Mother stressing me out...

Post Reply New Topic

Hello... this is a really personal problem.
I tried to forget about this issue but whenever I see my mother, I can't help but feel the urge to cry.

I'm 17 years old, diagnosed with aspergers and paranoid schizophrenia and for my whole life, my mom makes me feel uncomfortable. I have a history of getting physically and emotionally abused growing up. Everyday, she tells me that it is my fault that I have schizophrenia because I am bi-sexual and god punishes me for it. Whenever the voices and hallucinations bother me a lot, I cry sometimes and she gets angry at me when I cry and yells at me for a very long time and doesn't leave me alone. Yelling makes me feel uncomfortable. A hug would be nice from her when I am crying but instead she yells at me and tells me to stop when I can't help but hear the voices.

...A situation happened where I got sexually abused and she always mentions that incident and uses it against me, saying it was all my fault and I deserved it.

She is also upset that I don't have a lot of friends. She says I humiliate her because I only have 4 friends. It's hard for me to talk to people and connect but she just doesn't understand... I don't need a lot of friends to be happy, if anyone at all, but she keeps throwing me in church clubs and meetings with people I feel so uncomfortable being around. It's so stressful... and I don't know why.

My heart was permanently broken by her the night she told me that I have aspergers and schizophrenia because I am bi-sexual and god is punishing me with disorders. All that I have left for her is the pieces of my broken heart that she broke a million times. I am lost... I try so hard to be the best I could be. I care about people and often put their needs before mine. I make art that express love and kindness. What am I doing wrong that makes my mother upset everyday? I'm not worried that she hurts me, but rather that I'm hurting her by being who I am...

your mother is horribly bigoted and abusive. you are doing nothing to hurt her. she chooses to be offended by things that you have no control over. she chooses belittling over support. it is never a child's fault when they are sexually abused. i hope you have other people in your life who let you know how worthwhile you are. you seem to be a truly nice person. you deserve better treatment.

A big portion of parents seem to get really mentally bent if they think that their 20 minutes of horny, lust filled, semi-dirty, unprotected, drunken sex (which has nothing to do with it except for producing guilt about their 'naughtiness' and demonstrating that most pregnancies are not prefaced by tons of responsible pre-planning) is followed by a child that isn't eight times more perfect than Jesus Christ.

They seem to take it as an "incredible and undeserved" personal insult, and oh-so-many need to blame ANYONE (the other parent, God, the child itself, government, fluoride, gluten, television, society, vaccinations) rather than accepting that God didn't pop outta heaven and say, "Jesus who? This is my REAL baby now!"
Or accepting that it's just barely possible that a completely untrained and inexperienced parent (themselves) might have dropped the ball once (or maybe twice) in the 9,861,750 minutes between conception and 18th b-day.

It's like a post-infant-paranoia brought on in many parents, to hunt for all the ways their 3 year-old might be less perfect than a wise and athletic adult the age of their own father.
"Little Billy makes really bad decisions in automobiles at age three! A batmobile is completely wrong for a future family, and way too expensive for the income he's going to have if he doesn't smarten up! This comes from your side of the family you know, remember the car your brother bought 20 years ago, the spare tire was nearly flat! OMG he's such a loser."

Many can't seem to accept that their child is a normal kid, meaning there's doubtlessly some great things about them (that need nurtured) and there's going to be some rough things about them.
This is inevitable and normal!

Even the most theoretically perfect person to have ever lived managed to piss-off so many people in just 3 short years that they had to nail him to a tree without even doing a very good job of covering their own as*es first, that's how angry he managed to make them while trying to be a nice guy.

It's like an acquired insanity: Post Reproductive Progeny-Hyperperfectionism Disorder

My mother believes in god too. One day she got me so angry that I told her she might get to heaven but it remained to be seen wether they would open the pearly gates for her. I reckon she took it in, it was a few years back now but she seems to have become more accepting of my 'differences' since.