why do some people just *want* to argue/conflict?

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not sure if this is an NT thing, or not....


i have had several conversations with this person who for some reason, just twists what i have said into something that is just so batsh*t insane that i couldn't possibly have meant it... then when i correct them, i have apparently contradicted myself etc.... then that makes me an idiot, etc then its my fault that that person twisted what i said. then i repeat word-for-word what i said originally, and "why couldn't i just say that at the beginning"


with this person, every conversation just HAS to be an argument, and the questions have to be dragged out so that a ten minute conversation turns into a two hour grilling. (with no more information being swapped, just 100 words instead of 10 type of idea...)



seriously perplexed ....



need help with this, if someone wants to PM me, as i dont want the full details archived by Gooogle for obvious reasons...

Egads, I have this all the time too.

What's worse is when people twist anything you say into an insult and have to be nasty back and then you're the a**hole when you were just trying to be nice.

Some people do it to troll.

Some people do it because they think they are right so they will do it to get their point across or until you agree with them. Some people are so black and white, they cannot accept a different opinion.

I can relate to what you say because this happens a lot at Babycenter with lot of people. It has happened to me too a couple of times. What I have learned is do not bother explaining yourself, people are too thick to realize they misunderstood you so when you make yourself clear, they say you contradicted yourself. It's talking to a brick wall so let them think whatever they want. It's best to ignore these people and not feed them and you won't have to waste your time with them. I assume this happened online somewhere.

I just don't bother with it, if someone tries to argue with me I just go "Ok I don't care, f**k off and cry somewhere else" It's really not worth the hassle of trying to explain yourself to an ignorant person.

It's not an NT thing...if anything, it just screams AS. I know a few people on the spectrum who are definitely like this. It's the black and white thinking in that they like things in a certain way and when something doesn't fit, they will challenge it, no matter how hard you try to talk them out of it.

When things start to escalate, I try not to take things personally or as an attack. I will focus less on being right and let the person have their say. Then I may even change topics. It's easier online because you can analyse what they are trying to say more, but in real life it is a lot trickier.

It's not an NT nor an AS thing. It's an insecurity issue, because that person doesn't want to face the fact that they could be wrong, and see anyone saying otherwise as attacking them. So, they'll turn it into an argument.

There are three types of chronic arguers mainly.

One will argue when they find the least little logical inconsistency, and they have to fight with you until you admit you're wrong. They're also the ones that get so internally worked up when someone disagrees, no matter how trivial, it's probably akin to physical discomfort. Like nails on a chalk board.

Then there are the ones that seek out conflict, and argue for the sake of it. They usually argue because they secretly enjoy watching you struggle to explain yourself, when you both know you're right anyway. These types, ironically, get offended to the point of becoming abusive if anyone does it to them. Before you know it, they're straight up insulting you. These are the worst if you ask me, because they're so hypocritical.

Third is all about ego. They get their identity wrapped up in being correct. You could be watching the sun set on the horizon, and they would insist that it's not west. They fight until they make themselves out to be idiots, but hey, at least their self esteem is afloat.

Stay away from them all, online or otherwise. Don't engage with emotionally-challenged weirdos like that. They're poison.

what really gets me is that online, some of these people hurl all the insults, personal attacks and slurs under the sun on you, then irl, they speak to you as if nothing happened...

Those people can be pretty annoying. I usually apologize for whatever they accused me of and try to avoid them.

I don't think it's an NT thing, check out PPR or the activism section of this site.

The person is a Narcissistic personality. run away fast. Other traits include blaming everyone else for faults. you feel crazy because once the person " trains you" to act a certain way ( by acting out) the person " changes the rules". you will never win because like arguing with a person who is drunk, the argument is irrational, bizzare, and a direct attack on you. I used to be married to one, long story short they get off on the word games by using ambiguous statements allowing them to always have an out. change your number and email and the best way to win this game is. don't play. good luck.