How do I get somewhere socially?

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It has just occurred to me that my social skills are allot worse than what imagined them to be probably much less than you lot on the forum. I am good when it comes to discussions about what I am interested in and am not "immensely" anxious but other than that I really struggle. For 4 years I was in a Private school with people like me and as a result I struggled to come and adapt to interacting with others for a year. It has taken me a year so far to even reduce anxiety, and I have gotten nowhere in terms of making new friends or becoming more skilled.

All my friends are like me they have no clue either, unlike me they just can't be stuffed. Where do I start and how do I climb?

Seems like you've already started. What have you tried so far? How do your conversations go?

It varies. Sometimes when I am discussing politics or a particular topic like racism, feminism etc. it can go on for quite some time with the person I am talking to keeping it going.

However I find other things difficult like initiating conversations. I typically ask them things like how's school going, how do you get here, what subjects do you take. I can't help but feel their is a million better things I can ask.

What's the point I wonder. I have 2 more years at my school.

Last edited by Shahunshah on 24 Feb 2017, 4:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

If you give up you won't ever get anywhere. The term social skills really is what it says on the tin - it's a skill, therefore you have to practice at it to get better. If you give up with it then you're just going to miss out on a bunch of stuff which in turn could completely change your life for the better.

I had a friend similar to you, she was completely hopeless and scared of literally everything, she couldn't even get the bus without having a full on meltdown/panic attack and now she's like moved country and got herself a partner. You wouldn't even think the girl is the same person. She has tons of friends now.

All she did was stick at it, she went through a lot of traumatizing crap to get where she is now like getting the bus all on her own and having to communicate to get food all on her own but point is - it can change. She befriended other aspies and they got through it together, took on these horrible challenges until they stopped becoming challenges and just became the norm. The best advice I can offer you in this situation is just throw yourself into everything you can, find people who can understand you who can help you become better socially. The people you hang around with, their social skills can rub off on you if you be more observant and try to figure out why they would say this/that, there's always a reason for it.

A great part of my friends learning was playing mmo's and going on voice chat with people and learning from a small group of friends on there. She used to be like a robot and now you can get some pretty interesting conversation out of her.

Also, there's probably other kiwi's on this forum you could just go and meet in real life, I've met people off WP before in my home town, it's not hard and it's usually a learning experience, if not for them then you.

You could even help others to help yourself, go do some community work so you can talk to people more and get better at being social. Also - stop putting emphasis on trying to be interesting or funny, just talk about what interests you or makes you laugh and if someone finds that interesting or funny then there you go, something in common with someone.

Sorry I forgot about this thread. What about asking them questions about whatever it is they do for fun? Could you possibly have hobbies/interests in common? What happens when you do that?

I sometimes get positive responses. But its just that I never feel as though anything comes from it, people outside of class appear somewhat reluctant to talk with me etc. I am also beginning to wonder whether I am the person that constantly interrupts others in my efforts talk with them. Their is a guy and a Girl who often talk about interesting stuff and when they do, I sometimes ask questions. They often give positive responses but an experience with one of them told me it could be otherwise.

The guy said this poet was misogynistic and I confronted him on it. I argued with him over it for a period of time, asking him questions on why I thought that. And at the end he seemed annoyed with me, he said I was just distracting him from work, and he didn't want to talk about it.

A lot of people make comments like that but aren't actually interested in a deeper discussion. You might get a different reaction from them if you talk about stuff that's more casual, or at least less controversial. Try and find commonalities.

Yeah I think that's good advice. The times I remember doing that definitely did end well.

Typically you want to talk less about your special interests and more about stuff you aren't interested in. It takes practice to socialize in a variety of different situations.

It is possible that he felt you were just being argumentative and no longer wanted to discuss it with you. If the discussion is just doing loops and getting nowhere, perhaps agree to disagree and move on. You can't expect everyone to be objective, especially if you refuse to do the same. Perhaps waiting for a break in a discussion to ask your questions. I can have trouble doing this as well because I feel like I will forget my question and I am eager to ask it.

Do not believe that everyone is going to be your friend, and you are not a terrible person if there is an awkward silence.