Friendship in trouble because I'm "Condescending"?

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zarok
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28 Jun 2013, 5:35 pm

So my friend I used to date but now she has a bf and im ok with that and all but i will say something and she says im condescending and don't care about her. Or she feels i disapprove but i do but she wants me to just accept everything she does. I am not sure how much since this makes but i am running short on friends and she seems to always get really mad at me and i never know why ad then now she can drive and she will get mad and then just leave instead of talking to me. Because apparently talking to me makes her furious because i don't get as upset as her. I feel like she is over reacting to everything but i know not to say this because she gets even more pissed.

Like right now i am texting her and she says that every time i disagree with something she does she feels really upset because i am so judge mental. But now she says its actually that i am very condescending. This is one reason i don't want to be in a relationship with her, I don't know how i am condescending or what i am doing but i think it is part of being ASD. and she seems to not be able to handle that. she expects me to stop and blames me for it and gets upset when i don't even know what im doing or how she is getting upset from it. Apparently she cares alot about what i think of her but feels bad because i judge her or i am condescending to her. But i don't understand how i am doing this.

The reason she got upset today was because i said she was not very cautious about things. She breaks laws hat she feels don't apply to her or she rationalizes them and i see the flaw and point it out. Like it doesn't matter if you think the law shouldn't apply to you, you still have to follow it. But she thinks she wont get caught or can get out of it. I feel it might be because i am older. Or perhaps my aspie.

But this thing about her feeling like im condescending has been going on alot and other people say i do it but this one friend seems to be the one most upset by it. What can i do?



cathylynn
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28 Jun 2013, 5:57 pm

if you are discouraging her from breaking the law, you are doing her a favor, but she is too immature to see it. some day she'll thank you. other than that, can you give some examples of things you said that she thinks are condescending?

using the words "you should" or "you ought to" often will bring a negative reaction. you could try avoiding them and see if that helps.



zarok
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28 Jun 2013, 6:04 pm

They are laws that she feels are for irresponsible teenagers and she feels since she is responsible they are ok. like drinking, because she doesnt get drunk. or driving after her restricted license says she can.



cathylynn
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28 Jun 2013, 10:58 pm

I don't think you're condescending, but maybe you don't need to tell her how you feel about it any more. she's heard your concerns, given you a bratty, defensive teenage answer, and done what she pleases. you can ask her not to share illegal behaviors with you if you still find them upsetting.



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29 Jun 2013, 1:52 pm

So she left you for someone who's ok with those illegal behaviors? I think there's a basic incompatibility between your personalities at this stage in her life, if so.


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zarok
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29 Jun 2013, 2:15 pm

He is a pot head and she doesn't like it but she doesn't do it. I feel it is only a matter of time. But also i feel it is a lack of her understanding my black and white mind. She feels like i am difficult and i antagonize her but i feel like she is just impatient and hateful towards people. she feels that if i am her friend or care about her then i would change my views to agree with her, because in her mind if i disagree then i do not believe or trust her.



Moondust
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29 Jun 2013, 2:27 pm

This is who she is at this stage in her life, and you have to accept her the way she is, then decide if you want a friend like that. Otherwise, you come off as controlling, trying to change her, indeed judgemental.


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zarok
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29 Jun 2013, 4:32 pm

.... I don't really care to be honest but i seem to misunderstand alot of thinks due to my aspieness and then it enrages her its like i cant avoid our differences