Needing to rehearse what you say

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For as long as I can remember I've had a tenancy to rehearse what I'm going to say before I say it. More often this is in the case when I have to go to a party and know I'm going to have to make small talk with people I don't know so I make sure I've thought of some stuff before hand, but it also covers me just running a though through my head in conversation seconds before I say it. I've always done this as I know I have trouble thinking of things to say, so I've assumed that if I already have a little script I should be okay.

I'm now starting to wonder if this is more of a hindrance to me. I've started to notice that when I've done this all that happens is I end up saying all these thoughts at the start, none turn in to conversation, people don't respond as I'd thought/hoped and then I spend the rest of the evening in silence. I'm also wondering if by relying on this I'm not practicing spontaneous conversation (as I'm worried I'll say something stupid) so get worse at that and then when I'm in that situation it goes wrong and fuels my original thoughts that I'm not good at conversation.

Does anyone else do this? I want to try and change this, but I'm finding it hard to break the pattern as I still try and get all my thoughts out in one go.

Anyone use any different methods or have some techniques that will get you more involved in the conversation? Or does anyone find that preparing their conversation actually helps them more than if they say things more spontaneously? I'm wondering if I didn't do this would I be more in tune with the people talking and then more naturally find things to say.

Whenever I have to call somewhere, go to the doctor or other important meeting, or when I said something out loud in class back in school, I always practiced it in my head before I said it/ called/ went.

When I have specific things to say, I think it's helpful. Spontaneous often means messing up for me.

In social situations that happens to me all the time. I seldom rehearse for that unless there are particular individuals I wish to try to talk to, but that's very rare, and even the few times I have tried to rehearse for that I haven't been any good at coming up with anything. I usually can't come up with anything to say in most cases, so I stay quiet most of the time. I only see it as a problem if I actually wanna talk to someone. most people I am more than happy not to talk to.


If you feel that way, why don't you just try and see how it goes?

Yeah if I'm just informing somebody of something then I agree that it's good to have practiced it before hand so you say what you want to say, it's just in the other areas where it doesn't really matter what you say I find I'm struggling more.

I have started to try and do some experiments, it's just I'm finding it hard to break the habit, so I think it's good to hear other people's ideas as well. I'm hoping it'll just take time rather than I'm stuck this way, but I just don't know.

Not only do I have to rehearse what I have to say before I go somewhere, I repeat the entire conversation to myself over and over and over for about the next week., worrying I have said something that has offended or insulted whoever I had the misfortune of having had to speak to.

I also do it. I especially think about what I could say in small talk situations. For example I know that my colleague often asks what I did last weekend or a day ago. Before I meet her I think about my weekend and judge what could be interesting or what I want to tell. Then I think about the sentences to tell her those experiences. I also prepare an answer to the typical weather related small talk conversations depending on the weather I see before I meet her.
When I have to call someone and want the person to do something or to answer a question I often have my version of the conversation in my head and tend to say everything what I rehearsed until I finished my script.This often leads to confusion beause the other person sometimes can´t follow me and has to say: "Stop, can you speak not so fast and can you repeat this?" I just didn´t plan that the other person could have problems with what I say and I tend to tell all information rather fast when I want an unconfortable call to be short.
Although this example shows that this habit can cause problems I think it helps me, too because when I don´t think before I say something it´s more likely that I am rude unintentionally. The rehearsal helps me to think about it and I can find a good way to say something because I can try different sentences or even different ways to pronounce a word in my head before I finally say something.

I do this. Even the most basic stuff like ordering food at a restaurant, I rehearse how to place my order, what the server might say, how I might respond, etc. If I'm doing something where the interaction isn't quite so scripted, I will spend days leading up to it rehearsing every possible thing I can think of.

I also spend days afterward replaying the conversations trying to puzzle out what the other person's reaction was, if there was something I could have done better, etc.

I was told last week that I will be acting as the technical interviewer for a few applicants we will be interviewing next week. At this point, I've probably put a good ten hours of thought into what I'm gonna ask, how to ask it, what their responses might be, how I would respond, follow-up questions, the list goes on.

I hate this about me. I constantly rehearse everything and normally end up beating it to death by the time I actually try to communicate it. If it's in real time, like if I'm at a gathering trying to say something to someone there, I often miss the chance to talk because I waste all my time rehearsing in my mind. If I'm wanting to call someone or talk about something the next time I see him/her, it comes out so fragmented and unnatural by the time I get it out because I have just beat it to death rehearsing. It seems that the first time I practice, it always sounds so clear, natural, and complete. But everytime I practice, it just gets worse and worse. The problem is that when I don't keep recalling what I want to say, I end up forgetting and missing the opportunity to inquire or communicate when I see the person. I really need to learn how to not obsess over what I want to say and be able to just come up with it when the time comes.

Well at least I know I'm not the only one who does this. I also have the problem of over analysing a conversation even though there's not much I can do to change it and I don't really know what the person was thinking, so can't be sure I'm interpreting it right anyway.

Banana247, that is exactly what I've noticed which is why I'm trying to see if I can change my habit. Quite often I miss my chance t talk doing this as well, but as I've got the thought in my head sometimes I still say it anyway even though the conversation has moved on. This often results in the conversation dying out and me feeling awkward again.

I used to custom create entire dialogues according to the situation. The problem with this approach was that when it came time to "perform" my dialogue, the other person would say something completely unexpected, and it would throw the entire script off. That was when the awkward silences began and sometimes didn't end. I found that I could compromise between rehearsing "scripts" and speaking spontaneously by writing a list of topics to talk about, rather than exact phrases/words. While having an arsenal of phrases to use is handy in some situations like greetings and small talk, it feels forced in a conversation, and the person you're talking to will pick up on that.

That's how the vast majority of my interactions go, and that's without a set script.

That´s a great idea! I already did it sometimes, but only if I knew a person very well and was aware what topics I could talk about with this person. Maybe I should try it more often.