Do any of you feel like an outsider?

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Whenever I am out in a social gathering, my inability to understand sarcasm, non-verbal cues, and facial expressions, makes it hard for me to socialize. I honestly long to be on the inside but I end up failing and being isolated

It's near impossible for me to make small talk and socialize so I don't even try anymore. There will be no picnics for me, no fireworks, no outings, no BBQ's in the park, nothing. I've always been an outsider at social gatherings, an outcast who ends up standing aside by himself talking to no one. So I don't go out anymore. Waste of time.

I can generally understand what is being conveyed in social situations IF I can hear it... which I often can't... because I can't filter a single voice out in a noisy room. Not sure if it is a problem with my hearing or a problem with my brain or what... but I can't isolate one person's speech from the background noise unless it has a very distinct pitch to it (which often means I can hear one person talking and not anyone else in the area). My hearing is like trying to take pictures in the dark with a camera. YOU might be able to see it, but the camera can't see a damned thing.

But even then I often can't participate... because there tends to be some sort of underlying "talk order" in any group where everyone takes their turn and I am completely omitted.
Literally any situation other than a simple one-on-one discussion between myself and another person will result in my being cut out of the conversation completely while the other two/more just talk at each other. And if I try to say my piece, I just get ignored and talked over.
I don't bother trying much any more. Especially given the few times I've just got pissed off and snapped at people for purposefully omitting me and talking over the top of me when I try to get a word in edgeways.

So yeah.
For all my relatively good grasp of understanding what people are trying to convey... I'm doomed to be nothing more than a witness... and not a very good one at that.

Yes, so much so that last night when I left I left a text message and and an email saying to never expect to see me again. These are old friends who I have not seen until recently for about 6 years. I am 32 years old in a matter of weeks and all they do is sit around, smoking weed, listening to simplistic repetitive music, watch cheesy sci-fi films or conspiracy documentaries, play garbage games like Call of Duty and what not. And every one is sat around with there head in a gadget, either a phone or a tablet. And every thing is so negative all the time, I regret meeting up with them again. I'd sooner stay at home alone, drink a fine red wine, listen to some Stravinsky, gorge on Cart D'or ice cream and read some Kafka or Dostoevsky. And not be around toxic smoke. I have a few other options when it comes to socialising but after spending so much time in isolation I have become some what of a selfish snob. I think I will have to work on improving some personal qualities. It's a shame because some of the people there are really nice, it;s just they seemingly desire the gutter and I detest it.

I attended an outing yesterday, at a friend?s house with my family. There were 15 people there (including 8 adults and 7 children). I have known most of the people there for many years (most of the adults were my wife?s friends). I pretty much didn?t engage in small talk with anyone. Mostly, because I didn?t know what to say. I tried to think of topics to bring up. But, my mind went blank. I knew that my favorite topics were of no interest to others.

So, I mostly sat there and listened intently to the various conversations as they flowed like a stream from topic to topic. Occasionally, I would have a comment on one of the topics (particularly, something that I had interest in). But not too often. Mostly, I just sat and listened. At one point, my younger daughter said, ?Dad, you are being anti-social?. But, I was closely paying attention to what people were saying. Even if it was not always interesting. The time passed quickly enough. And, soon I was home. I considered that a successful social outing.

After I got home last night, I wondered if my ?participation? in the evening was considered socializing because I said so little. I am pretty certain, at this point, that I don?t understand what the word ?socialize? actually means.

Feeling like an outsider and not being good at smalltalk is par for the course, no big deal, it comes with the territory.

I think that people think we are being anti-social because they do not understand our perspective. It's not that we don't want to join in, its because we don't know how to, and are anxious because of that.

I think that we can get better at smalltalk over time, but it does take effort on our part and understanding on other peoples part. I have found that there are people who are happy to be friends with you, but it can take a bit of time for them to realise you are not stuck-up and anti-social, but just rather quiet in social gatherings.

Now I do think that Rocket123 DID socialise at the outing, but also understand that there were people who would have thought that he did not.

There are things we are not good at. We can get better if we try, but we are what we are!!

Cheers

For me, I was not at all anxious in this ?large group? setting. I simply did not know what to say. I tried to come up with some topics to discuss, but nothing seemed appropriate. It would have been easier if this were a work meeting. Then, I could talk about work topics. But, these unstructured situations are entirely different. It it amazes me how people can just come up with something to talk about and exchange in a volley of conversation so effortlessly.



I believe you are correct. Though, honestly, I am glad I don?t have to do it too often. It?s too much work. I can think of other things I would prefer to spend my time doing.

That sounds like auditory processing disorder.

I have an understanding of the things I bolded and I still can't socialize.

Well, aren't I just a barrel of issues?

Y'know... this reminds me of one time when I first met another Aspergian in a pub I used to frequent.... and it ended with having a conversation on a notepad, passing messages back and forth despite being seated directly adjacent.
It just seemed like the logical progression since both of us had been sitting there twiddling pens... that we brought for the express purpose of twiddling. I wish I could say that getting into a pen-stimming competition with a complete stranger in a pub is the weirdest thing I've done, but I really can't.

I sometimes feel like that I don?t fit in particular social groups and I find it hard to mix with other people.

It helps when you explain to the people you're with at that time, that you have trouble with those social cues. At least some of them will then be understanding of your situation, and will probably be forthcoming and accomodating to your social insecurity. That has been my experience, at least.

We each and all of us have our flaws, when the people we wish to hang out with and talk to for an extended period of time know about these flaws, it will make it easier to get closer to one another and be mutually understanding.

I feel like an outsider all the time, and it doesn't matter how long I've known people. I can get comfortable with people and be myself, but it doesn't change the fact that I have no friends.

I don't allow the concept of "an outsider" to become a "self fulfilling prophecy". With practice (for lack of a better word), many people with Aspergers can gauge (by second nature) social environments through osmosis, hence "when in Rome, do as the Romans do (as the old saying goes)!"

After awhile, it becomes less relevant to be overly concerned with 'outsiders' and 'insiders' - It's often best to remain neutral, and observe, as well as listen; with or without friends.

Yes.

I am not outsider, people just aren't good enough for me