into a movie theater with their previous purchased ticket to go sit down in the movie theater. A few people saw the ticket and let them go ahead. They moved closer to the ticket booth when another patron decided to pick on this person by accusing them of breaking in line.
I will call that person with the ticket "Emily."
Emily: "I thought that you said I could go ahead because I had a ticket. You did not have to be a grouch about it."
I will call the other lady "Cinderella's wicked step-mother
Wicked Step Mother, "Well I would not be a grouch if you would not have cut in line"
Emily: Please do not get an attitude with me and xyz
The wicked step mother kept pushing Emily's buttons.
It led to Emily person calling wicked stepmother the b- word
The wicked step mother got smart and said "Oh are you going to call me names too? Go over there and talk to that ticket person. I don't want you around me."
Emily: You stop being a bully to me and just shut your F*&^% mouth (Raising voice)
The Wicked Step mother walked on to meet her party for the movie and got away with murder while there was not one to watch the situation closely such as the manager. The ticket attendant was also not in their posting to see what was going on.
The manager along with two other workers started patronizing the Emily who had just been bullied. "I am sorry we can't see a movie today because we were swearing. We can come back tomorrow but just not today."
Emily got her money back and took some time to cool off and went back in tears to explain to the manager about The Wicked Stepmother's hostile tone.
Instead of opening my mouth to a wicked stepmother type, what do I say when they accuse me of cutting line? Should I just show them my ticket? If the people of the theater talk to me like they talked down to Emily, how do I handle patronizing people?
I will call that person with the ticket "Emily."
Emily: "I thought that you said I could go ahead because I had a ticket. You did not have to be a grouch about it."
I will call the other lady "Cinderella's wicked step-mother
Wicked Step Mother, "Well I would not be a grouch if you would not have cut in line"
Emily: Please do not get an attitude with me and xyz
The wicked step mother kept pushing Emily's buttons.
It led to Emily person calling wicked stepmother the b- word
The wicked step mother got smart and said "Oh are you going to call me names too? Go over there and talk to that ticket person. I don't want you around me."
Emily: You stop being a bully to me and just shut your F*&^% mouth (Raising voice)
The Wicked Step mother walked on to meet her party for the movie and got away with murder while there was not one to watch the situation closely such as the manager. The ticket attendant was also not in their posting to see what was going on.
The manager along with two other workers started patronizing the Emily who had just been bullied. "I am sorry we can't see a movie today because we were swearing. We can come back tomorrow but just not today."
Emily got her money back and took some time to cool off and went back in tears to explain to the manager about The Wicked Stepmother's hostile tone.
Instead of opening my mouth to a wicked stepmother type, what do I say when they accuse me of cutting line? Should I just show them my ticket? If the people of the theater talk to me like they talked down to Emily, how do I handle patronizing people?
I'm trying to imagine this.
In every movie theater that I can remember, you would stand in line to buy a ticket and then walk over to the door to enter. If you already had a ticket, you didn't have to stand in the ticket line at all -- you would just walk through the door and give your ticket to whoever is handling that part of it.
I would think that if the two functions are combined into one process -- that is, if the ticket seller was also the one admitting people to the theater, then one line would be there for both purposes and you would stand in line and wait your turn whether you already had a ticket or not. In this case, I would think that cutting in line because you already have a ticket would be quite rude.
They were trying to stand in line and first group of ladies said Emily could go on ahead because they had their ticket.
I really feel that you need to have two lines in place.
1. For ticket attendance
2. Making purchases without fuss and cuss.
In most theaters, you have one window to pay in and then you enter the theater and walk over to a ticket attendant in another spot.
If I by accidently happen to break in line and someone gets angry with me, how should I respond without things getting out of hand?
