How does one overcome party-hosting phobia?

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Brianruns10
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16 Dec 2013, 1:53 pm

I feel compelled to want to have guests more often. My place gets too lonely and quiet, and I'd like to entertain.

But the prospect terrifies me.

Like, what if no one shows up? This has happened to me quite a few times before, and it was pretty upsetting. When I was a graduate student in an arts program, every weekend for several months I emailed all my classmates (around a dozen or so) with invitations to come by for drinks and to watch movies. Most of the time no one ever came. Only once or twice did anyone show up, and even then, it was just one.

Or what if they do, and they're disappointed? I love the place where I live, but I fear others will look down upon me, because it's not in the best part of town, it's an older place. And it's not so much fixed up for entertaining guests...I don't have room for a couch or anything, because much of the space is devoted to my work tables, for the various electrical projects I work on, or my stop motion animation studio. I just have a few folding papasan chairs....really not space for more than three or four guests. I'm afraid if I invite people over, or my coworkers, they'll lose respect for me because they'll see where I live and how I live.

And then, there is what to serve? It is so hard to please people of my generation, it seems, because everyone is on some diet, be it vegan or gluten free, and I just don't know enough about cooking with my picky tastes. I'm just inclined to order in a pizza for everyone, but that's only good for the first time, what then after that?

And then, the problem of drinks. I don't drink, I hate the taste of alcoholic beverages, or even sodas, and I don't keep any in stock. How can I throw a good party or be a good host unless I have wines or beers or something for them all? But I just don't know enough about it, nor can I afford to spend so much either.

I yearn to be more sociable, to better reach out to people, but I'm so damned scared about opening up my world to others, for fear of ridicule or rejection. How can I overcome these fears?



thewhitrbbit
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16 Dec 2013, 2:25 pm

They might equally be impressed by your art or your construction abilities. You could actually highlight some of your work.

Your right, you can't please everyone with food, but I also know as a person who is picky, I don't expect to be accommodated and I would ask a group to change their actions for me. Where I work, we order chinese a lot, I still eat with them, I just go down to the cafe and get some. I've found a lot of people are like that.



StuffedMarshmallow
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16 Dec 2013, 6:49 pm

You could just ask them beforehand what they would like to do if they came, that's what I did on my bday party and over 25 people came.

It be a little uncomfortable at first, but you could try starting the sentences with:
"Hey, if you were ever able to attend a party of mine, what would you like to _____?"

Ask them what they would like to drink, what they want to play, (board games? Video games? Computer games? Idk) and ask what movie they would like to watch.
I would guess people would be more likely to come if they had a part in choosing what you do.
Only ask your favorites about what movie to watch, unless you have loads of time obviously lol.

One thing that I did was I told everyone they could bring a friend or two. I told them they could do this in case they didn't know everyone there. It was kind of weird because there were people that came to my party I didn't even know but hey free presents lol.

I invited everyone over Facebook. I tried to sound as charming as possible, but without sounding cheesy.

When the party came, everyone wanted it to be a different theme. That wasn't a problem, I just made it multi-themed. Harry potter, Disney, dr who, supernatural, and Pokemon, it was a weird party but it worked out and one more thing,

When the party is over, message everyone that came and say something like:
"Man, I had SO much fun I am so glad you came to my party!! ! Seriously we need to do this again."
Because you aren't the only one worrying if people thought you were boring. They are worried about themselves too, and that will let them know you thought they were fun.

But that is just what worked for me. I'm not super good at this type of thing!!



OliveOilMom
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16 Dec 2013, 10:23 pm

If you don't drink, having people over for drinks is not a good idea. They know you don't drink so nobody is going to show up to party, which is why people usually go to people's houses for drinks. Invite them for food. You eat. Invite them for a movie and dinner. You have a way to show a movie on something.

Start with two or three people. Tell them it's only going to be two or three people. That ups the pressure to tell you for real if they are coming and to actually decide to come. Tell them it's for dinner and a movie. Tell them what you will be serving and what ya'll will be watching. This makes it sound more real and not just some idea for maybe doing something. Tell them "I'm having a two or three people over Saturday night for pizza and to watch "The Help". Wanna come?" Or whatever you are serving and showing. Ask them two weeks in advance. In other words, never ask them for the coming weekend.

Alternatively, you can do what I did and make a friend who is a big time partyer. Tell him to invite people over. Hide your valuables. They will show up. Do not expect civilized and cerebral conversation. Don't get mad when something gets broke.