Empathy and Expressing Illogical Emotion

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As an aspie this is one thing I really can't get my head around and I'm wondering if anyone else can explain it in a logical way that I can understand instead of the normal, "Just because" answer most people get.

I'm very good at sympathy. It comes very very easy to me. However, I either don't really understand what empathy is and why anyone would want it or I have it but it's really haywire in my brain. So I guess we can sort what I have difficulty understanding in parts:

1. From what I understand empathy is feeling the emotion of another person when they are feeling it. But when I have negative feelings, the last thing I would want is for other people to feel how I'm feeling. So why do people want other people to be empathetic instead of just being sympathetic to what I'm going through? It's like if I had to hold something hot for someone; I want them to understand I'm holding something hot but I don't want them to endure the same discomfort. They don't need to almost be burned to have a grasp on my situation and respect it.

2. People say I'm not really empathetic because I don't seem to have "in the moment" empathy. However when I'm by myself, if I think about a situation that would invoke strong emotions, I will have the emotions. I seemingly can conjure an emotion by thinking about a situation, but when I'm with people where I'm expected to be empathetic, #1 takes over in my brain and blocks both the feeling and the expression. Are the situations where I'm by myself though considered empathy then? The feeling is coming from something hypothetically situational, not actual.

3a. I know this is a manifestation of my Aspie-ness but it hands down is one of my most perplexing thing about NTs: Why do NTs not only express but also feel entitled to express illogical emotions (illogical in their own minds)? Contrary to public belief, I share the same emotional spectrum as anyone else; however, I consciously choose never to express ones that I can't explain the background of. I can always tell someone why I'm feeling a certain way (usually with great detail). However, normal people often will express emotions and when asked why they're feeling that way will only say "just because" or "I don't know". Why do they feel entitled to do that though? They're just being a burden without giving the people they're affecting a chance to understand why they have endure the fallout of your emotional state. Personally, I would feel mortified if I knew that was going on.

3b. As a follow-on to 3a, this question is for other Aspies. Do you find that when you're having an emotion that is logically justified, it seems to be far more intense in expression than NTs? Just curious.

Thanks for any thoughts!

Emotions, by their very nature, are frequently illogical.

I've been accused, many times, of being unempathetic. There are times when empathy does not "show up" when it is required to "show up." It only comes later, after a bit of thought.

Sometimes, in certain situations, one must use one's "logical" faculties, rather than let their emotions hold sway.

I am one, though, that does not believe that "logic" necessarily leads to "truth."

I didn't mean that by logical I meant truth, I meant as in explainable. You can tell someone why you feel a certain way, the logic behind it. I don't understand why people burden others by expressing feelings they themselves do not understand. That seems both selfish and unfair.