Afraid of initiating contact and organizing activities

Post Reply New Topic

Hello all,

I have this thing were I crave social contact, but find it EXTREMELY diffcult to initiate contact with others. And I don't just mean initiating contact with strangers, I also mean contact with friends. For example, I hate to ask some of my friends to go do a drink on saturday night. I also hate to take the initiative in organizing a 'reunion' with my high school friends.
I don't know what sets me off. Perhaps on the one hand, it's the idea that I have the 'responsibility' over the situation. So if we go to a party, and I don't take charge or a have a 'tired moment' myself, I am afraid they will judge me for it. On the other hand, I am afraid they will reject me and will not want to spend time with me.

Does anyone recognize this?

What you are suffering from sounds like social anxiety.

Yeah, I know I have social anxiety.

I have social anxiety as well. I hardly ever initiate a conversation and even when I do it takes me a few minutes/hours/days to build the courage. Even though I have known the person for years and the topic is mundane and unimportant I will put it off sometimes indefinitely. I should say I am more likely to never mention it unless it is important. I find it is easier to talk once the conversation gets going.

I think this is one of the main reasons I can't make/maintain close friendships. People expect me to initiate, but I don't. I know I need to but I am terrified of doing so. I think it would be helpful if I could have someone help me invite people to do things gradually. Ex. The first step would be something like I go with the person helping me to ask another person to a restaurant. The next time, the person helping me goes with me as I ask the same person as before to a restaurant, allowing either the person helping me or the person I am asking to pick the restaurant. Each time the level of difficulty is increased slightly. This would help me a lot, and might be helpful for others with similar issues... I just need to figure out how to ask for help with this.