Making up to a friend

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I did a really terrible thing to my best friend recently. I don't want to get into the details because it's a long story but basically I screwed her over for somebody else. It was for purely selfish reasons and I make no excuses for it.

Naturally she was very upset with me and I respect that she might never forgive me for what I did (or at the very least it will take quite a while before she feels able to talk to me again). I don't deserve forgiveness for being such a crummy friend and even though she knows I am remorseful it still hurts her knowing what I did. It might mean she won't want to be my friend anymore.

I have felt physically sick over what I did. I want to make it up to her but I don't think I can (at least not in a pragmatic way). I have already betrayed her trust and it will take a long time to rebuild that again (if I ever can).

I am prepared to do whatever it takes to earn her trust again. I just don't know if I have the strength to cope with what I did to her.

It feels like no matter what I do these days I'm just screwing up in every area of my life. My friends are slowly disappearing from my life (or rather I have disappeared from theirs) and not my closest friend doesn't trust me anymore.

I just feel so lost right now. All I want to do is make it right again but how do I redeem myself when I don't even have the opportunity to do so?

If someone isn't ready to talk, then you've done all you can if you're committed to being a better friend afterward. Part of the consequence of doing something hurtful is that you can't sweep it under the rug by doing something nice.

I hate the feeling of waiting as well and can struggle with smoothing things out. A good friend and I recently stopped talking over our arguments. I don't know what to say and neither do they, but I don't want to start a fight by approaching them.

Maybe someone else has more to say.

All you can really do is to apologize sincerely and let her decide about the rest. Maybe you can't be friends now, but it may change later in life.

Either way, apologizing would be good for both of you.

A. When wrong promptly admit it.

You've already done that.

B. Living amends by not repeating that action with others that are currently in your life.

C. Don't let it live rent free in your head.

D. Grieve the loss.

E. Help others.

1. If anything the ball in their court and it sounds like you need to give them room.
2. It sounds like you will learn from your mistake and bring that into your next group of friends.