How to convince my parents to let me be friends with her?

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MonsterCrack
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15 Sep 2015, 5:45 pm

My parents are divorced, btw, so my father is distant. I only talk to him for 15 minutes on the phone every other day and see him in my city once every 2 months. I'm 16 and a guy, and my friend is 12-13 and a girl. I see her at my mosque/Turkish cultural center, but he told me that when I go there for Eid I should stay away from the girls (due to my history. ) I told him I was friends with a 13 year old girl, and he said a boy my age can never be friends with a girl that age, while my mom refuses to acknowledge that I'm friends with Amina and refuses to let me go to her house or let her come to my house. She says I can only see her at the mosque. Right now, Amina is my only friend, and my parents are making it difficult... what to do?



kraftiekortie
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15 Sep 2015, 6:22 pm

Make friends with someone your own age.



MonsterCrack
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15 Sep 2015, 6:25 pm

I go to an alternative school with 4 problem boys, making friends my own age is NOT an option, kraftirkortie.



kraftiekortie
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15 Sep 2015, 6:33 pm

You seem like a smart kid. Can't you make friends with somebody at a mosque social or something?

Is your alternative school within a bigger school? If so, maybe you could join a political club at the school. Just don't rant about politics while at the club.



MonsterCrack
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15 Sep 2015, 6:37 pm

All the girls my age at my mosque either avoid me, hate me, of can't see me due to gender segregation and strict parents' rules... also, some boys either hate me of dislike me while others, well, conversation with them is bland and boring and doesn't lead anywhere. Believe me, I've tried.... my neighbors are all little children....



Feyokien
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15 Sep 2015, 6:48 pm

MonsterCrack wrote:
My parents are divorced, btw, so my father is distant. I only talk to him for 15 minutes on the phone every other day and see him in my city once every 2 months. I'm 16 and a guy, and my friend is 12-13 and a girl. I see her at my mosque/Turkish cultural center, but he told me that when I go there for Eid I should stay away from the girls (due to my history. ) I told him I was friends with a 13 year old girl, and he said a boy my age can never be friends with a girl that age, while my mom refuses to acknowledge that I'm friends with Amina and refuses to let me go to her house or let her come to my house. She says I can only see her at the mosque. Right now, Amina is my only friend, and my parents are making it difficult... what to do?


What is your history?



MonsterCrack
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15 Sep 2015, 6:51 pm

My history, feyokien, is being pushy. One word. Pushy.



progaspie
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15 Sep 2015, 6:56 pm

I know it's tough coming from a divorced home, but at your age, I really wouldn't go against what your parents are saying. Both your parents are giving you the same advice, I would be thinking because of the age difference between you and Amina and due to the cultural factors of your religion at the mosque. Can't you work on developing friendships closer to your own age? The worse thing you can do is abandon your parent's advice and do your own thing. Even if you disagree with what your parents are telling you, you need to keep the dialogue going with your parents in the hope that your parents might change their minds and allow you to see this girl.



Feyokien
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15 Sep 2015, 6:57 pm

MonsterCrack wrote:
My history, feyokien, is being pushy. One word. Pushy.


Yes, but please explain how being "pushy" as you put it equals your parents thinking it's a bad idea for you to be friends with a younger girl, or is it just girls in general that your parents don't want you to be friends with? Sorry to pry but this actually seems to be the root of your problem and you're not making it very clear what it is.



MonsterCrack
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15 Sep 2015, 7:05 pm

Feyokin my dad doesn't want me to be friends with girls period, but my mom doesn't want me being friends with younger girls, but has allowed some slack in supervised time with Amina she is also at times, against me being friends with girls in general. But doesn't really do anything about it.



Feyokien
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15 Sep 2015, 7:12 pm

MonsterCrack wrote:
Feyokin my dad doesn't want me to be friends with girls period, but my mom doesn't want me being friends with younger girls, but has allowed some slack in supervised time with Amina she is also at times, against me being friends with girls in general. But doesn't really do anything about it.


Yes I understand that, but why? You said it had something to do with your history? What history? What do you mean by being pushy? Or is it mostly a cultural thing? Unless you tell us what, none of us can give you any meaningful answers as we don't know the root of your problem.



kraftiekortie
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15 Sep 2015, 7:14 pm

I wish there was a way to calm you down somehow. I was hyper as a kid, too---and it got me nowhere.

You seem to do lots of reading. Why don't you glory in your learning? Concentrate on your schoolwork, and trying to get out of the "alternative" class.

Don't be a snob about it---but tell yourself you're smart....too smart to let a girl affect you so much.

You had expressed doubts about Islam earlier--otherwise, I might have advised you to study Islam further. Maybe go into the Sufism.



MonsterCrack
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15 Sep 2015, 7:20 pm

Feyokien, I was pushy by coming on too strong and by stalking. In the 8th grade, I was obsessed with a 5th grader. Kraftiekortie, I am still Muslim, I changed my mind a long time ago. Now what's this about sufism? I was actually considering salafism, but I suppose that would be too strict... do you know of any websites where I can LEARN about sufism? Also, my issue is not that I have bad grades, that's not why I go to my current school. My issue is anxiety.....



kraftiekortie
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15 Sep 2015, 7:24 pm

I didn't mean that you get bad grades...at all. I figured you got pretty decent grades.

I meant...concentrate on your schoolwork so your anxiety would lessen. That's exactly what I did...and it worked.

Sufism is all over the Internet. It's probably seen as being the most "liberal" of the sects of Islam.



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15 Sep 2015, 7:31 pm

MonsterCrack wrote:
Feyokien, I was pushy by coming on too strong and by stalking. In the 8th grade, I was obsessed with a 5th grader. Kraftiekortie, I am still Muslim, I changed my mind a long time ago. Now what's this about sufism? I was actually considering salafism, but I suppose that would be too strict... do you know of any websites where I can LEARN about sufism? Also, my issue is not that I have bad grades, that's not why I go to my current school. My issue is anxiety.....

Okay there you go, that wasn't so hard, no one is going to hate you here for that, you're still a kid. As long as you're not stalking this new girl I'd say play the waiting game, be friends at a distance, that's all you can do until your mother sees the idea as more fit. I don't think you can convince your mother at this point to okay the friendship because of the reason why and because of the age gap. Your father isn't really an issue since he isn't really present. Either wait or just let it go, it might hurt, but you're still pretty young and it will probably mean null in the long run.



Feyokien
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15 Sep 2015, 8:04 pm

The relationship will have a lot more validity with an age spread of 14 to 18 and more so the older you both get. It's considered socially acceptable for a high school senior to date a high school freshman. If you really think you care about this girl and she about you than wait.