How do you stop yourself from one-sided conversations?

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I've spent my entire life treating social engagement as a science, and because of that I have an automatic social and mental script for just about everything and in small doses, I feel like I can generally come off as NT if nothing catches me off guard.

I've gotten pretty good over the years at engaging others about the things that they want to engage in. I do this by treating their interests like a science as well, so I listen, and ask the kinds of questions I want them to engage me with on my interests. I do this selfishly though so I don't feel guilty about discussing my passions... in every ... minute... detail.

It feels like a compulsion. It's like the only way to satisfy it, is to keep talking about it. If that only made the compulsion stop and I could feel satisfied. I can fairly quickly guage when people are starting to check out, but very little of me actually cares. It feels like the only way I can "feel" a connection with someone, is if they understand to it's fullest the thing that I care about.

I can recognize almost immediately when sharing becomes an internal, anxiety ridden compulsion, but I haven't developed the tools to stop myself all the time (only shorten/summarize what I want to say). When I do stop myself, realize that someone is uninterested, or am cut off, I find that I feel deeply dismissed and not understood, mixed with frustration (since the "compulsion" was not satisfied), despite rationally knowing that the person did not do anything wrong and also knowing that covering a topic of interest to the smallest detail does not provide connection.

I've learned to, when cut off, smile and say "oh yeah, sorry!" and move on without a hint of my internal conflict, but it doesn't stop it from being a generally awful experience multiple times a day.

Anyone else experience this, and what did you do about it?

I have as well, treated it like a science. It is almost a compulsion and occupies a lot of my thoughts. That's a good tip on thinking about what you would want to be asked to ask them.

I have this experience only with people I care about and can actually open up to which is a very small crowd. Sometimes I think it is because I talk slowly and monotonously. Do you do that?

Also, I have found it helps to try to engage them in your interests. This is very difficult but for example if you ask them questions about your interests to keep the conversation going? Or maybe you could also try to think about the long term relationship with them more - so if you don't talk about everyhthing at once you can talk to them more about it later? Just some ideas, hopefully it is a little helpful. I know sometimes brainstorming with others helps people who treat things as a science!

I am very guilty of asking people lots of questions.

I do it because I don't like to talk about myself, I would rather hear about them.

I tend to get on very well with self absorbed people.

That is a good point! Do those relationships last long however?

No. I've never been a one for keeping in contact with people.

I usually try to follow the "one fact rule." I usually try to ask the person I'm talking to what they think of my interest. If they don't seem interested I look for something else to talk about. If they do seem interested I will tell them one short fact about my interest. If they respond and add their own comments about it I might tell them more. If they change the subject I try to let it be. I usually prefer to talk about my interests on the internet because there aren't as many consequences if I annoy people.

I think maybe this gets easier with age and practice. I used to struggle with this horribly. I'd be going on and on while thinking, "Shut up, shut up, shut up!" Now if I realize I'm doing it, I think, "SHUT UP!" Then I stop, maybe say one sentence to wrap it up or maybe not, and immediately follow up with a question, possibly on an entirely different topic, to get someone else talking. Then I sit there and resolve to keep my mouth shut beyond one or two sentences as responses. It has taken many, many years for me to be able to do this.