not fond of family gatherings

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*Not sure if this is the right area to post this in, but since it might have to do with social skills.....would be interested to know if others here feel the same way about family stuff*

The simplest way to explain this is that while I do love my family members, I've not always been very into attending family gatherings, and as an adult, still feel as though I'm "pushed" into going......my mom tends to get bent out of shape if I don't want to get involved with something. (I think its because I'm living at home again, she doesn't do this with either of my siblings)

It's hard to get into all the details of exactly why I'm not so into these gatherings, but I think these would be the three biggest reasons:

- There's a major age difference between myself and my cousins, so I didn't really have anyone to hang out with when growing up. (they're all younger than me, so they related better to my siblings because they were closer in age)

- when I got pregnant, it was very awkward because I don't think my relatives wanted to explain to their kids why I was having a baby when I wasn't married, to this day I don't know what my cousins were told, but my daughter's father has always been something which is NOT talked about at family gatherings.

- when I started working at the library, I wasn't always able to attend family gatherings, and when I did go, work was usually the first (and sometimes only) subject my older relatives wanted to talk to me about. And it was very difficult to get them to bring up another topic around me.

Social event of any kind is hard for me, but family events can make me anxious. sometimes I just feel invisible. I feel like they are all talking, lauging and having a great time. Im just not a part of it. Other times people ask my stupid questions about work (that is even harder now that I dont have a job anymore) I always end up feeling like..well like I just want to die! So you are not alone. If you ever figure out how to skip the family events without hurting anyone..please teach me!

I survive through family gatherings by one of the following:

1. Always sitting next to my grandfather. (My preferred choice - has basically been my father figure of choice all my life)
2. Watching a football game (easy to do since my family knows I love American football, but only works when there's a game on!!)
3. Withdrawing to play a videogame (harder to justify at age twenty - plus I can't afford subscriptions anymore to the games I like)
4. Being a sarcastic little butt in a nice way in order to make people laugh. (Works as I'm getting older. I'm never afraid to be sarcastic though I hate it since deep down I'm not sarcastic, but a kindly individual.)
5. Eating very slowly to avoid conversation. (My grandmother hates when people try to talk to someone who is chewing their food as she thinks it encourages people to talk with their mouth full.)
6. Zone out in thought. (This is extremely tolerated as it was my preferred method for most of my childhood though I don't like doing it as it feels rude to me.)

I don't love my family, but I don't hate them. I care about them, but I don't know how to communicate with them (except my grandfather). I hate to miss family gatherings though because they won't be around forever.

I refuse to participate in the act of gift exchange at Christmas simply because I don't. Eli's e it's a worthwhile thing to do I am an anti capitalist Environmentalist. Every year my family tries to make me feel guilty for thIs and ridicule my beliefs. I am already being asked if I will not be buying presents again this year and told how embarrassing it is. By the way I also specify that I don't want any gifts from them either. I don't mind being different from my family I just hate it when they wont accePt me as different and try to change me. Yeah family events are horrible

My Aunt talks like there's no tomorrow, so I'm never short of conversation when I go to hers.

I find family stuff easier because everyone chats really easily. There's not much pressure to talk, and if I haven't seen some family members in a while they ask me questions about my life which are easy to answer. There's usually reminiscing about funny stories, which also makes it easier.

The main problem I have with family stuff is that there's a big split in my family due to me being trans. My aunties and uncles and cousins etc are all fine with it, but my parents and brothers not so much. I haven't spoken to my brothers in years, so Christmas, which used to be a family occasion, is now split and I spend it at my Aunty's. If family members from elsewhere come to visit, there's usually two gatherings; one for me, one for my family, which sucks.

Well I'm not all that social in general and really dislike small talk, so any big social gathering is a nightmare for me really. Fortunately in terms of big family gatherings I haven't had to go to one in three years. There's usually only one of those if someone has got married or died. It usually consists of talking to people you don't know or haven't seen in years and make nice like you are all one big happy family. Lot of superficial nonsense for me. Plus, the vast majority of my family are much different from myself so there isn't a lot of desire for me to talk to them to begin with.

Are all of your family heavily religious or something? Only reason I can think of for strongly opposing this. The fact of the matter is this quite a common occurrence in modern society and it isn't anything to be ashamed of. I wouldn't feel too comfortable at your family gatherings either if they are that judgmental.

I hate them and haven't went to them as an adult. My parents and grandparents try to guilt me for it.

There are many reasons I don't like them. For example,

I don't like socialization in general.
When I was selectively mute I didn't speak to any of them outside of my immediate family and a few cousins, so I'm not very familiar with most of them.
A number of them are quite disagreeable people. I don't think I "love" any of them.
They're loud.
They're boring.
It's hard to breathe in muggy rooms full of people.
My routine!
I can't eat around people, so it's weird when they're eating.
People touch you.
Small talk.
None of them want to hear about computers.

I too feel anxious and invisible around my family, some more than others. I do love them though, there are some fine individuals in my family, even if I don't talk to them...very often... The folks with greater degrees of maturity probably have all the clues to the nature of my anti-socialness from my mother, so I don't think they're all that hurt, I hope they aren't, and the ones who are abrasive/closed to my immediate family and I probably don't give me much thought.

I used to attend all functions and events until few years ago.

Then there was a relationship breakdown and i went into deep depression. During that depressive phase i became aggressive and stopped answering phone calls, spoke rudely and cut off with everyone including my mom, brother, in laws

But after 3 years i started feeling better and i rekindled with my mom and brother but the relationship is not the same anymore i still dont feel like talking with them.

I cant stand social functions, people, crowds, small talks and inquisitive questions...

I dont even want to know on facebook what they are doing or where they are going......

i want to be left alone.

While I'm not trans, I can relate to the part that you get along with your aunts, uncles, and cousins better than your parents and brothers. I've always been that way since I was a small child. Hated my parents and brother to the point where my mother would send me off every weekend to an aunt and uncle or my grandparents.

I used to love family gatherings when I was a child. I looked forward to them so much and even drew pictures of us at family gatherings because I was looking forward to it so much. But now, I seem to avoid them (which I do feel bad about, for myself and for the person who arranged it). All my cousins (including me) are grown up now, and it's just not the same. We don't see each other from one year to the next, I've got nothing to say to anyone any more, and they're (of course) all into parties and drinking, as usual. So that's all they have in common with and that's all they talk about. Also they bring their boy/girlfriends along, who I don't know and don't really want to know, and so there's no point in me going.

There's always a cousin there who has the same interests as I do. I usually just hang out with them.

Family gatherings are very stressful for me.......they are social events after all.....

On this point, I can understand why you wouldn't want to go to family gatherings. It seems that you think your family are judging you for having a baby out of marriage. As someone else said, this doesn't matter in this day and age, unless your family are deeply religious or from a traditional non-western culture. Are you absolutely sure that they are judging you? What is the evidence that they are judging you? You are not a mind reader to know that the family is judging you unless they have made remarks. It seems that they are accepting you at the family gathering, and talking to you also. Ask someone you trust in the family, as to whether the rest of the family are judging you, if you're not sure.

Generally speaking, ex-boyfriends and ex-partners are taboo subjects in many families. This is because many families to do not like anger and other negative emotions to be expressed at family gatherings.

Generally speaking, older people like to dominate the conversation with their own topics. Very few will have a good conversation with you.

Having said all that, if you really don't like family gatherings, then don't go. Practice your little white lies like "I'd love to come, but I'm so tired after work. I'd probably fall asleep in the chair"

If white lies don't work, go to the family gathering and really embarass your mother, so she doesn't encourage you to go next time.

Or else, make a regular commitment such as a sporting club for your daughter so that you are always busy on the weekend.

Make time to catch up with your favourite relatives individually, rather than altogether.

I am not to keen on family gatherings as i just do not fit in no matter how hard i try.

I hate being asked about if I have a job yet. I also feel invisible cause after a certain point I stop talking and start just smiling and nodding and and drive myself insane when I do that. I just can't think of anything to talk about or anything I do have to say I just know is going to be like, weird or crazy or something...

One time I asked my grandma if she followed the Pope (she's catholic and says that I'm catholic) and she said in a higher pitched but not quite yelling voice, something about how he's a jerk and whatnot.

Family gatherings also make me want to die.

I feel like my extended family is not allowed to really know me because of things that my mom would rather not have them know. Like, I smoke weed. My mom's aunt called and I was a bit stoned and I NEVER see her, so she was saying her name and I could not think of who she was!! But I can't just go and say, "Sorry, Aunt _____ I never see you and I was stoned, so that's why I didn't know who you were on the phone. I'm a piece of s**t."