Refusing to make friends online

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I think there's something subconsciously stopping me from making meaningful friendships and relationships on the Internet. It's been this way for a couple of years now.

I interact with people on WP, and other forums. I have a great deal of respect for some members of each place, and at the very least curiosity, interest. I don't make topics about myself very often, or steer conversation into being about me. So while I thought it might have to do with my sense of ego, it probably isn't to do with ego at all.

Is it caution? Fear? What is it?
Because I really want to, and am perfectly capable of doing so but....at the same time it feels like I can't. I won't. I shouldn't.

Feel free to share any thoughts, opinions and web resources.
People in the same boat, you're more than welcome to chime in, too.

Fear of attachment, fear of betrayal, fear of heartbreak ? Did you make Internet friends in the past and if yes, did it end badly ?

That is what I would say, to. Sounds like fear. I've never made Friends on the Internet that I met IRL.

friends are a blasted nuisance. especially if they get attached and you have to pet them like attention starved labradors when you are busy.

i always disagree with people. their mindsets are not ones i identify with, and so i can not become involved in their worlds.

i never really know what their mindsets are, but i am sure it is all too much work to culture.

When I completely purged my Facebook account last year and told friends adamantly a new account was only for work and family, they didn't understand. And while they have my phone number, they simply don't ask if I wanna hang out by calling or texting me. They've "been trying to get hold of me for ages" they say. So I inquired as to how, seeing as they have my number. They said they have a lot of old ones, to which I replied "try calling them and see which one works?" and "you know where I live and where I work". Some also said "But i don't have Facebook"

And it seems my Internet acquaintances aren't much different. Much like these people, not only did they not share my views on almost anything (I had to get involved with their stuff but they never would with mine), they also were not willing to communicate via a messenger app that wasn't Facebook, and they didn't want to know about my life in conversation and would rather read it as a status. The more "boring" I attempted to make myself, the more people unadded me. While deliberate, I can't deny it was disappointing.

It also seems a lot the people I knew, offline and online, were mostly friends with me because I could be a number of things - their prop for jokes, their "lesser" wingman, the guy who wasn't as successful as they were in front of people at parties, the uglier guy. But when I stopped being all these things to my guy friends over the last 2 years, they ACTUALLY wanted to talk to me LESS! And scoffed at my life choices, despite the fact I made more money than them and enjoyed myself. Again this left me rather disappointed and eventually prompted me to separate the wheat from the chaff, and see who would bother to make any effort to hang out with me.

It turns out the circle dwindled to a handful of people, who unfortunately needed MY help, are unreliable, drain my financial and emotional resources.

It could well be that my reluctance to make friends online is a mere extension of why I refuse to do it in real life. Too many users, hangers on, fake successful people.

I completely agree with TheSpectrum. I had a similar experience after having my son. I was still going to trivia night at bars with my friends while I was pregnant, I just stopped drinking. But I guess my friends thought I would start drinking again after I had my son, and go to bars again? I warned them I wasn't going to do that, but they didn't get it, or care, I guess.

I still do lots of things where my friends could accompany me, and obviously they could also just come over to my house. But they all just slowly disappeared.

Who needs people like that?

I much prefer online friends.

TheSpectrum- there really isn't anything special you do when you make online friends. You notice someone online who seems to post about the same things you do and then you might end up quoting each other, giving each other props. You might talk directly or exchange email addresses so you can have side conversations. That's about it. No pressure. No scheduled coffee dates or worrying about who has replied in what timeframe.

Soc, maybe I should be thankful that I've removed bad numbers from the equation and give new faces the benefit of a doubt.

b9, I appreciate your approach. You're no doubt happier not wondering why and just letting go. I guess I posted that to help people maybe come to conclusions as to why I am the way I am about making friends, so that I could work on it.

Sounds like interested "friends". "Friends" who only accept you when you're happy and ready to conform to the idea of their ideal friend so they can use you to fulfill their social needs. As soon as you start diverging from their ideal friend idea, you can't fulfill their social needs as they want so they reject you. They're using you. They aren't people I'd call "friends". Thankfully not everyone is like that. Real friends accept you for who you are, even when you aren't a fantasy of their ideal friend. They're much harder to find, sadly, but they still exist

I think your best bet is to make friends online. Offline friends aren't really worth crap honestly but thats just my personal experience. Think of it this way, you don't have to deal with them anymore then on the internet. You don't have to visit, you don't have to go to lunch or any uselsss thing like that xD If you don't go out that much anyway then it works out perfect because while you talk to them everyday it practically serves all the purpose you need it to serve Then again thats up to you and what you decide to do, I'm only just throwing in my 2 cents.

Thanks for all the replies. I'm not ignoring the thread, I'm just assessing what to do.

I'd like to make new friends of all kinds, and maybe I should start posting in the games and movie boards again. I spend a lot of time talking about work, politics and social situations but very little time discussing my hobbies. Maybe I should start there and start having fun again.

Trying to make friends online has actually made me trust people less. I'd never been on forums before, but I thought it would be friendly and open and it isn't exactly. I don't do Facebook because I think it's fake. A bunch of people trying to outdo everyone else with how great their life really is when is probably the complete opposite. I was looking for people who would be like me - an open book and I didn't find that. Instead I found people who don't want to tell you their real first name, show a real picture of themselves, portray themselves as a man when they are a woman and vice versa and you can be talking to someone for a time and they drop you like yesterday's news and you never hear from them again. I don't understand it. It could be an Aspie thing. Maybe I talk too much small talk. I met my NT friend online and that lasted for a long while. He was a chatterbox. He was very social - a Gemini for those who believe in that. So far, I've struck out with Aspies on the friendship stuff, but I still stick around for the fun topics.

Maybe you don't see online people as "real" friends. For an online person to be a "real friend" for me, I would have to text with them, talk on the phone, send pictures and do "small talk" a few times a week. That's probably more than what Aspies are looking for.

I find it amusing that some people here are calling out people for not being 'real' friends because they seem to only be friends when it benefits them, and then some people here describing themselves as being exactly that type of friend.

I think you need to find what works for you friendship-wise.

For me, I would not start using another app besides facebook for people who weren't already very close to me. Then again, I'm not good at making new friends. At all. I seem to by and large to have grown friendships out of 'oh, you're friends with this friend of mine. You seem cool, ok, we can be friends too.'